[widgets]

i seem to have this MONUMENTALLY annoying habit, of only ever loving people who barely like me/notice my existence.

I either set my standards too high or i'm totally unlovable.

I've been in love (we'll call it that for want of a better word. Obsession is maybe a better fit) with 2 people in my whole life.

I avoid it at any cost, i meet people and i instantly guard up, making sure i am completely in control, turn off all emotions and make sure they like me, but guarding myself so that i'm in control of how much of me they actually see, making sure i never like them enough that if i lost them, i'd be lost WITHOUT them.. i have friends and family and people i love to death and thats bad enough, i dont need anyone else to be on the list of people who make me weak.

My somehow these two people have slipped under the radar and now i'm stuck in this limbo..

he's a friend, he likes me, he listens to me, i think he gets me, but maybe i just wish he did.

i text him and call him constantly. its embarrassing, i've lost all my self respect.

he responds just enough that keeps me from fleeting suicidal thoughts.

by that, i mean he spends around 6 hours a week on the phone to me, and pretty much texts back 90% of the time.

this guy sees me only as a friend, maybe some kid he wants to look out for a bit because she's in a new town and doesnt know anyone.

i know in my heart i need to GET OUT. cut all communication and try to forget about him, thinking of him takes over my life, and i feel it in my head, i feel dizzy and sick if he doesnt respond to me and i feel numb and black when i think he'll never be mine.

Is it any wonder i'm not loved, why would anyone want someone to be like THIS over them.

Oh he has no idea i feel like this, well not for a fact or because of anything i've said, its hard, but i'm as cool-as-ice when face to face with the man.

I've text him twice saying "i miss ya" but he has said that too.

other than this, i've cut all ties with my mental health team, and i've managed to close up a lot of my issues, they're now buried where they should be, to an outsider i look like i'm doing better than ever.

[Forgive77]

This guys sounds like a good guy to me from what you said. He likes talking to you, he responds well to texts. It souns like you need to relax and realize he does like you, and let your guard down when you're around him. My daughter and I have big anxiety when first entering relationships. I call it "Bing an ice queen." We don't mean to do it...it is just one of the many tests we put men through before we trust them. You may need to talk to your team so that you can learn how to calm yourself down, maybe take some anxiety meds or somthing to make you relax so you can talk to yourself rationaly and realize this guys sounds like he's really into you.

Good luck! xx