[borderfly]

hello, i found out i was bpd about 3 weeks ago after my h said he had had enough of my abuse and had isolated himself from me. i started looking on-line and realized i was bpd, i showed my h the symptoms and he was amazed at how all the symptoms described me. since then i have sought out a therapist and am in line for a bpd treatment group at my hospital. my h has no love, self esteem or support left for me after years of being abused and i understand. when asked if he is going to leave me he says he doesn't know. since learning i am bpd i am very relieved to know there is a reason for my lifelong suffering and to finally see all my hard to know shadow behaviour clearly standing right in front of me in the light has already gone a long way to starting me on the road to recovery. my problem now is i keep getting feelings of abandonment and punishing triggers from my h who is solely working on his own healing. this triggering sets me back days sometimes. i told him that for me to do the quickest healing right now i need minimal contact from him. (he lives in a separate building on the same property) this is still hard but better than being actively ignored. does anyone have any suggestions for this situation?

I wish I had an answer for you...I have my own problems with my H and BPD that I'm not dealing well with. I just wanted to show you support and hope that things get better.

Well first, you're already doing the first things to recovery. But it's going to take time and if your H needs healing, he may also benefit from a T now. It may be too early to suggest it to him. Hang in there and don't expect too much from him for the moment. As he sees you trying to get better and you improve he may change and come back and warm up to you again. If you loved each other at some point, it can be rekindled but it won't be right away. We tend to expect instant results and I'm here to tell you - don't. Focus on you and don't worry about him yet.

*many hugs* I know this is hard. But you're getting help! yay!
~S4

[borderfly]

thank you poobah, good advice. yes i do expect instant results but i am trying to cultivate patience. he has started seeing a T but his self help keeps looking like abandonment. i must remember that that is mostly my bpd talking. i will focus on me not on him!!!
thanks for the hug misskeena!
and thanks for acknowledging a problematic situation maranara!

Good. Keep it in your conscious mind that your thinking can cloud your perception of his actions. I'm glad he's getting help too. I am rooting for both of you!