[fletch33]

I have been extremely frustrated since I started dating my fiance about his family. First of all, they are the main reason why he has a high amount of anxiety and low self-esteem. They constantly were extremely hard on him growing up and treated him poorly because he was not the favorite child in the family. The favorite child is his only brother, who is younger than him. His brother is possibly the most narcissistic person I have ever met.

My brother-in-law and his wife started a major conflict between us and them about a year and a half ago. Since then we have hardly spoken and have hardly seen each other, which is honestly fine with me. However, I know how this hurts my fiance because he just wants to be able to have a relationship with his brother. This conflict was mainly started because the brother-in-law and his wife thought that I was "using my BPD as an excuse to act the way I do." I remember when they said this, and I am still hurt to this day about that statement. If they really knew what having BPD was like, they would never say anything like that.

Not only do they criticize me for my mental illness, but they are constantly getting to go on vacation after vacation and buying expensive things, while my fiance and I can barely pay the bills due to me being out of work. It really bothers me that my fiance's parents seem to think that all of this is okay, and refuse to help us at all despite our struggling. My fiance's grandmother has helped us financially, which is a great blessing, by the way.

I hate to vent, but I am tired of being treated poorly due to my BPD. His whole family seems to think that I am some leper just because I have this mental illness. They shy away from me when I come to visit and barely talk to me. I was in the hospital for an inpatient stay last month and they did not even call my fiance to check how I was doing at all while I was in there. I am tired of feeling like they do not care about me. All I want is to be accepted and to be part of their family. Anyone with BPD knows that things like acceptance are a huge part of what we strive for in life.

I would greatly appreciate it if anyone has any ideas of how I can deal with this situation without alienating myself from his family all together. I really want to work to get along with them, but I constantly feel like my BPD is getting in the way, as it always does, of me having positive relationships.

[ImLosinIt]

Originally Posted by fletch33

I have been extremely frustrated since I started dating my fiance about his family. First of all, they are the main reason why he has a high amount of anxiety and low self-esteem. They constantly were extremely hard on him growing up and treated him poorly because he was not the favorite child in the family. The favorite child is his only brother, who is younger than him. His brother is possibly the most narcissistic person I have ever met.

My brother-in-law and his wife started a major conflict between us and them about a year and a half ago. Since then we have hardly spoken and have hardly seen each other, which is honestly fine with me. However, I know how this hurts my fiance because he just wants to be able to have a relationship with his brother. This conflict was mainly started because the brother-in-law and his wife thought that I was "using my BPD as an excuse to act the way I do." I remember when they said this, and I am still hurt to this day about that statement. If they really knew what having BPD was like, they would never say anything like that.

Not only do they criticize me for my mental illness, but they are constantly getting to go on vacation after vacation and buying expensive things, while my fiance and I can barely pay the bills due to me being out of work. It really bothers me that my fiance's parents seem to think that all of this is okay, and refuse to help us at all despite our struggling. My fiance's grandmother has helped us financially, which is a great blessing, by the way.

I hate to vent, but I am tired of being treated poorly due to my BPD. His whole family seems to think that I am some leper just because I have this mental illness. They shy away from me when I come to visit and barely talk to me. I was in the hospital for an inpatient stay last month and they did not even call my fiance to check how I was doing at all while I was in there. I am tired of feeling like they do not care about me. All I want is to be accepted and to be part of their family. Anyone with BPD knows that things like acceptance are a huge part of what we strive for in life.

I would greatly appreciate it if anyone has any ideas of how I can deal with this situation without alienating myself from his family all together. I really want to work to get along with them, but I constantly feel like my BPD is getting in the way, as it always does, of me having positive relationships.

Hi there Fletch....I am so sorry you are having to go through all of this. I don't have an ideas on how to deal with the situation, but I did want to let you know I know exactly what you are dealing with. My husbands family is the same exact way. My husband is disabled and his 2 other siblings are not. The inlaws will stop by every so often, but to me it's not often enough. They will run up to his brothers house though at the drop of a hat.

I sometimes feel like the reason they don't come around is because of me. Husband says no thats not it, but I can't help but feel like it is. SIL stayed with us for about a month, and the whole time she was here seemed like the inlaws were here almost every day. Since she has gone, they haven't been over once.

Just know I understand and I am here for support!! Hopefully things will get better for you.

[Forgive77]

Hey Fletch,

I'm in the same boat...however I'm the one with the money. My therapist told me that my inlaws will most likely never accept me...so I need to let it go. They are never going to validate me...so I need to just quit barking up their tree. No one understands my illness...and I have to be good with no one understanding. Cling to the people who care....and put the others away on a shelf and only deal with them when you have to. I know to us that's like not caring...and you will mourn the relationship...but it's best for you, because...you have to protect yourself from constant rejection, and them triggering you by their behavior. xxxx