[piecesofaperson]

I was recently diagnosed with bpd, depression, anxiety and intermittent explosive disorder. I had been dealing with severe depression for almost two months and finally ended up in the hospital after a failed suicide attempt. Before then I had been drinkin and doing drugs atleast five days out of the week, along with a lot of self harm. After being released from the hospital from an overdose on diphenhydramine (Benadryl), I was sent to see a psychiatrist. He started me on hydroxizine for my anxiety and Lamotrigine as a mood stabilizer. I've currently been in the medication for a little over two weeks and just upped my doses. Over the last week and a half I've noticed that my mood swings are getting worse. Im having severe manic episodes where its impossible to sit still. I've been missing work, been extremely irritable, very fatigued but not able to sleep. The anxiety and depression have both gotten worse. Half the time I feel like a zombie and have been suffering from more and more disassociation. Im drinkin more than I was and doin more drugs. My suicidal thoughts and self harm have increased. I feel like im losing my mind even more. I feel like its a result of the medicine. I have another appt on the 29th, but I fear I won't make it to then. I've read that these symptoms will increase if I stop the medication. I dont know what to do.

[Ultra Darkness]

I shouldn't say this. I know better.

Whatever.

I'd stop taking them, but that doesn't mean you should.

Originally Posted by piecesofaperson

I was recently diagnosed with bpd, depression, anxiety and intermittent explosive disorder. I had been dealing with severe depression for almost two months and finally ended up in the hospital after a failed suicide attempt. Before then I had been drinkin and doing drugs atleast five days out of the week, along with a lot of self harm. After being released from the hospital from an overdose on diphenhydramine (Benadryl), I was sent to see a psychiatrist. He started me on hydroxizine for my anxiety and Lamotrigine as a mood stabilizer. I've currently been in the medication for a little over two weeks and just upped my doses. Over the last week and a half I've noticed that my mood swings are getting worse. Im having severe manic episodes where its impossible to sit still. I've been missing work, been extremely irritable, very fatigued but not able to sleep. The anxiety and depression have both gotten worse. Half the time I feel like a zombie and have been suffering from more and more disassociation. Im drinkin more than I was and doin more drugs. My suicidal thoughts and self harm have increased. I feel like im losing my mind even more. I feel like its a result of the medicine. I have another appt on the 29th, but I fear I won't make it to then. I've read that these symptoms will increase if I stop the medication. I dont know what to do.

I'd start reducing the dosage a little today, then a little more in a few days, basically weaning yourself off of them. I'd call you doctor and see if he'll bump up your appointment to as soon as possible and talk to a pharmacist about them and go online and look up possible side effects and such. See if any common foods you eat (such as grapefruit which a big culprit for a lot of them) are known to have negative effects with drugs. I'd also go to an emergency room if you believe you're in danger, whether it be from the drugs or yourself.

Keep in mind and drugs do not cure BPD and that drugs work differently on different people.

[greentires4me]

If you like you can lower the dose yourself or stop taking them all together...I know the drugs and alcohol do not mix well together their just a depressant and making everything worse I seen first hand results myself. Maybe there is a way to cut back on your using to counteract you intake of your prescribed drugs.

within doubt go to the emergency room if you have any feeling of your not going to make it their there to help.

[beautifulfreak]

You have been on the medication for a short time yet and it is difficult to find the therapeutic dose for each individual person, unfortunately it's trial and error. Alcohol and meds are not a good combination…I know you already know that but just saying, just in case. Yes, definitely speak to a professional about all of this. Or go to A and E (if only I could take my own advice)

I am on a lot of medications also, you mentioned lamictal, that is one of the mood stabilisers I am on…doesn't help me…BUT everyone is different and it's a lot of trial and error.

Yes, meds are not a "cure" for BPD in itself, however, because of the co- morbid disorders medication is usually necessary.

Best wishes

Best of luck piecesofaperson, that is all I can offer you at this point as I in a very low place currently. Hope I was of some help.

Originally Posted by beautifulfreak

You have been on the medication for a short time yet and it is difficult to find the therapeutic dose for each individual person, unfortunately it's trial and error. Alcohol and meds are not a good combination…I know you already know that but just saying, just in case. Yes, definitely speak to a professional about all of this. Or go to A and E (if only I could take my own advice)

I am on a lot of medications also, you mentioned lamictal, that is one of the mood stabilisers I am on…doesn't help me…BUT everyone is different and it's a lot of trial and error.

Yes, meds are not a "cure" for BPD in itself, however, because of the co- morbid disorders medication is usually necessary.

Best wishes

Best of luck piecesofaperson, that is all I can offer you at this point as I in a very low place currently. Hope I was of some help.

I disagree on your "co-morbid disorders". Anxiety, depression, impulsiveness, eating disorders, drinking and drug use, and many others are part of BPD, not separate conditions. That is one of the reasons a lot of therapists refuse to diagnose BPD...they'd rather treat the various symptoms instead of the cause.

And I'm not saying that drugs are bad for all people. Some people need them to cope, and I have no issues for that. It's just not me.

[Fuzzybear]

I agree with beautiful, I think it's different for everyone....

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I agree with beautiful, I think it's different for everyone....

It is different for everyone...I am not denying that, but I do believe that a lot of things people try to push off as separate conditions are not separate at all. They are all part of BPD. These are the 9 traits straight from the DSM:

1. frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. NOTE: Do
not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5.

2. a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships
characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation

3. identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image
or sense of self

4. impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging
(e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating).
NOTE: Do not include suicidal or self-mutiliating behavior covered in
Criterion 5.

5. recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or
self-mutilating behavior

6. affect instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense
episodic dysphoria [unpleasant mood], irritability, depression, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)

7. chronic feelings of emptiness

8. inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g.,
frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)

9. transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative
symptoms [i.e., the affect does not match the emotional tone, etc.]

These cover pretty much everything everyone talks about as part of BPD.

[Ultra Darkness]

What does "affect instability" mean? I know what an affect is, but the term sort of confuses me.

Originally Posted by Ultra Darkness

What does "affect instability" mean? I know what an affect is, but the term sort of confuses me.

It means that our moods can change on a dime....they are not stable. We can go from happy to depressed to anxious, to everything in between in a very short amount of time. Another thing, you have to meet 5 of these traits to be considered BPD. I'm no an expert but have studied BPD a lot since I discovered it last year and can explain any of the other traits if anyone would like me to.

I will amend one point on this "co-morbid conditions". There is one: PTSD. Many people who have BPD were caused by tramatic events early in life, but it's not across the board. Not everyone who has BPD suffers from PTSD

[Fuzzybear]

I think PTSD is often "co-morbid" with severe depression.

(goes back to cave)

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I think PTSD is often "co-morbid" with severe depression.

(goes back to cave)

I think PTSD is "co-morbid" with a lot of things. Severe depression in itself is sometimes caused by a chemical or hormone imbalance such as post-partum depression or depression around "mid-life crisis" time. Those of us with rough childhoods with abuse and neglect thrown in are much more susceptible to other stuff, and later life PTSD..war situations, rape, disasters, etc, are much more susceptible to depression among other things. At least that's my take on it. Of course, as was pointed out before, it varies gigantically from person to person.

[beautifulfreak]

Hi Maranara,

I do not think it is necessary to quote off verbatim the DSM-IV-TR (2000) criteria for BPD for my benefit, I am well aware of the criteria. I personally find that offensive that you felt the need to spell it out to me, so to speak. I fit all 9 by the way as I'm sure a lot of people here on PC do. No matter if we have 5 or all 9, it is still a very hard, almost unbearable disorder to live with.

And yes, co-morbidity does exist and thus there is overlap between disorders.

However, take for example-Depression, Major Depressive Disorder that I suffer from-this does often overlap and is separate. Number 6 in the DSM describes episodic and not long lasting.

Therefore, I personally, do require medication for my depression, not everyone does require medication, however, that may be because the depression is more episodic or maybe the person does not feel the need for medication? I am only speaking for myself. I am also on mood stabilisers, benzos and anti-psychotics to help with mood. However, I do not want to list out all my medications here.

Personally, I wish I wasn't on any medication. I have also undergone therapy in conjunction with meds.

I do understand the point you are making Maranara. In fact you do make a valid point...
The new DSM-5 is due out soon and I am sure that will offer even more complexity regarding criteria! I also think there will be a change to the "label" of BPD, which in my personal opinion is a good development, especially in reducing stigma as the disorder will be described in a more "gentle" way that won't seem so terrifying, especially for those that are newly diagnosed.

Finally, I think for me anyway, the sad fact is 1 in 10 people with BPD go on to die by suicide…my friend was one of those people. I myself am tortured with suicidal attempts, thoughts and self harm and I guess that is what frightens me the most.

Beautifulfreak will now make a hasty retreat back to her nest.

[Fuzzybear]

Hey guys, let's not argue. (any further)Both of you are good people.... I know personally how hard being triggered by posts is. Maranara, have you read "The Four Agreements?

I don't think beautiful was calling you offensive, rather that she felt offended and triggered. To me, there's quite a difference there.

Fuzzy who has been split black to the extreme by stepmother etc.

[Fuzzybear]

I took it as you replying to my post as you posted after me. Hang in there.

Fuzzy who had a meltdown yesterday...

Goes to cave..

Originally Posted by Maranara

I really appreciate being called offensive. Thanks for making my day!! and I wonder why I'm even here. I was trying to make a point, not just to you but to anyone who doesn't quite get the traits....and I fit all nine as well.

[Perna]

If you are still drinking heavily and doing other drugs, etc. I don't know how you can tell what's causing what. Not being able to sit still is "agitation", not "mania". It does not sound like you are taking yourself and your care very seriously, trying to learn healthy ways to help yourself, etc. I'd get back to the psychiatrist and explain your difficulties and see what the two of you can devise to help you better.

[beautifulfreak]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I took it as you replying to my post as you posted after me. Hang in there.

Fuzzy who had a meltdown yesterday...

Goes to cave..

In response to Maranara…

Just to clarify I did not say "you" are offensive, I felt the "action" of listing off the criteria for what seemed to be of my benefit to be offensive. I only saw the post this evening. I will not accept responsibility for ruining your day. It is approaching 10pm here now and I am surviving minute by minute.

I want to apologise to the original poster that this has occurred on your thread, I was only trying to offer my help, for what is it worth.

Originally Posted by beautifulfreak

I personally, do require medication for my depression, not everyone does require medication, however, that may be because the depression is more episodic or maybe the person does not feel the need for medication? I am only speaking for myself. I am also on mood stabilisers, benzos and anti-psychotics to help with mood.

I am on medication too and tbh I don't think that I would be here today if I wasn't on them, I admit I do need them I wish that I didn't but I do, I have depression, PTSD alongside BPD it's no fun at all, I am wishing my therapy will help me so hopefully I will eventually stop all my medication. I have a nurse that visits me every 2 weeks to make sure that I take my medication too

[The_little_didgee]

Originally Posted by piecesofaperson

I was recently diagnosed with bpd, depression, anxiety and intermittent explosive disorder. I had been dealing with severe depression for almost two months and finally ended up in the hospital after a failed suicide attempt. Before then I had been drinkin and doing drugs atleast five days out of the week, along with a lot of self harm. After being released from the hospital from an overdose on diphenhydramine (Benadryl), I was sent to see a psychiatrist. He started me on hydroxizine for my anxiety and Lamotrigine as a mood stabilizer. I've currently been in the medication for a little over two weeks and just upped my doses. Over the last week and a half I've noticed that my mood swings are getting worse. Im having severe manic episodes where its impossible to sit still. I've been missing work, been extremely irritable, very fatigued but not able to sleep. The anxiety and depression have both gotten worse. Half the time I feel like a zombie and have been suffering from more and more disassociation. Im drinkin more than I was and doin more drugs. My suicidal thoughts and self harm have increased. I feel like im losing my mind even more. I feel like its a result of the medicine. I have another appt on the 29th, but I fear I won't make it to then. I've read that these symptoms will increase if I stop the medication. I dont know what to do.

Can you stop using alcohol and drugs? These can cause some of the symptoms you have listed, especially with prescription medications.

If you continue with psychiatric treatment, the doctor will most likely deal with your substance use first. Have you told the doctor about this?