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I'm Bipolar one.So when I'm manic, I can turn psychotic and delusional and sometimes become a danger to myself or others and explode with rage or happiness. My manic episodes are full blown and can be a mixture of depression and manic symptoms which are more times than not, delusional. My bipolar depression can last for weeks at a time and makes me disgusted and angry and I have no energy and fixate on the negative.

My PTSD can cause angry outbursts and disassociation and avoidance of traumatic events. I was abused emotionally and physically and I am a rape survivor. It makes be obsess and ruminate about terrible past experiences which taint my present moment and cause me to be moody and emotional.

My Borderline can cause pessimistic and angry and sarcastic outbursts. My Borderline causes me to feel victimized by others and be un-trusting of others. I am never satisfied with what I do accomplish, I have to be perfect and prove myself to others. I cling desperately and shove away at any small slight or sign of indifference. My Borderline causes me to see people as black and white. My Borderline causes intense mood swings and feelings of unreality which last only a few hours or days. I never quite feel validated enough so I always seek out past relationships that have ended long ago because of explosions of emotions on my part.

I have Generalized anxiety that causes intense feelings of nervousness and disassociation and avoidance symptoms. I socially isolate and shut down mentally and emotionally as not to feel how scared I am or I surge with adrenaline and act irrationally and illogically.

How do I understand all of these symptoms and translate them into the patterns?

I can understand the seeking out of past relationships. I ended my relationship with my best friend 15 years ago due to one outburst too many and I still contact her on occasion...doesn't do any good. The mood swings are very common in me as well, and the PTSD attributes you mention are easy to relate to as well. I can't have close relationships because I start irrationally avoiding things that hurt me in the past. I don't have any answers for you. I do know that the more you understand yourself and why the act the way you do, the easier it becomes, to a minor degree. As for the anxiety disorder, not all but part of it is caused by feeling alone and isolated in your problems. PC will help with that. You're not alone...at all. We can't acutally, physically help each other, but we can give you things to think about and let you know that you are not alone; that in itself helps to some degree. Good luck and welcome to our group.