Okay, so we all know that weekends aren't good for us. But I got myself up and out of my pjs today, put on some cute clothes and even a little perfume, and got myself out of the house today to do a little grocery shopping.

*sigh*

I didn't stay there long, and I ended up crying in my car the entire way home. Being in the bright, loud store, seeing everyone with their families, significant others, and friends made me so sad and depressed that I just rushed through my shopping and got out of there.

I can't live like this. I'm afraid that this disorder will eventually be the end of me.

[youwillrise]

grocery shopping is usually my only outing. i didnt do it this weekend, though. i went to visit my grandmother yesterday...which ive been saying i was gonna do for 2 weeks.

other than that...eh.

im pretty boring.

Visiting your grandmother is a good thing. I'm sure she was happy you did it.

[beautifulfreak]

You tried, it is good you acknowledge the fact that you tried. I know how hard it must have been. I have only left the house five times in last six months. I find this disorder and everything that goes with it so debilitating. I posted you a reply earlier regarding DBT. As I said, I really and truly hope it helps you. Unfortunately, it not benefit me much at all and that has compounded my feelings of failure, depression, low self esteem and so forth and I have gone back to my old coping mechanisms…the ineffective ones. Look, you tried something today, and even that is an accomplishment in itself.

[MissLadyRed]

Good on you for trying MissKeena. I understand that feeling all too well. Like today for example. My partner wants to go to the beach and have a nice day but I can't get out of bed and dread going outside. Now I feel I've ruined his day.
I find shopping very stressful for me too and I either leave in anger or sobbing into my hands. It's great you got out and gave it your best. Hugs to you.

[greentires4me]

good one at trying at least you tried even though it was hard you got through the best you could.

[TheRealFDeal]

I can completely identify. Alone outings can often make you feel more lonely than if you were at home by yourself. Seeing other people happy makes me afraid that I will not know how to feel happy even if my life improves somehow. I guess that's where my lack of motivation comes in--even if I did the things that are supposed to make me better, I can't imagine feeling better, and I can't seem to do them on blind faith.

Originally Posted by TheRealFDeal

I can completely identify. Alone outings can often make you feel more lonely than if you were at home by yourself. Seeing other people happy makes me afraid that I will not know how to feel happy even if my life improves somehow. I guess that's where my lack of motivation comes in--even if I did the things that are supposed to make me better, I can't imagine feeling better, and I can't seem to do them on blind faith.

Yeah, it's really hard to even get the motivation to go out and do something. And then you do it and it's like, why did I do this? I could have sat at home and avoided feeling sad.

I don't know. I have to see my pdoc, my T and work tomorrow and I'm just praying that they cancel my shift. That is such an overload of people all in one day after spending the weekend alone that I don't know how I'm going to do it.