[peacequest]

I've suffered from borderline personality disorder for most of my life, also schizoid-affective disorder. Have been in a psychiatric hospital multiple times and have had ECT's for a suicide attempt and severe depression. Make a long story short, my daughter, 48 years old, keeps telling me she forgives me for all the trauma I caused when I was raising her. I've been in and out of bad relationships, married four times. But I have always loved my daughter. I know when I was sick I couldn't be a good mother to her, but I've been doing better for almost twenty years now, have gone back to college and earned a masters degree in liberal studies, and have done everything I could do to better myself and show my daughter how much I love her. The thing is she is always throwing the past up at me and tells me I've been a bad mother but she forgives me, but it seems she doesn't really forgive me because she uses the past against me as well as using the present against me in the sense that she realizes I have a good relationship with her three brothers and their wives and that they accept me even though I have had mental illness. My one son allows me to babysit my granddaughters regularly, and I'm at his house a lot. My daughter tells me I need to spend more time with her and her family to make up for my past neglect of her. But when I do she criticizes me and is cold and resentful. I tell her all the time how much I love her, but this doesn't seem to do any good. I am sixty-nine years old and it breaks my heart how she is with me. I feel guilty enough knowing I had mental illness especially when she, a church-going Christian, interprets mental illness as a moral failing and as a sin. In truth, I don't believe she will ever forgive me, no matter what I do for her, and she appears very resentful that I get along with the rest of my children and they with me. When I am with her, I feel condemned and judged to the point that I feel myself mentally fragile and it takes all I have within me to remain strong and not condemn myself as well. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

[greentires4me]

that must be very difficult to live with that someone you love would do that to you. You cannot force the person you love to accept you for you neither could you pressure them to forgiving. But when do you move on to loving accepting you for you is what I am wondering. Remember you are a person in all of this that needs loving too and you can only do so much for your daughter. Next step is accepting and forgiving yourself if she can't do it for you, you can do it for yourself.

I hope this helps at least some...

[peacequest]

Thanks for your kind reply. I need to paste your words on my desk to look at often: " Next step is accepting and forgiving yourself if she can't do it for you, you can do it for yourself." You've been very encouraging. Thank you