although i don't think this has anything that might trigger someone, anything can trigger someone, and since this could be considered a matter of self-esteem issues so anyway...possible trigger.




i don't know how to take compliments. no matter who says it or how or the circumstances, i feel like i don't deserve it or that i should apologize because i feel like i was bragging or something and i hate braggarts...

i mean, sometimes, yes, i want to brag on myself, if i truly feel like i've accomplished something worth telling someone about, but...

like just a few minutes ago, a friend from church posted a picture of an easter basket that looked like it could have been crocheted, and i commented "i could crochet that" not meaning to sound like i was bragging, and then when she commented back she said i was so talented but you know, it's over the internet, and i don't know her that well, and although my first instinct is to know she's not meaning it in a derogatory way, i still feel like...well, if i saw someone say that, i might think they were bragging at least a little. so i apologized by saying i just meant there might be a pattern for it and i was recruiting another crocheter if she was interested in joining my group, haha...

i feel like i'm over-analyzing it but i probably sounded so stupid...

anyone else have trouble taking compliments? for me, it always ends up with me trying to negate it, because i'm not talented, it's just a hobby, it's something anyone can learn to do. i mean, i've taught four people so far and they're all at the same level now, they all picked it up at the same speed and are developing their own styles...

i know i'm not the only one on this forum who feels this way....

[poptart316]

I can relate.. I guess I'm pretty good looking and people compliment me all the time, I'm kind of used to it but still feel awkward when people say it and in my mind I think I'm y'know averagely good looking. I'm the same way with singing.. people really like my voice and I kind of believe it sometimes but still feel like I could be better at it. I don't even think it's self esteem, I'm just being realistic and humble.

[Ultra Darkness]

I can deal with complements online. But face-to-face, I hate them.

[stargazer111]

I can't take compliments either. I always make excuses like "oh no that's not true because _____." I can't just say thank you and let it make me feel good about myself like it should. I always feel guilty for some reason. Low self-esteem, I'm sure.

I also hate drawing attention to myself, but at the same time I want attention. I'm needy but I also push people away...my relationships always end up being shallow because I won't let people get too close. Fear of rejection and also that low self-esteem? (thinking I don't deserve friends, or rather they don't deserve to have a friend who's so messed up).

In regards to the crochet thing, I always analyze everything I say too and feel like I say stupid things that people are going to judge me for or think that I'm being rude when I totally didn't mean it that way. Especially if it's someone I don't know very well. Like recently, I was talking to this lady in one of my classes, she's older than me probably by about 15 years or so and I said "I'm already 25 so I feel like I should be done with school by now." And then I felt like my face turned white because that might have sounded really rude...but she just smiled and kept talking like she didn't even notice (I hope she didn't!)

Anyways, I'm trying to work on not caring so much what people think but also thinking about what I say before I say it...I just get so nervous with people I blurt things out that I don't really mean to say and then worry about it for days haha

i don't know why but i'm just not good with them at all. maybe it's just me, maybe it's something my parents did. i don't even know how i got this way. i know my parents were always saying how smart i was, how talented, whatever...but i don't remember ever believing them, and i don't even know why.

maybe it's because i knew my parents' compliments were empty and not really how they felt. i know that's what i think.

it's days like this i wish i had therapy once a week instead of every two weeks, because i always find something to talk about the day AFTER therapy...ugh.

[stargazer111]

OMG when I was in therapy...for some reason I always started to feel better right before my appointments and then the day after I would think of all the things I should have said lol

I'm fairly certain I am this way because of all the peer rejection I faced all throughout elementary and junior high school. I was picked on, people played jokes on me...it was constantly humiliating. On several occasions people pretended to be my friend, that they wanted to be my boyfriend, or said they liked my outfit or what not... when they really didn't, just to get a laugh.

My parents also constantly told me how good I was at everything, but I don't think I believed them either.

I guess I just don't believe anyone anymore. I don't trust people. I'm pretty cynical these days.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

I struggle with this.

I know where it comes from.

My primary caretaker often said, "No one knows you like I do, Carol. They're just being polite. Let them spend more than a day with you and they will take it back."

I also had a so-called best friend who said things like that to me.

I never know what goes thru ppl's heads. They could be just saying stuff to me about how pretty I look, or whatever. Or they could be saying it for real.

I never learned to feel good about myself and that's why I struggle with this.

It's between me and myself now.

I learned in a recovery group over the past year that people who pay me compliments are expressing an opinion about me and I can agree or disagree with them. I like agreeing better! But there goes my head, disagreeing, "Oh, she can't really mean that I look so nice or that I said this great thing, or whatever." I would like to agree with a compliment. It does feel better.

Carol

I think women in general, even without psych issues, aren't great at taking compliments because we're conditioned to demure when we're offered a compliment. With men it's the opposite. That's society in general, I'm not saying that we're all this way. As far as those of us with BPD? Hell yeah, I think we're bad at taking compliments. I think we're good at feeling ashamed of ourselves and not so good at feeling proud of ourselves or our accomplishments so if someone compliments us we wonder what the catch is. I mean, there is a small part of me that believes I'm pretty but a much bigger part of me that believes I'm fat, ugly, worthless, and completely unlovable so all of the people who have complimented me on my looks and especially my hair (I have very red, naturally curly hair and I get complimented by complete strangers all the time and have since I was a baby) may as well be blowing hot air at me for all the good it does in reinforcing the belief I have in my own self-image.

[beautifulfreak]

In a nutshell…cannot take compliments at all, I always think people need glasses (or new glasses) if they compliment my physical looks etc. When people compliment me on achievements or whatever I just negate it.

Also, my aunt said last week 'you are so brave and so strong after everything you have been through'. How can I agree with that? Because I don't feel brave or strong.

Also, as misskeena pointed out, females in general also find it hard to take compliments. But yes, it would be nice if we could accept compliments.