[plumapplepear]

I seem to suffer from extremely low self-esteem which makes it hard to converse and shyness on top of other problems. I get so lonely I try to volunteer and reach out take a class erc. But I seem to have no people skills How do you improve these?

[regretful]

Slowly, and one step at a time. Where do you volunteer? There are so many organizations with so many people that need assistance. Perhaps you can do some of the work on your self-worth by volunteering in something where there is a lot of positive feedback - senior citizens organizations, nursing homes, etc. often look for transportation aides to volunteer. And when you do that work, thank yous come in bunches. Good luck. You can also try to connect with people in religious groups, they are usually very welcoming. If you have any problems with substance abuse, try a recovery group - they are also very welcoming. Good luck to you.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

I identify with this.

I never learned connection, just survival.

I have no answers, but I too am dealing with this. Slowly. It takes time and practice and patience. I go out every day and try to notice people around me. that's a step for me. I try to relax my face and put on what DBT calls a "half-smile". I make an effort to put a friendly tone in my voice when I do need to talk to people.

And most important of all, for me, I try really hard to realize that I cannot control outcomes or how ppl behave---only me.

Billi

[Marie67]

Over the years I discovered that turning my thoughts outward toward another person pretty much eliminates the shyness, at least for the moment. I'm still desperately insecure at times, but I work in a library and I don't feel shy much at work because it's all about 'how can I help you?' Sometimes people are jerks, but for the most part they're pretty appreciative, and that feels wonderful. I think you are on the right track with volunteering.