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Mar 26, 2013 at 02:24 PM
#1
I have a way of not being able to let go of certain stupid things I say for a long time, if ever. Does anyone else have that? I wonder if it's a BPD thing, like, if it's part of the BPD guilt thing?
For example, I kind of snapped at a coworker this past weekend who I felt was micromanaging me and kind of at me all day. I know that's linked to guilt but now, with ruminating on how I snapped at her (and how I must be a bad person, and how she must hate me, even though I know it's not true) I start ruminating on stupid things I've said years ago that have stuck with me. Times I've snapped at someone, or comments I've made, or just something that came out wrong. It could be anything that's drawn negative attention to me. It's really annoying. I try to tell myself that I'm probably the only person that remembers what I've said, or that in the grand scheme of things it doesn't matter, or that my coworker will eventually forget or that it eventually won't matter to her, but that doesn't help. Anyone else identify with this? |
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 BeautifullyDeprived, BrokenNBeautiful, unaluna
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Poohbah
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Mar 26, 2013 at 02:30 PM
#2
I tend to remember what other people say, rather than what I say. Alas, for I cannot long hold to guilt! (falls over dramatically)
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 unaluna
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Mar 26, 2013 at 02:33 PM
#3
Yes, I do this all the time. Things I've said a looong time ago, that weren't even a big deal and something the other person probably didn't see anything wrong with, randomly will pass through my mind and I'll feel stupid for it all over again. I always feel stupid after snapping at someone or getting upset at someone, too.
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Mar 26, 2013 at 02:38 PM
#4
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Mar 26, 2013 at 02:38 PM
#5
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Magnate
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Mar 26, 2013 at 03:37 PM
#6
yes alll the time I think about for ages after thinking why I even did that in the first place was I that angry or did it come out shrew.
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Mar 26, 2013 at 06:12 PM
#7
I feel like I say stupid stuff even when I'm not mad. Guess that's why people ignore me. Don't really care anymore. I am who I am and if people don't like its there loss. I am a nice caring person, a little messed up but that's life.
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liveforfish
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Mar 27, 2013 at 03:11 AM
#8
Yep, I don't just do this with things I say, I do it with the way I act too and wonder with some things whether I acted in a way I shouldn't have when I do very mild things that others probably don't even care about/notice. When I make mistakes in front of people I go over it in my head too, I guess stupid things just count as another mistake on my behalf to me.
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Veteran Member
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Mar 27, 2013 at 03:21 AM
#9
I do the same thing! Beating up on myself for stupid things/awkward moments I've said in the past is probably one of my favorite past times.
 It's like chain reaction, you think of one thing and it makes you think of EVERYTHING. I always get overwhelmed and freak out when that happens and sometimes wind up saying more stupid things to people lol.I do this with other things too like my childhood.. I just rehash all the trauma I went through and get really angry at my family. |
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Member
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Mar 27, 2013 at 06:03 AM
#10
I do this all the time, constantly and I'm glad I am not alone. Every day I'll have flashbacks of things that happened years ago and what I said and how I acted and feel so awful and think that those people must still remember it too. Most nights when I can't sleep it is become things I did in the past come back and take over my brain. It causes so much anxiety and shame for myself. The past few months have been worse than ever. I'm so consumed by these thoughts that I often wish there was a machine that would erase all those bad memories. I'm even scared seeing people if there is a bad memory attached to them from 10 years ago. I'm sure they have forgotten about it, but I'm convinced they haven't. Makes it so hard for me to move on with my life. So maybe it is a BPD thing. I honestly re-live the things I've said every day. Totally understand how you're feeling.
__________________ "So many people are shut up tight inside themselves like boxes, yet they would open up, unfolding quite wonderfully, if only you were interested in them.” ~ Sylvia Plath 
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Mar 27, 2013 at 05:15 PM
#11
I also AGREE with the remembrance of things said or done. I do both, remember what I said or did and/or remember what they said or did.
__________________ " Your sick of being numb, your not the ONLY one " ~ 
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Mar 27, 2013 at 10:04 PM
#12
Quote:
I also feel like I can't even speak right. Like, every time I open my mouth to speak to people, I stumble over my words like my tongue is too big for my mouth or something. RAWR! I'm cool, really, I am, and I have interesting and even witty things to say. But then I stammer and mess up the things I say and I sound like a dimwit or a 6 year old when I'm really actually a nearly 35 year old woman and somewhat intelligent (not trying to be cocky, but I'm not a dimwit. Just sayin'). Un-freaking-believable. |
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