[Bamboo_RedPanda]

What is with this people consistently asking me if I have bpd? Apparently my personality and actions present as bpd to people, so of course (naturally) it's making me wonder if there's something to it. I looked at the symptom list and all but 3 of the symptoms fit me, but two of those three are iffy and the third one doesn't fit me due to my past perceptions (the one that doesn't fit me is related to suicidal or self-mutilating behavior, I don't think of those things, though when frustrated I have a tendency to dig at my skin, but that's nothing).

One of the things that's putting people to this idea is my describing of behaviors, the most recent was throwing money at my best friend at her work place and storming out of the building just because she expressed her annoyance with buying me a ticket to an event and the fact that I'd left that event without picking up the ticket for that day (it was a two day ticket).

Ok, so I'll admit i"ve had similar behaviors, some presenting here and usually resulting in the same kind of outcomes. first is the feeling of throwing everyone to the wind and not talking to anybody anymore, and next comes some regret for the behavior, but I fail to apologize because for one I go by forgive and forget and second I figure I'll do it again anyways.

I always described those behaviors as short-tempered and very poor stress handling (I can go into detail about how I handled stress in the past if you all would want, I have three distinct periods in time where I handled it differently).

Now, the other night I discussed a current "relationship," that raised red flags for them as well, though I don't think much of it (just describing this recent one as insecurity). This guy wanted to go out with me, but I was always trying to contact him to get together, but he started seemingly being hesitant, so I grew highly uncertain, figuring I must be doing something wrong or coming on strong. I was frustrated with how things were going. I finally just decided to screw him, that if he cared about me he'd contact me (he's yet to contact me btw).

That has added to the list of failed and poor relaitionships I've had, and can't say that I've ever actually been in a real relationship.

So with this information, as well as any more you all may ask of me (I don't mind you asking, feel free to), maybe you can help me determine if there's something to what people keep thinking or if i'm just presenting these traits due to my own personality.

Thanks (and sorry for the length).

[kitten2012]

Hard to say and I'm certainly not a Dr. But, there are some things in there that are consistent with BPD. If you really want to look into it, doing some reading and writing in a journal for a while may help you get a better idea. One thing I find is that some days I don't think there's anything wrong with me and I perceive past events differently. Other days, I am in a particularly bad place and look at even good times as being just awful. Good luck!

[cboxpalace]

Nothing is screaming bpd today... People? doctors? If their friends or associates, their just throwing words around and really don't get it. If you're really concerned see a doctor.

Originally Posted by Bamboo_RedPanda

One of the things that's putting people to this idea is my describing of behaviors, the most recent was throwing money at my best friend at her work place and storming out of the building just because she expressed her annoyance with buying me a ticket to an event and the fact that I'd left that event without picking up the ticket for that day (it was a two day ticket).

She had a right to be mad, because you were inconciderate. You didn't like that an threw a temper tantrum... Everyone has anger, it's an emotion, you expressed it inappropriately. It doesn't make me think bpd.. My opinion.

Ok, so I'll admit i"ve had similar behaviors, some presenting here and usually resulting in the same kind of outcomes. first is the feeling of throwing everyone to the wind and not talking to anybody anymore, and next comes some regret for the behavior, but I fail to apologize because for one I go by forgive and forget and second I figure I'll do it again anyways.

Well here's the thing with forgive and forget. You have to apologize in order to be forgiven and then for it to be forgotten. So, you're missing the point on that. This could be a bpd trait, but I'm inclined to say no because it doesn't seem like you really care about this behavior. Most people with bpd would recognize something like this, and would care, and would want to change it. I don't get that from you.

I always described those behaviors as short-tempered and very poor stress handling (I can go into detail about how I handled stress in the past if you all would want, I have three distinct periods in time where I handled it differently).

Agree!!

Now, the other night I discussed a current "relationship," that raised red flags for them as well, though I don't think much of it (just describing this recent one as insecurity). This guy wanted to go out with me, but I was always trying to contact him to get together, but he started seemingly being hesitant, so I grew highly uncertain, figuring I must be doing something wrong or coming on strong. I was frustrated with how things were going. I finally just decided to screw him, that if he cared about me he'd contact me (he's yet to contact me btw).

Bold - freudian slip. lol

Again, imo your situations can be rationally explained and you don't seem to have any problems with what occurs. You said something --> raised red flags with him ---> you perceived (accurately) that he was becoming hesitant --> became frustrated and left it to him to contact you.

Seems rather normal to me.

That has added to the list of failed and poor relaitionships I've had, and can't say that I've ever actually been in a real relationship.

The two or three situations above can be reasonably explained. The above quote could be bpd related. It would indicate unstable relationships, however that does not mean you have bpd. It is one trait.

So with this information, as well as any more you all may ask of me (I don't mind you asking, feel free to), maybe you can help me determine if there's something to what people keep thinking or if i'm just presenting these traits due to my own personality.

Thanks (and sorry for the length).

My opinion is you don't, but I'm not a doctor. I also get the sense you don't think you have it either. I think you know yourself best. If you're concerned definetely see a doctor.

Good luck
-cbox

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Originally Posted by Bamboo_RedPanda

What is with this people consistently asking me if I have bpd? Apparently my personality and actions present as bpd to people, so of course (naturally) it's making me wonder if there's something to it. I looked at the symptom list and all but 3 of the symptoms fit me, but two of those three are iffy and the third one doesn't fit me due to my past perceptions (the one that doesn't fit me is related to suicidal or self-mutilating behavior, I don't think of those things, though when frustrated I have a tendency to dig at my skin, but that's nothing).

One of the things that's putting people to this idea is my describing of behaviors, the most recent was throwing money at my best friend at her work place and storming out of the building just because she expressed her annoyance with buying me a ticket to an event and the fact that I'd left that event without picking up the ticket for that day (it was a two day ticket).

Ok, so I'll admit i"ve had similar behaviors, some presenting here and usually resulting in the same kind of outcomes. first is the feeling of throwing everyone to the wind and not talking to anybody anymore, and next comes some regret for the behavior, but I fail to apologize because for one I go by forgive and forget and second I figure I'll do it again anyways.

I always described those behaviors as short-tempered and very poor stress handling (I can go into detail about how I handled stress in the past if you all would want, I have three distinct periods in time where I handled it differently).

Now, the other night I discussed a current "relationship," that raised red flags for them as well, though I don't think much of it (just describing this recent one as insecurity). This guy wanted to go out with me, but I was always trying to contact him to get together, but he started seemingly being hesitant, so I grew highly uncertain, figuring I must be doing something wrong or coming on strong. I was frustrated with how things were going. I finally just decided to screw him, that if he cared about me he'd contact me (he's yet to contact me btw).

That has added to the list of failed and poor relaitionships I've had, and can't say that I've ever actually been in a real relationship.

So with this information, as well as any more you all may ask of me (I don't mind you asking, feel free to), maybe you can help me determine if there's something to what people keep thinking or if i'm just presenting these traits due to my own personality.

Thanks (and sorry for the length).

I hate it when laymen diagnose people. I am usually not for believing a doctor's absolute word, but this is such a sensitive issue that I believe that the only person qualified to diagnose this is a psychiatrist. The only reason I believed him was because I trusted him and because he showed me the DSM and I did agree with it, but not with all the stereotypes! And I hate it too when someone ASSUMES we are bpd just becuase we have emotional outbursts.

Billi

[Bamboo_RedPanda]

Well, thanks for the replies, was trying to figure out how to respond to them. Unfortunately I"m not really that sure how to fully respond. Again someone brought up bpd to me today, it's getting really weird. They also told me chronic boredom is a sign of a personality disorder (though I"m not sure how to take that, I have had chronic boredom the vast majority of my life).

Well, let me try to respond to the posts To kitten2012 you're telling me to do something everyone tells me to do LOL, to write. I can't do that, I've tried and it lasts one day and no more. I do know how you feel about the somedays thinking there's nothing wrong, but other days thinking there is. I'm on that rollercoaster too. What people tell me, the observations I make, all of that keeps me going between the two. A while back I got really chaotic, having an uncontrolled attitude (couldn't stop myself to think straight before saying or doing things), kept insisting nothing was wrong with me, that my mother says nothing wrong with me, so I'm just a stupid, normal introvert because I'm perfectly fine. Then I went back to think something must not be right with me. This is a neverending circle of confusion.

To billi I've talked to two T's, I ran away both times thinking that they think I'm lying, that I"m wasting their time and the time of others that could use the time more. Also thinking that nothing is wrong with me, that I'm stupid for thinking there was. (both times I later regretted those decisions). And "emotional outbursts" I have are apparently common enough to have my mom say I take things too seriously, that I don't have patience and so on. I stay in my room most of the time because one the living room is boring and two I have a tendency to easily get into arguments with her, just getting really hot-headed and stubborn.

I'm 20 btw, if you were wondering my age due to including my mother through the message LOL, but I live with her until I can get out of here.

To anyone else, please feel free to help me decipher all of this, feel free to ask questions.

hi - your post really touched me- everything you have described is exactly how i felt through adolesence and my early 20's - im now 34 and have only just been diagnosed with BPD and feel so sad for the confused me throughout my life

i feel sad for you too - its a horrible place to be, to feel so confused about your 'self'

i used to tell myself i was just hotheaded too - the guilt and shame i lived with throughout my 20's was often crippling

when you said above about is it BPD or just my personality...the way i see it is that BPD is part of me, part of my personality. its not all bad, the intense relationships i have can feel really good at times for example!

i have no idea if what you are feeling is due to having BPD- and it doesnt matter how many T's you see or how many people tell you that, if you have it, you wont see it or seek help until you realise it anyway (i know cos ive had people try and tell me before, and btw, i also saw many T's in my 20's and also ran from them, i wasnt ready to face things)

i guess i just want to send you a hug, to tell you that you are not a bad person, that all the things you do/feel COULD have an explaination and when you are ready, things will start to make sense (i guess thats what i wish i could go back and tell myself, tho im sure i wouldnt have listened!)

good luck on your journey, i feel real empathy for you
x

btw - your post has really helped me today, thank you for sharing, its exactly what i needed to read at this stage of my acceptance x

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Originally Posted by Bamboo_RedPanda

To billi I've talked to two T's, I ran away both times thinking that they think I'm lying, that I"m wasting their time and the time of others that could use the time more. Also thinking that nothing is wrong with me, that I'm stupid for thinking there was. (both times I later regretted those decisions). And "emotional outbursts" I have are apparently common enough to have my mom say I take things too seriously, that I don't have patience and so on. I stay in my room most of the time because one the living room is boring and two I have a tendency to easily get into arguments with her, just getting really hot-headed and stubborn.

I felt similar when I was in therapy, before, like I wasted their time. The doctor who diagnosed me, thank goodness, it was a good one, probably the only good one I have ever really had in my life---the others treated me like I was hopeless, as did most of the counselors and psychologists. I never liked that feeling and so I kind of gave them up; they kind of gave up on me---that's why I left them. Dr. L., that psyche doctor he left the office without even giving a notice or saying goodbye, though and I have wondered if he just got tired of all of us. No one knew why he left or where he even went.

B.

[NYCDoglvr]

One of the things that's putting people to this idea is my describing of behaviors, the most recent was throwing money at my best friend at her work place and storming out of the building just because she expressed her annoyance with buying me a ticket to an event and the fact that I'd left that event without picking up the ticket for that day (it was a two day ticket).

This will certainly do it. You're perfectly describing BPD.