(put your hopes and dreams on the floor now!....real slow....thats it...nice and slowly....now back away from the front door...easy now!...nice and slow)

....so lifes' damn hard right?

no matter what anybody says or thinks or decides to compare it with whatever might be worse and all that crap.

I look at mine yeah....and think...bleh! yep...hard!
I look at others and think ....hmmm! yep...probably hard too! considering they will insist that it is anyway so why bother arguing?

....no matter, I decided to skip the suicide and get off my substance abusing butt a couple months ago and give it another shot!

I left the house...thats' right, straight out the front door. I had been outside before but not for a while and damn was I reluctant...I mean this outside world has been a friggin nightmare for me and my borderline brain and other assorted dysfunctions. wtf do I want more punishment for?

IDIOT?...FOOL? (similar things them ones) some kind of supermental masochist? The initial buzz as the adventure unfolds is just enough to get me through to the next phase of life exploration!...this being HOLY CRAP!...I'm right in it now! followed immediately by that dread and foreboding of..."NO...I have seen all this before, nothing has changed out here for me"

I'm at school again, (as an immature age student yep) I'm around lots of people all of a sudden...the social dynamics are obscenely disturbing for me. At the end of the day I am an emotional wreck and battling the anxiety...holding myself together leaves me exhausted. sleep is whatever IT decides to be.....there is heaps more going on that I can't be bothered describing....I have lost control again...!

....or have I ?

The temptation to sabotage the lot is high...go back inside in the dark where it's safe, I mean this hard life is gonna break my balls anyway so why not do it on my terms?...........

...anyhow I have pushed through the first hard bit and realised that I sure am a mess....but I'm still managing..and I really can't hide it!
and anyway....I think maybe the world might be changing a little or maybe it's just me but it seems more ok to have problems?

so I am a functioning mess and I guess thats what life is about.

[pegasus]

Well, good on you for going for it and joining in with the human race. Keep the towel nearby, you'll be just fine.

[MDDBPDPTSD]

Your post gives me hope that maybe one day, if I don't give up, I too can be a functioning mess. Congrats. I am really happy for you. You are inspiring.