[MDDBPDPTSD]

My therapist is leaving for vacation and I am freaking out. I only see her an hour a week, and she will be gone for 2 weeks, so really, I am freaking out about not having contact with her for 2 hours over a two week period.

This feeling of impending catastrophe (mentioned in a previous post) has continued and now I fear that whatever terrible thing that is about to happen, will happen when my therapist is gone and I will be on my own.

I discussed this with her today and she reminded me that I always have all you wonderful folks here on PC and that someone will be on call for her while she is gone. Unfortunatly, I do not know anyone else at her office, so whoever is on call, will be someone totally unfamiliar to me and with me.


I am very afraid of what the next two weeks will bring. My therapist seems to think that this feeling of coming catastrophe is just related to my chronic depression. Of course, she could be right, but it does not feel that way.
Sometimes I get these feelings and really bad stuff does happen, like someone dies or become homeless or is a car accident... you get the idea.

Other times, I get this feeling and nothing seems to happen. Maybe something does in the spiritual realm that we can not perceive, or maybe nothing really does happen and it is all just because of my BPD, MDD and PTSD. I dunno.

I guess I just want some of you on PC to be even more available for me than usual, as I am likely to need you now more than ever.

I am holding on as tightly as I can to my DBT skills and to reality checks.

A family member is going to help me resupply my meds, so I will make it through.

My dogs are always here for me and do offer comfort that I am not alone.

[shezbut]

A lot of times, I don't feel like picking up my notebooks while I'm milling over my fears and tons of thoughts encompassing me.

Times like those do make the http://www.dbtselfhelp.org a very helpful place for me to refer to quickly. It feels a little different to me, instead of flipping through my notebook to get to the right pages. You're welcome to PM me or even send a quick line, if that helps you. I'll respond.

[Pynk]

I'll be here whenever I can..

((((((hugz))))))

A lot of us understand the impending feeling of doom. I'm moving across country and that has been a pervasive feeling since this all started...that something is going to happen during the trip. Hang in there!

[Rose3]

Hopefully there were no catastrophes today. I can remember a friend in the past said something that stuck with me to change my view: that it should be that in one's sunny days there might be the occasional small cloud, not that one's dark cloud of life might have a slight glimmer of sunlight. Does that make sense?
If we fear catatrophes, then it helps to make some plans to help us deal with them. Plan something nice for yourself.

[MDDBPDPTSD]

Thank you all for responding and for being here. So far, everything is OK. Whatever the doom is, it hasn't happened yet. So I can try to be grateful for that.

[Girl_Interrupted]

Think yourself lucky xD
Mine was off for 2 weeks, saw her again last Monday 6th, she's off for a month, see her again, and then off for another 2 weeks xD

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Originally Posted by MDDBPDPTSD

My therapist is leaving for vacation and I am freaking out. I only see her an hour a week, and she will be gone for 2 weeks, so really, I am freaking out about not having contact with her for 2 hours over a two week period.

This feeling of impending catastrophe (mentioned in a previous post) has continued and now I fear that whatever terrible thing that is about to happen, will happen when my therapist is gone and I will be on my own.

I discussed this with her today and she reminded me that I always have all you wonderful folks here on PC and that someone will be on call for her while she is gone. Unfortunatly, I do not know anyone else at her office, so whoever is on call, will be someone totally unfamiliar to me and with me.


I am very afraid of what the next two weeks will bring. My therapist seems to think that this feeling of coming catastrophe is just related to my chronic depression. Of course, she could be right, but it does not feel that way.
Sometimes I get these feelings and really bad stuff does happen, like someone dies or become homeless or is a car accident... you get the idea.

Other times, I get this feeling and nothing seems to happen. Maybe something does in the spiritual realm that we can not perceive, or maybe nothing really does happen and it is all just because of my BPD, MDD and PTSD. I dunno.

I guess I just want some of you on PC to be even more available for me than usual, as I am likely to need you now more than ever.

I am holding on as tightly as I can to my DBT skills and to reality checks.

A family member is going to help me resupply my meds, so I will make it through.

My dogs are always here for me and do offer comfort that I am not alone.

This is what, for me, make self-help and support groups so invaluable to me. T's do get sick, they do go on vacation, some of us can't even see therapists. I will keep my fingers crossed for you. Keep posting and talking to us esp when things are hard. I really relate to anxiety and to that feeling you describe. And it's really hard to deal with alone.

Billi

[growlycat]

It's August and my T is away too. How I'm trying to cope--writing down what I'd say to him if he were here (and I'll give it to him when he returns)

Relaxation exercises (mp3's) and mindfulness meditation are sort of helpful. I bought some relaxation mp3s on Amazon, Erik Brown I think--

Really writing down specific worries while T is away helps "park" those feelings somewhere.

My T sent postcard, that helped me too

[kitten2012]

Originally Posted by MDDBPDPTSD

My therapist is leaving for vacation and I am freaking out. I only see her an hour a week, and she will be gone for 2 weeks, so really, I am freaking out about not having contact with her for 2 hours over a two week period.

This feeling of impending catastrophe (mentioned in a previous post) has continued and now I fear that whatever terrible thing that is about to happen, will happen when my therapist is gone and I will be on my own.

I discussed this with her today and she reminded me that I always have all you wonderful folks here on PC and that someone will be on call for her while she is gone. Unfortunatly, I do not know anyone else at her office, so whoever is on call, will be someone totally unfamiliar to me and with me.


I am very afraid of what the next two weeks will bring. My therapist seems to think that this feeling of coming catastrophe is just related to my chronic depression. Of course, she could be right, but it does not feel that way.
Sometimes I get these feelings and really bad stuff does happen, like someone dies or become homeless or is a car accident... you get the idea.

Other times, I get this feeling and nothing seems to happen. Maybe something does in the spiritual realm that we can not perceive, or maybe nothing really does happen and it is all just because of my BPD, MDD and PTSD. I dunno.

I guess I just want some of you on PC to be even more available for me than usual, as I am likely to need you now more than ever.

I am holding on as tightly as I can to my DBT skills and to reality checks.

A family member is going to help me resupply my meds, so I will make it through.

My dogs are always here for me and do offer comfort that I am not alone.

Normally if I'm all freaked out like this, I just go numb and wait for it to be over. It sucks but ends up well. Like, if your brain is concentrating on that 5% chance that something might go on, you have to logically plan for the 95% chance. Just space out and tread water until it's behind you. I don't know if this is healthy or not and I'm not advocating any sort of drinking or drugs to disconnect - show up at work, home, social events, just avoid anything that requires new focus on your part. You can be strong.

[Rose3]

If it wouldn't be too much trouble, could you explain some of those DBT skills.

[kitten2012]

Originally Posted by Rose3

If it wouldn't be too much trouble, could you explain some of those DBT skills.

I don't know if they count as official skills. Just, on a scary day, like the day your therapist leaves (or the day of a test, first date with someone you're scared of, dentist appointment, etc.), or a day you're feeling emotional, you just change how you think. Instead of letting your inner monologue go on with 'oh, today is going to be awful', instead purposely think things like 'it's warmer than yesterday', 'the car may need a tune-up', 'those pedestrians are walking in the street', just be kind of a space cadet and concentrate on the mundane and don't be all that ambitious. It's just how I keep my emotions neutral when I think I'm in high-danger mode. Or sometimes even, I'll let my gaze go all blurry for a few seconds to disconnect a little from where I am and what I'm actually doing (not while driving). When you start to feel safe, start paying attention and being a little less dumb until you know you're ok again. Two weeks isn't all that long rationally, it just seems long emotionally.

[kitten2012]

Originally Posted by kitten2012

I don't know if they count as official skills. Just, on a scary day, like the day your therapist leaves (or the day of a test, first date with someone you're scared of, dentist appointment, etc.), or a day you're feeling emotional, you just change how you think. Instead of letting your inner monologue go on with 'oh, today is going to be awful', instead purposely think things like 'it's warmer than yesterday', 'the car may need a tune-up', 'those pedestrians are walking in the street', just be kind of a space cadet and concentrate on the mundane and don't be all that ambitious. It's just how I keep my emotions neutral when I think I'm in high-danger mode. Or sometimes even, I'll let my gaze go all blurry for a few seconds to disconnect a little from where I am and what I'm actually doing (not while driving). When you start to feel safe, start paying attention and being a little less dumb until you know you're ok again. Two weeks isn't all that long rationally, it just seems long emotionally.

Hey, don't listen to me! I was just doing some reading that makes me think this isn't a technique but a BPD symptom. Um, right, it's possible when I teach myself coping mechanisms that I'm actually making myself worse.

I have no idea how healthy people deal with a stressful situation like that. Maybe this is where friends come in.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

the dbtselfhelp site helps me remember skills. Lately I've been using Distress Tolerance stuff.

[Rose3]

thanks Kitten2012 for the ideas for handling situations - it reminded me of how I have
self-talked to try to decrease fears and worries about various situations (and they
worked mostly) - like when going for a immunization injection, I would tell myself that it's only for a few seconds. Or going to the dentist - (and fearing the needle for freezing in my mouth/face) - I would remind myself that this dentist was really good last time and didn't hurt me then. Or when going in to write an exam - I would say that this is humanly possible so just write everything that I've learned (and I get really good marks). So, it sounds like DBT encourages a person to say positive things to oneself, to reassure oneself.

[shezbut]

Just wanted to let you know that you're in my thoughts, MDDBPDPTSD.

One thing that I did in my last hospitalization was I made a box to hold special things to help get me through dark times. It was a plain (shoe-style) box to begin with.

I painted each side with both gentle and exciting colors, then added a couple of images and sequins to give the box more personality. I printed out some inspiring quotations; a page or two of self-acceptance; added some rocks, pine cones, and a couple of peppermint candies. I had my latest birthday when I was in the hospital, so I saved a plastic thing that was stuck into my cake. After getting out of the hospital, I added a few more momentos.

When I was a very little girl, I loved Grover, from Sesame Street. Anyway, I have an old button down Grover shirt that I used to wear; some pictures from happier times in my life; a baby blanket made for my 2nd daughter by friends in my MOMS Club (back when my world was a lot better); and a momento from a wonderful baseball game I went to years ago.

Anyway, all of things in this relatively small box all bring back positive memories and feelings. I don't open that box every day. But, I do open it from time to time, to help me remember positive things that do occur in life. To give me some motivation to just stay alive ~ it will become better again.

Gentle hugs to you!

[frowningdown]

Hope you feel better MDDBPDPTSD. How are you doing now?

[MDDBPDPTSD]

Originally Posted by Rose3

If it wouldn't be too much trouble, could you explain some of those DBT skills.

I try to use mindfulness skills and distraction, as described in distress tolerence most often.

Many videos are available on mindfulness on youtube. An expert author on mindfulness is Jon Kabat Zinn, if you want to google him. Mindfulness basically is being present in the moment that is going on now. It is a simple concept, but not all that easy to do. It means letting go of our regrets of the past and our worries of our future and just experience what we have now, which is this present moment. We do not have tomorrow yet and yesterday is gone and unchangeable. All we have is now. Our entire life is made up of now. and yet most of us humans, including me, spend most of out moments focused on our past or our future, which robs us of the present.

I try to practice being here now.

With C- PTSD and BPD and MDD, it is very difficult. I am usually focused on what horrible things that happened in the past or the fear that something horrible will happen in the future... and how to protect myself from that or prevent it altogether. But I am told that with practice, I can do this. I can release myself from the past and the future and just accept my present, whatever it is.

With distress tolerance, I use the distraction tool often. When my stress or fear get to a certain level, I try to do something else that requires my cognitive mind to focus on that activity. It may be something like washing dishes or going to a movie or helping someone else who is hurting. Whatever the distraction is, the idea is to engage my cognitive mind in something, so that my focus is not on the intense emotions. I do not deny the emotions, nor does this always make them go away. In theory, I am putting forth effort to make those emotions go away (need to work on that), but instead, simply trying to ride the intensity of them out. Whatever situation to thoughts that caused those intense emotions will still need to be dealt with. Distraction is not denial. it is simply a way to postpone dealing with the causal situation until I can reach a calmer, wiser state of mind.

There are other skills and tools in DBT too, but these are the two I practice most often.

Frowning: I am hanging on. Lots of anxiety, but it has been 8 days and I have made it through. One thing I am confident of is my ability to survive. I may not survive without scars, but I do survive. That fact angers me greatly sometimes, but it can also be a comfort too.

A far as I know, nothing terrible has happened. I am still on alert, as it were, but the PTSD kind of makes that a full time job.

[MDDBPDPTSD]

Crashing. Going down hill since Saturday night. Crying over the tiniest things. I know they are tiny, and don't really matter, but the tears just keep coming. All I do is cry and sleep.

Feel like screaming in frustration and anger, but I know from experience that all the screaming does is give me a sore throat. Sigh.

[shezbut]

I am so sorry MDDBPDPTSD.

It is good that you can let your dark emotions out, and grieve. That's a positive sign. It isn't much fun though.

Did your T give you an e-mail address or phone number to call in times of deep desperation? Or, was she feeling confident that you could make it through her vacation without help from another? I suppose that you could always contact the National Suicide Prevention Line @ 1-800-273-8255. You don't have to be fighting major suicidal impulses to take advantage of their support.

If you think that it might be helpful to you, be sure to give them a call in your very dark times. Gentle hugs to you....