[radioactivegirl]

I'm really struggling with my identity and my self-destructive behavior. I have been abusing percocet again, and I know how bad it distorts my perception and how it conflicts with my medications, but I do it anyway because I want to hurt myself. I want to mess myself up chemically or injure myself in some way. My ultimate goal has always been to die. I'm admitting this here because I know I need help. I don't mean to rant, but I just feel like a burning wreck of a person, and I'm reaching out to you guys because I'm too big of a coward to tell the people I live with. I haven't been working or going to school. I'm 22 years old and I don't know how to start my life or who I am and I just want to give up and throw in the towel. Pills have always been the way I check out, and I've always wanted them to eventually end my life for me.

I guess I'm not asking anything specific on this forum, but I'm trying to reach out and find some kind of friendship or someone to relate to. I don't know anyone else who has been diagnosed with BPD so it would be nice to have someone to relate to. I have quit the percocet abuse. I was taking 4-6 a day for about a week and a half, but now I have no more and I've decided to go to the doctor and get my meds straightened out and see if that helps any. I'm also going to therapy on wednesday, so that should help to. It sucks that I have to admit to abusing percs, but I'm going to do it.

[shezbut]

I hope that you hold onto the strength that you have right now to speak up in T, and tell him/her the truth about how you've been feeling & what you've done to avoid feeling so crummy.

Very best wishes to you ~ welcome to PC!