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Old May 12, 2013, 07:47 AM
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wadingthruemotions wadingthruemotions is offline
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Member Since: Mar 2013
Location: Texas
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I'm sinking further and further.

I am at a very low point today. I allowed myself to be used to retain a friendship. I am such a F'n idiot. I hate myself for that *****. I really do.

I do this time and time again. I go sometimes spans in between, those times are always like this. I will be on a roller coaster too for a while. As I will also very angry to the point of downright aggressive.

This f'n sucks.
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"Death is easy, peaceful: Life is harder"

"The Day You Turned On Me Is The Day I Died,
And I've Forgotten What It's Like,
And How It Feels To Be Alive" (Daughtry-Gone)

"And you always want what you're running from. It's always been that way." Bittersweet Lyrics by Ellie Goulding

"The reason I hold on, cause I need this hole gone." (Stay by Rihanna)

"The opposite of love's indifference." (Stubborn Love, The Lumineers)
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  #2  
Old May 12, 2013, 12:51 PM
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Fuzzybear Fuzzybear is offline
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Just wanted to let you know I care (I don't really have advice but have been where you are...)
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Thanks for this!
wadingthruemotions
  #3  
Old May 12, 2013, 02:29 PM
Anonymous327401
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((((wadingthruemotions))))
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  #4  
Old May 12, 2013, 04:21 PM
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wadingthruemotions wadingthruemotions is offline
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Member Since: Mar 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 595
Thanks for the hugs y'all.

I just need to make it to the dr appts I have this month and beginning of next.

If I can do that I will be alright. So I guess I am going to try my best again at fighting the impulses I am feeling, the thoughts of depair, loneliness and utter anger.

I may not be able to thwart all of them but I have nothing else to do but try so here goes, yet flipping again.

I have also started the over eating, or rather binge eating as i am shoving food in my mouth at an alarming rate at the moment. That is also troubling.

Maybe I can put myself into a sleep induced nothingness for a while. who knows. I am pathetic, a loser, I can't do this right anymore and feel like just giving up at times.

GEEZ I suck, I suck, I suck.
__________________
"Death is easy, peaceful: Life is harder"

"The Day You Turned On Me Is The Day I Died,
And I've Forgotten What It's Like,
And How It Feels To Be Alive" (Daughtry-Gone)

"And you always want what you're running from. It's always been that way." Bittersweet Lyrics by Ellie Goulding

"The reason I hold on, cause I need this hole gone." (Stay by Rihanna)

"The opposite of love's indifference." (Stubborn Love, The Lumineers)
Hugs from:
Altinak, Anonymous327401, H3rmit, HabitualQuitter, poptart316, Ultra Darkness
  #5  
Old May 13, 2013, 05:53 PM
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wadingthruemotions wadingthruemotions is offline
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Member Since: Mar 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 595
I'm sunk. I am down and out.

I feel really bad. I am hateful, spiteful, vengeful.

I can't take this anymore. I feel like my mind is going against my heart/myself.

I feel it closing and shutting down. I let this happen. I want it to happen. I want to be stone cold. I want not to feel for a while. I want to be shunning and rageful. Oh why oh why does this keep happening.

I want it to all end (no i am not suicidal). Though I can truly relate to how ending it all could seem like a fancy at the present, an end all be all F You to everyone and everything in life you have or think you have.

Would anyone really care? Would they fake it to see what happens and who would show up to pay their 'respects'? Would they think, gee what took her so long?

Oh the constant battle of mind verses life.

I antagonize, I egg on those around me. I push and push, pulling right back until no one can take me anymore either.

__________________
"Death is easy, peaceful: Life is harder"

"The Day You Turned On Me Is The Day I Died,
And I've Forgotten What It's Like,
And How It Feels To Be Alive" (Daughtry-Gone)

"And you always want what you're running from. It's always been that way." Bittersweet Lyrics by Ellie Goulding

"The reason I hold on, cause I need this hole gone." (Stay by Rihanna)

"The opposite of love's indifference." (Stubborn Love, The Lumineers)
Hugs from:
Anonymous100165, Anonymous200104
  #6  
Old May 13, 2013, 11:05 PM
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poptart316 poptart316 is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2012
Location: Michigan
Posts: 518
I'm sorry that you're on a downward spiral, and I hope that you feel better soon!
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