I started a Facebook account several years ago, but I've never done anything with it; I basically have a blank page. My only "friend" right now is my daughter and she's been a friend for probably two years. I have seven "friend" requests that I've basically ignored...basically not wanting to be bothered.

Well, as a lot of you know, I recently moved 2,600 from "home". It was a move that was optional...I could have stayed where I was, but I didn't feel as though I had a choice. Memories were overwhelming and my impulsiveness was threatening to put me in jail. I promised when I left, to my daughters I left behind as well as a few colleagues, that I could work on my Facebook account so we could stay in better touch.

Just a few minutes ago, I just flipped through the page that comes up when you log on to Facebook of people who could be potential "friends". Most of them were people my daughter has as friends, and since I'm a teacher, I taught a lot of them.

I started having flashbacks, most of them not good, of those people. I instantly got that false sense of insecurity and the tightening in my stomach I so try to avoid. Also, the guy who abandoned me (I didn't see him...I know he invited me as friend a while ago but has since withdrawn it) had a lot of friends that I instantly recognized, so it brought back some of those feelings as well. I came from a small community where if you lived there long enough you'd bump in to everyone. The Facebook page with all the names and faces was like doing just that in five minutes. In addition, I saw a picture of my best friend who abandoned me 15 years ago. Her daughter and my daughter are half-sisters and "friends" (teenage love-triangle anyone?)

Now, I don't know what to do. I know I can invite only who I want and avoid everyone else, but it's inevitable that I'll see these people again and that some of them will invite me to be friends. Is it worth it? I've come to the conclusion that I'm better without real friends, at least until I can get some things under control, and who know if and when that will happen. Advice...suggestions?

[SwayintheBreeze]

That's a tough one Carmasia You can control who sees what and who can even search for you if need be.. you have the ability to be virtually invisible and can block certain people from seeing anything about you including mutual friends etc. It is not 100 % but it would certainly help.

I guess you have to ask yourself if there are other methods of staying in touch with these people that you want to without allowing those memories to flood in? Maybe it doesn't have to be facebook.. maybe it could be something else..

I can imagine how hard it is.. and my heart goes out to you..

Facebook scares the bejesus out of me ... I simply won't go there ... It's too darn big and random ... Furthermore I don't trust the people who own and operate it as they tend to want to play little demigods sitting in their faceless offices manipulating and controlling peoples' accounts and information ... Not to mention all those little oops, privacy slips and e-mail tricks ... Nope, not for me ... Not at all ... !!!

Hi,
Firstly, I hate Facebook...it is not solely about staying in touch with people and connecting with long lost friends, family, work and school mates. It's a competition of who can 'befriend' the most people. This could very well be a perceptual paranoia, but either way Facebook brings it out. When I belonged to Facebook (for a very short time), I had known people to have upward of 500-something "friends." Now, I'm not a sociologist, but I don't know of anyone who has that many "friends" in real life, let alone remember that many names and still have conversations with them. I felt pathetic with my 8 friends, which included a few real life friends, family and my spouse.

I would constantly get 'friend requests' from people I had gone to school with, yet never even interacted with once-- some of which were even past bullies! I felt insulted that a friend request was simply incentive to make their 'friend list' larger, rather than to have a real human connection via the internet. I would also get friend requests from friends of friends whom I had never even met before! My ex girlfriend also tried to 'befriend' which caused a series of paranoia and anxiety of having to talk with her again...

As a person with BPD, I already have problems with interpersonal relationships. I have these distorted perceptions...I would write something with thought and depth and because Facebook is such a superficial venue, no one would bother to read or respond...which made my frustration worse and my BPD traits come out of the woodwork. (What is the point of 'connecting' with people when the connection is so contrived and shallow?) I didn't have to think long and hard to realize that Facebook was not for me. It was at best amusing for it's quick shares of funny or political photos and anecdotes, it was at worst many of my BPD (or re-living highschool) nightmares come true. It was a source of frustration, fear, paranoia and lonliness...

I can understand what it's trying to allow people to do, but it was just too strange for me. I'm competent in technology and it was accessible as far as navigatibility but just too superficial a place.

I much prefer writing friends and family emails and having 1-on-1 discussions via private messaging apps. This also doesnt display conversations publicly to all my other 7 'friends' or anyone else on FB! I know you can change settings so that certain people can't view certain things and what not... but for me, I'm trying to be consistent and authentic all the time.

My thoughts get all weird around facebook...

[unaluna]

facebook does these matchups on its own, not necessarily initiated by the person. can you just set the privacy settings for just the few people you do want?

Originally Posted by hankster

facebook does these matchups on its own, not necessarily initiated by the person. can you just set the privacy settings for just the few people you do want?

You can set the settings to allow only the people you want, but that won't stop people from trying to befriend you. I'll think about it, but I'm thinking more and more that it isn't for me.

Originally Posted by stratocaster

Hi,
Firstly, I hate Facebook...it is not solely about staying in touch with people and connecting with long lost friends, family, work and school mates. It's a competition of who can 'befriend' the most people. This could very well be a perceptual paranoia, but either way Facebook brings it out. When I belonged to Facebook (for a very short time), I had known people to have upward of 500-something "friends." Now, I'm not a sociologist, but I don't know of anyone who has that many "friends" in real life, let alone remember that many names and still have conversations with them. I felt pathetic with my 8 friends, which included a few real life friends, family and my spouse.

I would constantly get 'friend requests' from people I had gone to school with, yet never even interacted with once-- some of which were even past bullies! I felt insulted that a friend request was simply incentive to make their 'friend list' larger, rather than to have a real human connection via the internet. I would also get friend requests from friends of friends whom I had never even met before! My ex girlfriend also tried to 'befriend' which caused a series of paranoia and anxiety of having to talk with her again...

As a person with BPD, I already have problems with interpersonal relationships. I have these distorted perceptions...I would write something with thought and depth and because Facebook is such a superficial venue, no one would bother to read or respond...which made my frustration worse and my BPD traits come out of the woodwork. (What is the point of 'connecting' with people when the connection is so contrived and shallow?) I didn't have to think long and hard to realize that Facebook was not for me. It was at best amusing for it's quick shares of funny or political photos and anecdotes, it was at worst many of my BPD (or re-living highschool) nightmares come true. It was a source of frustration, fear, paranoia and lonliness...

I can understand what it's trying to allow people to do, but it was just too strange for me. I'm competent in technology and it was accessible as far as navigatibility but just too superficial a place.

I much prefer writing friends and family emails and having 1-on-1 discussions via private messaging apps. This also doesnt display conversations publicly to all my other 7 'friends' or anyone else on FB! I know you can change settings so that certain people can't view certain things and what not... but for me, I'm trying to be consistent and authentic all the time.

My thoughts get all weird around facebook...

Thanks for your thoughts on this subject. I agree, based on just my very brief exposure, that it would most likely have the same affect on me and just wouldn't be worth it.

[LizzieVale]

if it makes you feel at all anxiety provoking or uncomfortable I would say dont do it...but that just my opinion carmasia {{{hugs}}}

i use facebook, and actually use it loads too.

i've got a lot of friends their- and also some of my support groups and fan pages are their. so.

used to really hate it- when i first signed up, i kept having thoughts of deleting my acount but now it's something i can't live without

[LizzieVale]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

i use facebook, and actually use it loads too.

i've got a lot of friends their- and also some of my support groups and fan pages are their. so.

used to really hate it- when i first signed up, i kept having thoughts of deleting my acount but now it's something i can't live without

I also have a Face Book account however Ii dont tell anyone about my disorder.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

I am on Facebook and I do it mostly just to advertise my activism and my work.

I heard that it was not really a friendly place. it's a lot of fluff. Very competitive and I never friend anyone or accept them.

B.

[Sameer6]

Originally Posted by carmasia

I started a Facebook account several years ago, but I've never done anything with it; I basically have a blank page. My only "friend" right now is my daughter and she's been a friend for probably two years. I have seven "friend" requests that I've basically ignored...basically not wanting to be bothered.

Well, as a lot of you know, I recently moved 2,600 from "home". It was a move that was optional...I could have stayed where I was, but I didn't feel as though I had a choice. Memories were overwhelming and my impulsiveness was threatening to put me in jail. I promised when I left, to my daughters I left behind as well as a few colleagues, that I could work on my Facebook account so we could stay in better touch.

Just a few minutes ago, I just flipped through the page that comes up when you log on to Facebook of people who could be potential "friends". Most of them were people my daughter has as friends, and since I'm a teacher, I taught a lot of them.

I started having flashbacks, most of them not good, of those people. I instantly got that false sense of insecurity and the tightening in my stomach I so try to avoid. Also, the guy who abandoned me (I didn't see him...I know he invited me as friend a while ago but has since withdrawn it) had a lot of friends that I instantly recognized, so it brought back some of those feelings as well. I came from a small community where if you lived there long enough you'd bump in to everyone. The Facebook page with all the names and faces was like doing just that in five minutes. In addition, I saw a picture of my best friend who abandoned me 15 years ago. Her daughter and my daughter are half-sisters and "friends" (teenage love-triangle anyone?)

Now, I don't know what to do. I know I can invite only who I want and avoid everyone else, but it's inevitable that I'll see these people again and that some of them will invite me to be friends. Is it worth it? I've come to the conclusion that I'm better without real friends, at least until I can get some things under control, and who know if and when that will happen. Advice...suggestions?

Some people add for no reason at all.They add, don't talk and hide.What a joke.You know why ? It's just because they like to increase their friend's list.There is no use in doing that.I mean..they are not going to get any Oscar Award for that.And there are those who will talk whenever you to them but they won't start any conversation on their own. Both the 2 types of people i said are not fit for any friendship.

[LizzieVale]

Originally Posted by Sameer6

Some people add for no reason at all.They add, don't talk and hide.What a joke.You know why ? It's just because they like to increase their friend's list.There is no use in doing that.I mean..they are not going to get any Oscar Award for that.And there are those who will talk whenever you to them but they won't start any conversation on their own. Both the 2 types of people i said are not fit for any friendship.

I try not to associate with people who are jugement or shallow. If I find out they are not the real deal I dont hesitate t unfriend them. Not everyone on FB are nice but every now and again you do meet some genuine and lovely people xxxx

I am a writer and am attempting to make a little extra money via writing until I can land another teaching job....and many, many publishers and such rely of Facebook. It looks if I want to be competitive, I'm not going to have a choice, but I may set it up under a pseudonym and use it strictly for business. That would solve that. I like the idea of keeping in touch with friends, but the way my head works, with sudden vivid flashbacks and possible issues due to it, I don't think I can use Facebook strictly for fun or for that purpose...at least for now.