ADHD and comorbid????

I am coming out of a 3 year relationship that has just worn me out, such a rollercoaster ride of emotions.. with numerous break ups.. The woman I fell in love with was completely into me when we first met, couldnt take her eyes off of me, just worshipped me.. This lasted about 3 months, but conflict started driving a wedge between us quickly.. She had a boyfriend of 2 years prior that she broke up with that refused to go away, actually interfered with her last relationship before me.. He was doing all he could to sabotage our relationship for our entire relationship.. I tried countless times to get her to stop contacting him.. often she would tell me it was done, but was always finding out it wasnt.. She was passing on my private emails to him as well.. Her last boyfriend before me was also a problem for 5 months, played the same game with him.. Keep in mind, she was telling me she loved me at two months, and we were in a committed relationship.. So 5 months into our relationship, she starts giving me the stiff arm, feelings start diminishing, and she tells me love is a big word.. cant we just date..? etc.. Well, I find out she was working behind the lines with her exhusband who had divorced her for another woman.. Anyway, she finally tells me after 3 months of talking with him and working things out, that she is on the fence.. Husband finally exits the situation shortly after, because she is going to follow through with a vacation we had already planned.. He runs back to his ex fiance' and cuts all communication.. Obviously this adds more trust issues to the relationship.. Like an idiot, I stay...and try to forgive her.. Well, she she eventually gets frustrated again, because of the fallout from her ex husband, and the fact she is still in contact with her ex boyfriend.. We get in a fight close to xmas, then she just stops contact with me for 48 hrs, I hear nothing.. Couple days later.. I finally make contact with her, she says she is done, wants to break up.. Well, few weeks go by and she reaches out again, tells me she misses me.. We hook back up and we are laying on her bed, she is on her computer.. An email comes in from some man (his name was on it) and she is was frantically trying to remove it.. I made her open it of course, and there was evidence in the email that she had had sexual contact with this man. Long story short, it was someone who went to the same HS she went to that she always liked, but never knew.. He had friended her on facebook, and in 48 hrs of talks, she invited him to stay the night at her house since he was coming in town.. Of course, just as friends she said.. Well, she admitted she had done the unthinkable.. What really disturbed me was she said she never thought of me once during the experience... So.. like an idiot again.. I stay the course.. I had to deal with another bout with her going back to her ex husband again, and continued deception with her ex boyfriend that would not go away.. I do believe she had nothing for the ex boyfriend, but it was obvious what he was trying to do to our relationship for his own selfish reasons.. It was destructive.. On her last go round with her ex husband, I did come back to her, but I finally set my boundaries.. I told her I would have her password to her phone and email account.. and that if there was anymore contact with ex's or funny stuff.. I walked.. Of course, she promised me it would not happen again.. Well, two months in.. she again makes contact with the ex boyfriend, only through her daughter's account.. Which I eventually caught her doing.. We had a 3 week separation, and of course.. I came back.. Well, since she has been telling me I am controlling and abusive because I am finally putting my foot down and TRYING to protect my personal boundaries.. So, what does she do... She contacts my ex wife and ex girlfriend to try and dig up any scoop she can on me to see if this is who I really am!!! I was floored... and humiliated.. We are currently on the outs, and I have not seen her for 7 weeks, but she keeps playing the push/pull game with me.. toying with me.. I realize I did not set boundaries for myself and I was a doormat to her.. I get that, and I am going to see a counselor to work on myself from all this.. But I would like to get other's opinions on this as to what I was actually dealing with.. I feel it was more than ADD.. She was on welbutrin, after going off Adderal.. Adderal was causing health issues..

Few other things of note.. There was a naked photo of her on her phone when we first started dating when she was fanning through her photos.. I asked her what that was for, and she admitted to sending this photo to some guys she met on the internet.. (which disturbed me). Her mother says she is very criticial towards other peoples kids, very judgemental.. probably because she has so many problems with her own kids and their ADHD.. I dont know..

Last, when she broke up with me 7 weeks ago because she didnt want to deal with these boundaries, I went to pick up my stuff at her place, which is 1:45 minutes away (long distance relationship).. I had asked her to put the stuff in the garage, and that I didnt need a dramatic goodbye.. Well, she comes out and is sobbing like a child, even looked like a little kid with her frown downward, a look I dont think I had ever seen before.. I just said goodbye, got in my truck and left.. Well, it was no more than a minute later and she was texting me telling me to come back, she made a mistake.. Then she texted "I will never find another man as good as you, EVER." Then.. "I think I am going to be sick!".. Then.. "I am puking!." Ugh.. I couldnt help but chuckle to myself.. It was like dealing with a child.. I kept driving, and it was maybe a half hour later her texts went from begging to being mean.. Then started ripping me for anything and everything..

As you can see, this has been a long journey, one I am not proud of.. While she could be a great woman at times, this was always destroyed from her actions.. She always had a sense of entitlement.. told me after two months when I came back that I should be over all she did and trust her unconditionally.. She just never got it, or cared to get it!

Any input anyone would have would be greatly appreciated.. Part of my closure in all this is trying to understand what it was exactly that I was dealing with.. I read a lot about ADD, but this seemed so much more.. Im sorry this was so long, but its been a long haul...

Thank you!!

Confused...

I'm assuming that you want to know if she had bpd? who knows!! She has a lot of dysfunctional people all around her, and I'd probably lump you into the mix to some extent, but not as much as the others.

I love you at 2 months into the relationship sounds like nothing more than the high of the honeymoon stage, and at 5 months she finally came around and realized it was a bit premature.

There's nothing in here that really screams bpd, but she does have a lot chaos, and I think it's reasonable that she has some sort of disorder going on.

I think it's best for you that she's out of your life... Keep her out of your life. When you have to set a boundary of needing passwords it signifies a trust issue. A relationship with trust issues is a doomed relationship at some point.

Thanks for the response.. Yeah, my part in this is what I wasnt proud of.. I know I enabled her by not putting my foot down early with my own boundaries, and that is what bothers me for myself.. I dont know why I allowed myself to take a beating.. think I wanted this relationship too much.. The more involved I got into it, and being almost 2 hours away.. I just anchored in.. I left her three or four times in the relationship, but she was so good at the manipulation game, the push/pull.. I have read a lot about how you start feeling the same attachment and qualities of someone with BPD, and that is why I thought I might be experiencing this.. I think maybe it had turned to some obsessiveness on my part to make it work.. But she was very alluring, we had a lot of passion and intense love in the relationship, especially the first 4 months.. Then it was like a switch going off.. Just bizarre.. Its been hard detaching from it, especially when she keeps reeling me back in with the pulling..

You're welcome..

Yes!!!

I'm not sure that I fully agree with this. I have a feeling you knew on some level this wasn't a good relationship and probably wouldn't go anywhere, but this
interfered with common sense.

Yes!!

It's hard detaching from someone when you really want the relationship to work out. I think you know that it won't work out. You have to do what is best for you, and that is to avoid contact with her so you can remain detached. It seems that she is attracted to chaos and doubtful this will change anytime soon.

Thanks again for all your input.. it was very helpful..