[lbrown1]

I think this is me.. I dont think Im bipolar like I was diagnosed. I dont really know what to do though. I have already quit taking my meds and dont go see a dr anymore. What ever is wrong I dont know how to manage it. Im 29 and my life is a complete mess.. I hate myself most of the time. Im just about to my limit.. I dont have much fight left in me, im desperate.

[Towanda]

Hi lbrown, I am bipolar and borderline. It took me six years of therapy and a lot of different meds (I was on 13 at one point) before my moods stabilized and life settled into something resembling "normal". I am now on only 2 meds, and my T and I are talking termination of therapy within the next year, something I never would have considered remotely possible even a year ago.

Things got really bad during those years - I was Sui, started to SI, relapsed on sobriety from alcohol/pills. Hospitalized eight times. But gradually, with a lot of hard work, and the help of a wonderful T, my life started to get better. I developed coping skills that helped me get through the depressions and rapid cycling of bipolar. My self worth improved. I found a reason to live and stopped SI.

My point? Maybe you're not bipolar or borderline, but if you "hate yoursel", you're "at your limit" and "you're desperate", it sounds like you need help. Why did you go off your meds? Were the side effects too much to handle? And why stop seeing your doctor? If you're feeling as bad as you say you are, you really need to talk to someone, a pdoc or T. Maybe a change in meds would help - maybe a different T or pdoc. I went through 2 pdocs and 5 T's before I settled on the wonderful guys I work with now - I literally owe them my life.

You shouldn't have to feel desperate - life can be so much better