[xxxispillcoffeexxx]

I need some help discovering ways to deal with a separation from my parents. I noticed today when I left my kitten outside and came back out she started crying and pushed herself into my lap. I act the same way with them. I obsess about them and every time we get into contact I regress in my recovery and it's like an emotional relapse for me. I was thinking about suicide all last night. But I realize that's me just trying to get attention. I use inpatient treatment to validate myself and avoid feeling because other people take care of me. I just don't want to cling to other people but I'm really sad and scared to be alone. I don't feel real unless I'm with other people but I don't want to feel that way. I want to be okay by myself. I just...need help.

[xxxispillcoffeexxx]

Crying and it's hard to breathe.

[Stormy Seas]

Hugs Ispillcoffee. Sorry you are feeling so low .
I don't think , thinking about suicide is trying to get attention, you are feeling low. It's just a thought. I understand wanting to be validated.
I don't have any advice or coping skills to offer you , however I'm hoping some others here will be able to offer some good advice .
I can however offer you Hugs and Support .

[Stormy Seas]

[quote=xxxispillcoffeexxx;2578530]Crying and it's hard to breathe.[/quote
((( BIG HUGS )))

Hey coffee,

Many hugs for you...
Being alone is so hard, especially for those of us with this wonderful disorder. We constantly need validation, a thing we have a hard time doing for ourselves. We also can't comfort ourselves very well...(a thing perhaps parents are good at.) This is a common theme, I think, in most people with BPD...thus we seek validation elsewhere, anywhere. The only way to truly heal from this, in my humble opinion, is from within ourselves.

Try to think of things your parents would say to you to help soothe your anxiety, depression and worry. Say those things to yourself...it may seem silly at first, but do it enough and the actions will follow. Try to do things your parents would do for you, for yourself. Would they cook a nice meal? Take you out to a movie? Buy you a present? Do these things for yourself. It sounds lonely, and it may feel that way...but it's better than being stuck in our own heads...we're being proactive. The more we do these things, the more we have confidence that our feelings are temporary, we are adding skills to our lives which will help us cope with horrible, overwhelming feelings.

Also, come and talk to us, you may feel extraordinarily lonely, but in reality, you're really not alone. We are all a bunch of sad, lonely people...the most we can do is be here for eachother, validate eachother and share our hope. I often feel desparately alone, despite reassurance that I'm not...I believe this is an inherent part of this disorder. How to make it stop? I don't have that answer...All I can do is show support and try to help you know that you're not alone, not by a long shot.

We can also use some 'radical acceptance': ie. "i don't enjoy how i'm feeling, but it won't always be this way." By accepting our feelings, our minds can not intensify them further...(My regular thoughts will take a feeling and spin it extremely out of proportion to its utmost extreme. If I feel slightly sad and lonely I therefore think that there is no hope at ALL , ever. I will forever be alone, forever and ever.) Sometimes it helps when another person reminds me that this shall too pass...everything else has. I try to remember moments of joy.

Thus far in my DBT work, I am learning about healthy distraction. Do something to take your mind off of it. Read a book, play a video game, go for a long walk, ride your bike, paint your house, dig in the dirt and plant something, write a story about something that makes you happy. It doesn't mean we're avoiding and bottling our feelings, but it just means we're having a hard time sitting in them right now. We can look at them later when our minds stop doing the 'snowball effect.' This takes a LOT of will and work, however...it is so hard to get out of a feeling or to distract long enough to do so...

I keep remembering a time when I was so depressed I didn't even have the strength to kill myself. Nothing helped. People tried everything. I tried everything...the only thing that worked was time...In retrospect now, I realized I survived it...if we try and integrate our thoughts, we realize that our feelings aren't separate from one another. The missing our parents go hand in hand with loving them and sharing happy times together. Our joy can be part of our sadness; it is the human condition to be drawn to times that have passed, but we are missing the present while we still hang onto that, and new joys to come.
Hope this helps.

-Strat

[Sadguy7]

I also have been separated, feels very sad and lonely I know

Hang in there though, it will be okay

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I, also, have no miracle cure for you but you ARE NOT alone regardless of how you feel. The DBT stuff takes a lot of work, but it does work. If you haven't done it, look in to it. If you have done it, it's time to pull out your old material and work on it some more. Keep yourself busy so you have less time to dwell on things, and talk to us when you feel the need. We all joined PC in an effort to find understanding and help. You've found it. You're not alone. Allow that to console you at least a little. You are talking to a group who "gets" it.

[i'm trying]

Hi Coffee
I'm so sorry that you're feeling so down, I have been doing DBT for a long while and one of the modules i use when i'm feeling miserable or glum or cranky or really pissed off and the list goes on..... is: with "Opposite Emotions" which is in the Distress Tolerance - Distracting chapter, of Wise Mind ACCEPTS, example : if you're sad (really bad) then put on a funny tv show , 1- it could make you feel not so alone because you are concentrating on the show and there are other people you are looking at, and 2 - you may just find yourself having a laugh or two without realizing it, then you would feel better (even if it's only for a minute or two!) it's a good start to finding a way out of the hole you are in at the moment I watch Becker , much to my partners disgust, and i do end up with a smile , give it a try

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Welcome to our pwbpd family!

We love you.

We validate you!

I am glad you reached out to us.

I too am learning self-validation, after self-hate has been ingrained in me and reinforced by the stigma toward pwbd's. (persons with bpd).

I too have cried so much.

Billi

[xxxispillcoffeexxx]

Thanks guys, I overdosed on Benydryl last night. I took seven but I'm much better today.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

I hope you're okay.

Sorry you went thru that.

I hope you stay safe tonight.

Keep feeling better.

B.