I consider this part of my healing process. This really happened back on July 24th. I completely forgot about it for what will be obvious reasons in a second, but you should enjoy it.

My abandonment was in progress. He'd already called the cops on me for showing up at his house in an attempt to talk but the "final blow" hadn't happened yet. Needless to say, I was in a dissociative fog. I couldn't think or feel much of anything. When I did, I was a mess.

My husband, son and I had just arrived in Idaho to look around to determine whether we wanted to make the move. We were still in the corridor in the airport when I saw a large poster. At the top of the poster were the words in big 6 inch or so letters: "Join BPD". The poster stopped me in my tracks, my heart started pounding seeing those words in big, bright letters for all to see. I stood there staring at the sign with my mouth open uncomprehending what I was looking at. A personal assult, perhaps? My husband stopped and stared too...and I think he got it before me. BPD stood for "Boise Police Department". As in Boise, Idaho. It was a recruiting poster! I wanted to take a picture of the poster but with my husband next to me I was self-conscious and didn't. I really wanted to share it.

Well, four days later, my abandonment was complete. I'd sent him a pen and paper letter before we left that he got. He emailed me cursing me out, saying that he was going to commit suicide and it was my fault. I called the Floridian police department from Idaho and they went and checked on him. The next day, he sent a text through my daughter saying that if I contacted him again he'd put a restraining order on me and possibly press harrassment charges. Not long after that, I made the decision to make the move. There's no way I could live so close to him without getting myself in trouble and the memories would be constantly overwhelming.

On our way through the airport on the way back to Florida, I looked at the sign again. Now, the sign was basically a "Welcome home" sign. We were running late so I once again couldn't take a picture, and I looked for the sign on-line and couldn't find it. Oh well.

This is definitely part of the healing process...One of those 'aha' moments, yes. When we realize the universe is conspiring not only to make us realize truth, but for us to laugh at the absurdity of it all, too! Or maybe that's just my own paranoia.

I really liked this story, carm, it is sad, yet it holds hope...hope in a new place, hope in discovering yourself, in working, growing...not only moving geographically, but moving forward. Thank you for sharing this.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

I am not laughing.

If I am, I am laughing with you.

I resonate now with your struggle with things.

You are not dealing with it alone.

You are okay.

You are a human being who makes mistakes.

This is what my mentor is telling me during times like this in my life.

I hold on to every word.

We got to. To hold on.

Just don't contact him.

You can do it.

You deserve your dignity and your self-respect.

peace,

Billi