[ava1enzue1a]

"You're a grown adult! You can do anything you want to."

To me personally, it upsets me when I hear this (even though it may be "true") because I find it both invalidating and confusing. Invalidating because to me it's a form of the "oversimplifying problems and their solutions". Confusing because granted I am technically a "grown adult" by age yet possessed with immature emotions that probably still resemble that of a teenager or maybe even a child in certain respects. I don't think it's fair to judge someone's character by assessing how old they are or even how old they "look" because the two can be totally out of sync and unrelated. This statement, to me, is not a liberating one, but rather more of a burden.

So pardon my french, but wtf. It's quite frustrating to hear that statement from people (specifically my ex-partner) because it's like they're missing the point and don't see the underlying problem.

Does anyone else feel the same about this?

Thanks.

[Atypical_Disaster]

I feel similar to you, statements like that seriously frustrate me as well.

[not quite right]

It makes me angry. First off, not everyone has the tools and advantages to achieve their dreams . And most of us can only do what we're able. Being an adult doesn't mean anything.
And I'd also like to discuss those who say «it's all in your head, just get over it.» Of.course it's in my head. If it wasn't I wouldn't be mentally ill. People should quit making statements about that they know nothing about. It IS in my head, and I can NOT do anything I want. So sorry I don't fall in line with the sycophants and brain dead who decided these things are facts

[Ultra Darkness]

I'm an adult. I can't do a lot of the things I want to.

[BorderlineMess]

I hate all the cliche things people say to me when I'm anything other than happy. And I know they say them because they don't know what else to say. Like at a funeral, people say the same things because, really, you don't know what to say unless you've experienced a loss like that person did.

I know it's hard, but try to ignore them. And try not to hurl curse words back at them. Every time I did, they thought I was just even more crazy...lol. I just pretend I never heard their words and either physically leave the conversation or hang up on them. Most people will never understand what we go through. Most people don't even want to know what we go through.

I hope it gets better for you. Have you found PC to be a helpful place to vent?

[H3rmit]

I've never found this invalidating. I interpret it as I am not limited by anyone else's rules. It's my choice to follow rules or not, to make choices I want to make. It doesn't imply that I can succeed at anything I choose. That's wrong-headed wish-fulfillment thinking, in my book. Apparently it has not been thrown at me as it has at all the previous posters.

I take that as "you're an adult, you can make your own choices, you are responsible for your own decisions, think before you act", etc. It doesn't mean you'll get all you want, but BPD or no, regardless of how immature or impulsive we can be, we are responsible for our own thoughts and actions, and even though they can definitely get me in trouble now and then, I wouldn't want it any other way.

[The_little_didgee]

"You're a grown adult! You can do anything you want to."

I never understood comments like this.

It reminds me of a discussion, I had with a former paramedic. She told me, "It's not a job for everyone." What? There is no one job that is suitable for everybody. Comments like my example and your quote are generalizations, at least that is how I interpret it! Anyway, to accomplish "anything" one must believe they can.

[ava1enzue1a]

Thanks for all the replies.

Originally Posted by BorderlineMess

Have you found PC to be a helpful place to vent?

Sometimes.

"You're a grown adult! You can do anything you want to."

But, so many choices.....

[UnderTheRose]

"You're a grown adult! You can do anything you want to."--
I've had comments similar to that used against me when it has come to my refusal to learn how to drive. I try to explain 'I dont WANT to'. Sure, if I wanted to do something perhaps that would be a different story, so technically that statement doesn't apply to me because I am content doing nothing, lol.

While I understand the point of what the person is trying to say when they say that, it's completely innacurate and over simplifying.

Truth is, NO one, at any age is able to do anything they want. Regardless of age, each phase of life comes with it's limitations, rules and boundaries we have to stay within whether they are law, moral codes or ethical lines we draw. Thing is we are limited by our abilities, our ideologies, our beliefs and so many other things.

Just because one is an adult does not mean the world is open to us to do whatever, that's just an ignorant statement. If it were true, we would all be sitting at home doing our favorite things and all be rich (relative to what we each find "rich").

It doesn't anger ame me whatsoever, it just makes me laugh when someone says such things.

[Phreak]

I'm quite sure coming from an ex-partner who was probably annoyed at you at the time that it was probably being said in a derogarory condecending manner.

Just remember it's perfectly okay to feel unable to do things.

Phreak

[yellowfrog268]

Wow!
I am (almost) pleasantly surprised to have found others who also get annoyed by slogans, cliche's, and assorted sayings that oversimplify, are blanket statements, or are just plain wrong (ie. Pain is just fear leaving the body" WTF?).

[Phreak]

Originally Posted by yellowfrog268

Wow!
I am (almost) pleasantly surprised to have found others who also get annoyed by slogans, cliche's, and assorted sayings that oversimplify, are blanket statements, or are just plain wrong (ie. Pain is just fear leaving the body" WTF?).

Er isn't the quote "pain is weakness leaving the body"?

[yellowfrog268]

Originally Posted by Phreak

Er isn't the quote "pain is weakness leaving the body"?

There are several variations on this one. Either way it's BS

[H3rmit]

Originally Posted by yellowfrog268

There are several variations on this one. Either way it's BS

How about my physio's version - "good pain." That's when she squeezes the heck out of my inflamed tendon so blood will flow into it when she lets go. It sure does feel good when she stops.

The one that gets me is, "It's never too late" (to fulfill some dream you have/had in life). I'm sorry, but that is a fantasy. Maybe they mean "Doing SOMETHING is better than giving up," but that is a radically different statement.

[yellowfrog268]

Agree.

1.There are times when it is too late.
2.The sky is not the limit. Most of my limits are much closer to the ground.
3.I cannot do anything I set my mind to, my body and intellect do have their limits.
4.Just because I'm an adult does not mean I can do anything I want to.
5.Stop blaming my past for who I am today? It is those events of my past played a major role in shaping who I am today, for better or worse.
AND
6.I can't just get over it already. It doesn't matter how long ago it was.