Hi yall. My name is "Lightbulb7". I recently had a disability hearing about three weeks ago. I was applying for disability for my paranoid schizophrenia. During this hearing, I was confronted with my complete medical records. I was shocked to find out that I actually don't have paranoid schizophrenia at all. I don't know why my mom told me that. I actually have "Borderline Personality Disorder". I was shocked. How the heck is schizophrenia like bpd? Well, I am not getting use to this very well. My dad has BPD. This is what makes me not want it. My dad describes it like this "Borderline Personality Disorder is like this Glinda, You are a brilliant idiot." What does that mean? What is borderline personality disorder? I wondered why the symptoms of paranoid schizophrenia did not totally fit me, but this? I would rather be in a wheelchair? How do yall cope? Do I have to accept this? How can this be? I just cannot accept this but do I have to? Why have I not known this? So many questions and no answers.

[missbelle]

I found this from our site:


A person with this disorder will also often exhibit impulsive behaviors and have a majority of the following symptoms:

• Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment
• A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation
• Identity disturbance, such as a significant and persistent unstable self-image or sense of self
• Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating)
• Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior
• Emotional instability due to significant reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)
• Chronic feelings of emptiness
• Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)
• Transient, stress-related paranoid thoughts or severe dissociative symptoms

I read your bio and if you survived with ALL you went thru in that bio then you can survive this which is nothing compared to what you have already been through. You are indeed a survivor.....I was so impressed with your bio!!! Please do not this little thing get you down....its only a dx....who cares?.......Its not WHO you are is it? Of course not!!!

The only thing its good for is the disbility hearing!!!! ...NOTHING ELSE!

Thinking of you with love;
Dee

Thanks Missbelle, you are right! I guess I just didn't want to have something in common with my dad, but you know what? We're gonna make it. Also, this is going to take some getting use to, I thought I had paranoid schizophrenia for the last eleven years lol, and it did not fit me totally. Maybe now that I have found this out I can sort things out more accurately instead of trying to make the other diagnosis fit. Thanks for the positivity! Yours truly, Lightbulb7

Originally Posted by missbelle

The only thing its good for is the disbility hearing!!!! ...NOTHING ELSE!

Not sure I would quite go that far. I don't claim disability whatsoever and never will. Does that mean my Dx is worthless? no. It is good for a few other things too, not the least of these being able to understand yourself better. If one knows exactly the diagnosis for themselves, they are better able to research and learn of the reasons behind some of their troubling behaviors. Secondly, if one seeks out a therapist, having the right Dx is very important. If she were to go and try to get help for something like schizophrenia rather than BPD, the outcome would be drastically different.

all that being said, is it something we should let affect our lives adversely? no. I think that people do get hung up on the negatives of their dx and let it depress them, or hold them back. It should not be something that defines you, just a description of some of your personal challenges with your life. Like the diagnosis of having asthma, psoriasis or other health problems, those things don't define who you are, they are just health problems. Think of your personality disorder dx that way.

Hope this helps

Originally Posted by lightbulb7

...I guess I just didn't want to have something in common with my dad...

I can relate to this totally. I have the same feelings about my father. I don't even think he has BPD, but still I dont' want to be like my dad. Thing is though it's inevitable that you'll have many things in common with both of your parents disorder or not, you're gonna be like him in some ways - he's your dad!

Just because he has bpd and you see the negative things about him, doesn't mean you're stuck doing those same things though!

Also, his description is pretty simplistic and kind of insulting. Doesn't sound like he really has a grasp on what it is nor would I look to him for answers, since it clearly is a negative perspective he has.

[likewater]

i can relate. even if you have the same dx, it doesn't mean you are like him.(your dad)
i look just like my mom, but i am not like her. i also have mental illness as does my mom and traumatic brain issues, but i am still very different from her. you are you. you have your own special spirit that God gave you, and that will never change, no matter what label the psychiatric community gives you.

Hey LB,

Welcome to our big (and loving) dysfunctional family in the BPD forums.
Let me first say that you're not alone.
Many of us suffer from this disorder, and there are recovery options (many people recovery fully from BPD ) It just takes a LOT of work, patience and much kindness to yourself. Many of us here have started the path toward recovery via DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy)...again, it's a long hard road, but certainly teaches a lot.
Find more info here:
www.dbtselfhelp.com

Also, feel free to talk anytime (send a PM or log into chat), many people here can offer their unique experiences and help, at least to reassure you that you're not alone on this journey.
Much love.
-Strat

Thanks yall, my immediate family has been very helpful and supportive too. My mom told me all this time that I had schizophrenia, and I am a little tiffed about this because she knew all this time and it would have been helpful to have this information but that's how the chips fell in my world so, no use holding grudges I guess. I will come around more often and I will have to try to educate myself a little more about this. Thanks for the encouragement and information yall. yours truly, Lightbulb7

If you are under psychiatric care, why hasn't your doctor and/or therapist discussed the diagnosis with you?

Labels irritate me, but they help guide treatment. The correct diagnosis will usually result in a more favorable outcome if one is willing to work and comply with the treatment plan. I say this with 100% conviction, since I have experienced this.

Right now, I am learning a diagnosis is just a diagnosis. It doesn't say much about a person's personality. Remember you are not BPD and your father.

[unaluna]

you have been sounding a lot better. figuring out my family's lies about me - ie that they held behind my back, believed about, treated me as if were true but weren't, but never admitted to me, just assumed I knew! - well, figuring all that out has been very healing for me. it's putting together a jigsaw puzzle without a picture, so it's not easy, but you do have the pieces - now they finally make sense. you're probably a lot less crazy than THEY are, was my conclusion. I used to say that kiddingly, that I was the sane one in the family, but I guess it was the truth!

I have not been under psychiatric care, I have just been hospitalized a few times within the last decade, with many years no treatment whatsoever. So we have just treated this situation kind of like my aunt who has schizophrenia, if there's no "action" no treatment needed I guess lol.