I know I've mentioned previously more than once, in brief, my situation about my separation. I haven't really posted much about my situation as I usually reserve most of the gory details of my life to my closest friends but I just feel the need to share this in the hope to get some encouragement, prayer, and what not from you all. I didn't know where to post this other than here since most of the people I am acquainted with now are on this forum (bpd). Please forgive me if this turns into a long ramble, bear with me, there's a lot.

The beginning of my financial and emotional roller coaster didn't start in March but it took a turn for the worse at that point. Prior to that I have to say there are some things that kind of establish where I was in my marriage. I was never a man to abuse or cheat on my wife. Over the years she blamed me for a lot of things in her life not being right but the entire time, I feel I've been nothing but supportive. I was married 13 years when we separated. I never went out without her unless it was with the kids. I'm not a bar goer by any sense of the phrase, I don't do drugs. I went to work, came home, many times was the cook of the house, and did what I could to be a husband. Granted, I had my failures in the marriage, I won't even pretend to be the perfect man. I have always had emotional issues, and of course, I'm difficult at times due to my BPD, BP and probably AS (waiting to get dx). In 2010 I purchased a 2010 Premium Mustang that I had promised I would to my wife years before. I got a second job in late 2011 to support my family as my wife wanted to go to school and quit working. I had school at the time too.

In March, when she was still going to school and not working, my wife decided to kick me out and wanted a separation (well a divorce but my state does not allow divorce til after 1 year of separation). Considering that my name was primary on the lease, and I had to get a 2nd one, it was a risk to do this but I moved out finding another apartment nearby. Long story short, it became too much for my pocket book, what, with 2 leases, a new car and other bills.

Cutting to the chase, at the beginning of this chaos that is my life, I lost two leases and the new car as I couldn't juggle it all. Without a vehicle for a time I was unable to make it to work regularly. over time I lost an entire month's salary. Cabs were $100 a day to get to and from work, and at the time I was unaware of any buses nearby. I looked for them but came up empty. I looked on craigslist for a car and with my last decent check I purchased a cheap car from a lady. Turned out to be a lemon. I drove it as long as it would go but I have since had to get rid of the car. It had a head gasket blown, that if you know anything about cars, you know is a hefty bill to get fixed and the car was, well, a piece of junk in more ways than that. So I was left without a car again.

During the time I was driving the junker, I had found an extended stay hotel to move into that is paid for weekly. I'm still living there with my boys.

In a nutshell it's been a crazy circus.

Now for the hope. I don't trust people easily and due to my likely Aspergers disorder (my son and daughter also both have it) I am anything but social. I don't easily communicate IRL and have 0 friends but online ones. But I have been given hope in others now. Since my move to the hotel, I have found people around me that have done everything they can to get me back to work, bring us food, try to fix my car and many other things. The Hotel manager has discounted my rent, passed on collecting for a couple weeks even and has helped me to find other assistance all around. The people that fixed my car have also helped me to get rid of the car - his boss is the head mechanic of a shop and is buying it. The same person buying the car is selling me a decent replacement for very cheap. Another man in the hotel has been driving me all the way to work 14 or so miles out of his way for a small amount of money. I've been directed to the buses in my area and although it's a 1.6 mile walk to and from the bus stop, at least I'm getting to work even when my ride is unavailable. These people have been a Godsend for me and it has gotten me to the point where I'm working full time again.

I am now looking for another apartment as my kids need a more reasonable living space, and more permanent. I don't know if there is anyone willing to rent to someone with two recent evictions and a repo but I put an ad on craigslist laying it all out on the line and asking for help.

I have hope now. I believe somewhere there will be moer people that will help me to get on my feet again. I just need your prayers that more good will happen. I know many of you don't believe, but I have to say God, in this phase has truly kept me afloat, even if with a lot of struggling. Struggling is ok as long as your character is strengthened by this.

My goal is to get on my feet and be in a place where I too can be of help to my friends, or even others I don't know that are in my position. I know without that I would have surely sunk.

Thanks for listening!
*hugs to all*
S4

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

Struggling is ok as long as your character is strengthened by this.

S4-- I'm glad you're finding reasons for hope in the midst of some very hard times. The above quote made me smile because I react to it very much as I would to being told to eat my vegetables, but I know that there's truth in it too. Sending good thoughts your way.

Update: I had some responses to my ad on craigslist. One guy offered to rent his upper floor of his house for a cheap rent amount. He said my story resonated with him and he wants to help It's on a golf course, so apparently a nice area. Great for my boys I think. The only thing is whether my ex will have a problem with me* moving 14 min further away but then, it's really not a big change in distance.

*not me, but moving our kids further away

Originally Posted by Longleaf

S4-- I'm glad you're finding reasons for hope in the midst of some very hard times. The above quote made me smile because I react to it very much as I would to being told to eat my vegetables, but I know that there's truth in it too. Sending good thoughts your way.

Thank you so much longleaf. I know it's a hard pill to swallow, but I'm in a good place and recognize the truth in it right now
*hugs*

Thank you very much for sharing S4. I haven't been reading many posts lately; everyone has so many problems and I have a tendency of getting bogged down in them. I wish I could help everyone on here, but lately I feel as though I can barely help myself. Your story is inspiring and inspirational and I'm glad you're my friend and I've gotten to know you a little better.

[bpd2]

Hi, S4--I am so sorry to hear how things were, and I am inspired by what you wrote--both times. I often think I am hanging on by the skin of my teeth, but to hear your responsibilities and your commitment to them, makes me remember that I am more protected than I am in danger. I admire your strength and hope in the midst of your life. Wow. I mean, WOW. Be proud of yourself. I am so impressed!

Originally Posted by bpd2

Hi, S4--I am so sorry to hear how things were, and I am inspired by what you wrote--both times. I often think I am hanging on by the skin of my teeth, but to hear your responsibilities and your commitment to them, makes me remember that I am more protected than I am in danger. I admire your strength and hope in the midst of your life. Wow. I mean, WOW. Be proud of yourself. I am so impressed!

thanks so much for your post! I don't feel all that much like I have anything to be proud of but I'm glad that I'm getting through it just the same. Thanks so much. *hug*

Originally Posted by Maranara

Thank you very much for sharing S4. I haven't been reading many posts lately; everyone has so many problems and I have a tendency of getting bogged down in them. I wish I could help everyone on here, but lately I feel as though I can barely help myself. Your story is inspiring and inspirational and I'm glad you're my friend and I've gotten to know you a little better.

Thank you Mara, I'm glad something in my life is inspirational to someone. don't feel like I do much of anything worth saying that about, so to hear it from someone means a ton! *hug*