[Brainopower]

Ok, so here is the story. One year and a half ago I was diagnosed with Harm OCD. Ok, so there was a reason I had these thoughts, so I forget about them. But a few months ago they started bugging me again. I just couldn’t let something go. I started worrying again, that I was sociopath or psychopath. I always assumed I was since I have guilt and feel shame and so on. But wait, what if I don’t feel those things, just fear what would say about me(narcassistic). Also sociopaths can feel some meassure of guilt and shame after they’ve done something bad. Also empathy, I read on the ASPD forum that they can actually feel empathy(selective empathy), because they compare how they would feel, but no sypathy(they’re just guessing). I figured thats kinda what I do, I first am emotionless, but I feel bad when I think about it little. Also I’m a vegan(no animal products what so ever), but sometimes I forget why and have to think to again feel empathy for animals. In these few months I figured I had some sort of superiority complex, but shock after shock I realized I was really stupid and I try to fix that. I don’t look for problems in others but in myself, also I try not feel like achieved something for little things or feel special, also try not to see things as black&white(sometimes I would feel very irretated with my classmates and feel for eq. “At least I’m smarter than them”, which ofc I’m not, and then again see them in a bright light after they’ve been nice to me). Now every time I feel superior I imidiatly feel guilty and a shammed. And this. One year ago we had a pet cameleon. And then we have to gave it away, because we could’t provide for him any longer. But before that I torchered him once. I flipped him in the air and grabbed his foot an kept him in the air for couple of seconds(I only did this once, but flipped him in the air couple of times). I really didn’t think about it, but never did that again, and was on the verge of crying because feeling really guilty and asshamed. You can’t believe how happy I was for him when we gave him away to a better home. I never did this to any animal before and after, but till this day I can’t forget about it. I feel anxious, have to take deep breathes, guilt(again is this really guilt, or just shamme because of my ego?!) and I can’t move on. When i’m manic(I use to be manic about stupid stuff, but now I get when I think of more simple wife- job, having basic stuff, like food and apartment and some luxury, and when I get this, I feel stupid for having those thoughts and feel like I will be able to move on.) i try to move on and forget about the whole thing(everything), and I succedd for this short time and feel very stupid for having those thought, but then again after I start thinking can’t stop. Also I change perceptions of myself. Sometimes I see the patterns and why I do all those things and I forgive myself, but as soon as I start doubting myself, everything collapses and I start obsessing all over again. Sometimes I feel like a Chameleon, since I don't have a clear sense of my self and I'm just adjusting to environment. It seems very logical, from what i've read that I have Borderline PD, but sometimes it also feels very logical that I'm sociopath, from what I've read(they can have cognitive empathy, like me, they can cry, if they feel bad about hurting their mom etc)

EDIT: I have these weird thought, like if I see something, like lava and if it reminds me of ice cream with the taste of orange, I kinda get this taste, like I forgot it was lava, or if human flesh reminds me of chicken, I’m not a freakin’ cannibal, I just kinda get these intrusive thoughts, I don’t actually want to eat or hurt anybody!! Also I get this tingling sensation around throat, scalp and chest. Could it be because I might have hypothyroidism or hyperthyroidism?

[cboxpalace]

I don't know what you are, but I feel reasonably certain that you're neither a psychopath or sociopath.. If you were I highly doubt you'd be paranoid about it, and you are paranoid. Also, there's nothing in here that makes me think either one of those apply.

Originally Posted by Brainopower

Ok, so here is the story. One year and a half ago I was diagnosed with Harm OCD.

ocd explains ur obsessiveness.

I started worrying again, that I was sociopath or psychopath. I always assumed I was since I have guilt and feel shame and so on. But wait, what if I don’t feel those things, just fear what would say about me(narcassistic).

The keyword in all this is worrying. I see this as nothing more than your mind playing tricks with you, because KNOW you feel guilt and shame (see bold). I believe you feeling guilt and shame is what is real. Also, your not a narc. you lack the confidence.

Oh, and you're definetely NOT a psychopath.

figured thats kinda what I do, I first am emotionless, but I feel bad when I think about it little. Also I’m a vegan(no animal products what so ever), but sometimes I forget why and have to think to again feel empathy for animals.

You feeling emotionless could be from a lot of things, being depressed, bpd, probably many other mental illnesses since so many of them have overlapping symptoms and traits. Forgetting why you're a vegan, imo, really isn't all that relevent.

In these few months I figured I had some sort of superiority complex, but shock after shock I realized I was really stupid and I try to fix that. I don’t look for problems in others but in myself, also I try not feel like achieved something for little things or feel special,

Definetely not a narc... I believe this is relevent to something, but not being a sociopath, and we already ruled out psychopath. Definetely could be related to bpd, as well as, other mental illnesses.

also try not to see things as black&white(sometimes I would feel very irretated with my classmates and feel for eq. “At least I’m smarter than them”, which ofc I’m not, and then again see them in a bright light after they’ve been nice to me).

you try to not see things in black and white which implies that you do that is a bpd trait.. It also appears you split people that is a bpd trait.

And this. One year ago we had a pet cameleon. And then we have to gave it away, because we could’t provide for him any longer. But before that I torchered him once. I flipped him in the air and grabbed his foot an kept him in the air for couple of seconds(I only did this once, but flipped him in the air couple of times). I really didn’t think about it, but never did that again, and was on the verge of crying because feeling really guilty and asshamed. You can’t believe how happy I was for him when we gave him away to a better home. I never did this to any animal before and after, but till this day I can’t forget about it.

I see this as being not a big deal. You did it once, and felt bad. It was a stupid act. You learned, and didn't repeat it.

gonna just sum this up ur not a sociopath, definetely not a psychopath or narc.

you see things in black and white, split, it also appears you have some identity issues which are all traits of bpd. You have self esteem issues which I'm sure many of us do. I do at least. I believe your ocd factors into this with all your obsessing.

Hyperthyroidism, bpd, etc see a doctor for proper diagnosis..

That whole last paragraph about the lava etc I don't see as being really all that important. You have weird thoughts, we all do and I think most people do we just don't mention them. The reason you did is because you're paranoid and worrying.

[shezbut]

Hi brainopower,

I agree with cboxpalace in his ruling out of more serious personality disorders, due to many of your statements.

Personally, I lean towards OCD and anxiety disorder being the culprits that stand out to me. There are some BPD traits in your description, but not any of the biggies that almost all of us struggle with. Like suicidal ideation, extreme self-hate, or self-injury.

Do go to a doctor to get properly assessed and treated, in order to bring yourself some sense of peacefulness. Best wishes to you!

[SoupDragon]

I think if you had psychopath traits, you wouldn't have posted. I agree to go get properly assessed so you can move on from wondering and start to feel better about yourself. Soup

[kazza29]

let me whip on my doctors hat lol j/k
nah ya no psychopath nor sociopath.the fact u worry about it.proves it.
I think your defo OCD because of these thoughts.ocd isnt just about physical stuff it can be about thoughts as well.
You prob have it quite severe.I watched a youtube clip about a man who had severe OCD and quite often he would appear manic repeating the same stuff over again loudly but the dr said he was defo OCD.I saw this ages a go so may not be able to find it
you could be borderline.i dont think so,but then i dont think i am but i am dx as being one.you could do an online test just 2 get an idea.obv it would need 2 be confirmed by an expert

[Girl_Interrupted]

Psychopaths/Sociopaths usually have ASPD, not BPD.

As for me, no offence but I can't read walls of text that isn't broken down, so I'm only replying to what the title said.