Why do I get so attached to people, and think I fall in love so quickly? I know it's not good for me, but I still do it.

Does anyone else do this? Is this my bipolar, or the bpd that my T thinks I have?

Thanks

Jeffro

[greentires4me]

I think in some times we fall madly in love together its like we don't want to be abandoned so its like we quickly make use of our time together to make a bond that lasts even if for us its a small time we need it to survive...

Originally Posted by jeffro1972

Why do I get so attached to people, and think I fall in love so quickly? I know it's not good for me, but I still do it.

Does anyone else do this? Is this my bipolar, or the bpd that my T thinks I have?

Thanks

Jeffro

It's your BPD all the way. It's called splitting sometimes when we go from one extreme to another. It's stereotypical, but for many BPDs they fall in love fast and are totally infatuated with a person and then they start seeing their faults and go from love to despise very fast. Not always true but sometimes.

I think the reason BPDs fall in love so fast is because we lack the validation that love brings. We were told we were unlovable, despised, forgetable, so when someone shows us attention we latch on, cling on much more than we should.

[poptart316]

This happens to me but only with certain people. It's definitely the BPD, with BPD we feel emotions more intensely.

I really try to avoid texting or talking to her. I know it's not good for me, but it's like a drug. I can't help myself. When this happens, i feel like a complete idiot

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Originally Posted by jeffro1972

I really try to avoid texting or talking to her. I know it's not good for me, but it's like a drug. I can't help myself. When this happens, i feel like a complete idiot

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Lol...I'm going through this right now too. Complete idiot isn't the word I'd use...helpless, useless, clingy beyond belief, impulsive, alone....

Actually, i was trying to keep it clean for the ladies. Lol! I can still tell a joke when I'm feeling like crap. See, this is why i avoid relationships. I get friend zoned, b/c no one understands them like i do, then my heart gets broken. It's the story of my life.

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[poptart316]

Originally Posted by jeffro1972

I really try to avoid texting or talking to her. I know it's not good for me, but it's like a drug. I can't help myself. When this happens, i feel like a complete idiot

Sent from my C5170 using Tapatalk 2

Yeah I've kind of learned to avoid people/situations that give me that intense love/infatuation feeling, there was time where I used to chase after it and embrace it, looking back I see myself as a junkie scrounging for a fix. : /

Originally Posted by poptart316

Yeah I've kind of learned to avoid people/situations that give me that intense love/infatuation feeling, there was time where I used to chase after it and embrace it, looking back I see myself as a junkie scrounging for a fix. : /

I avoided people/situations for 15 years. Would instantly push people away hard when they started to get close. One got in last year. Messed up situation...the reason I'm here, and I've had issues ever since. I liked the closeness and have craved it ever since. It was strictly a mind game, but it was enough to really mess me up.

I really thought i was past that infatuation stage. This as been going on for 2 years. But i am a junkie.

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[poptart316]

Originally Posted by Maranara

I avoided people/situations for 15 years. Would instantly push people away hard when they started to get close. One got in last year. Messed up situation...the reason I'm here, and I've had issues ever since. I liked the closeness and have craved it ever since. It was strictly a mind game, but it was enough to really mess me up.

Do you feel intense emotions with everyone? You shouldn't avoid everyone that's not healthy.. although I kind of do.

Not everyone. I have 3 real close friends that that is all they are. It's the ones that I actually have romantic feelings for. That destroys me.

[poptart316]

Originally Posted by jeffro1972

I really thought i was past that infatuation stage. This as been going on for 2 years. But i am a junkie.

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Ugh I remember this guy I dated said something about meth addicts during an interview he had (he's a musician) there is no doubt in my mind that it was a reference to how I felt about him. I'm STILL bitter about it.. making fun of my emotions that I have no control over while he took advantage. I'd like to punch him in the face.

Although meth addict is probably a more accurate analogy. : /

[poptart316]

Originally Posted by jeffro1972

Not everyone. I have 3 real close friends that that is all they are. It's the ones that I actually have romantic feelings for. That destroys me.

I know how you feel, I'm the same way.. it's rough. Like I said I now avoid people who make me feel that way.. my current bf doesn't trigger me. It's very odd being with someone who I don't feel infatuated with.. I'm still trying to come to terms with it. But I mean if I was infatuated with him things wouldn't work out anyways, that always seems to be the case.

I haven't learned how to separate the love from infatuation yet. I hope I learn soon. To be honest, I'm 40 years old, and I don't think I've ever had a healthy romantic relationship.
But I can honestly say, I'm a crack head when it comes to that feeling of love.

Originally Posted by poptart316

Do you feel intense emotions with everyone? You shouldn't avoid everyone that's not healthy.. although I kind of do.

Not everyone provided it doesn't go past the acquaintance stage. I can work in public and blend in, be the chameleon. I haven't allowed anyone to try to be a "friend" in over 15 years however. He was the first "friend" I had. Very, very long story. If you really want it, I actually started a thread in the emotions thread and put it. It's one of my early threads from when I first started here. I didn't even realize I was doing it, but when I reached a certain level of closeness, my mind would basically say "no more" and push away and that would be that. It was early enough that I had no remorse and I pushed away hard enough that the other person wouldn't try again. But since then, I've been desperate for friendships. I haven't made any other real life friendships, but my mind makes no distinctions and has begun to do it with virtual friends now.....sigh.

I have no friends except for the virtual ones. I have no close friends. I am married but I can't talk to my husband about a lot of things....I just realized that within the last year or so as well, and I am invalidated when I try. I was raised to not talk to anyone. "Don't tell anyone our personal problems", I was told over and over again, and I was punished with being totally, completely ignored when I broke it for as much as a week at a time. This "friend" that caused me all the problems last year was the first person I've ever really talked to....

A lot of this realization is hindsight. I didn't realize what I was doing at the time....

Originally Posted by jeffro1972

Why do I get so attached to people, and think I fall in love so quickly? I know it's not good for me, but I still do it.

Does anyone else do this? Is this my bipolar, or the bpd that my T thinks I have?

Thanks

Jeffro

I do that and have decided that it's necessary for me to keep a space between me and others. I guess it's the bpd but then again, it may be just some of us get attached easily? idk..

Thing is relationships do not work for me without much complication and emotion and frankly most of it is too much for me. How is that good for me? All it does is keep me from being productive in life...

[adam_k]

Originally Posted by Maranara

It's your BPD all the way. It's called splitting sometimes when we go from one extreme to another. It's stereotypical, but for many BPDs they fall in love fast and are totally infatuated with a person and then they start seeing their faults and go from love to despise very fast. Not always true but sometimes.

I think the reason BPDs fall in love so fast is because we lack the validation that love brings. We were told we were unlovable, despised, forgetable, so when someone shows us attention we latch on, cling on much more than we should.

This is very true for me. I want to get that feeling of being loved, because it provides a sense of wholeness to me. When that feeling isn't there I don't feel complete. Maybe it is a lack of identity or emptiness and feeling in love provides a sense of balance and validation to the part of me that is missing.

When that get threatened by the other person not caring enough, or disappointment etc, I go from love to hate. I want nothing to do with them and maybe by hating them. Maybe hate is too strong for me, I just shut people out. It is hard for me to cope with. I don't tend to direct my angry outward though. Maybe I wouldn't be so depressed if I did direct it outward. I tend to direct my angry inward. I think the tradeoff is people would walk on egg shells around me, affraid of what little thing might make me blow up. I think I am too self sacrificing for my own good.

Originally Posted by adam_k

. I don't tend to direct my angry outward though. Maybe I wouldn't be so depressed if I did direct it outward. I tend to direct my angry inward. I think the tradeoff is people would walk on egg shells around me, affraid of what little thing might make me blow up. I think I am too self sacrificing for my own good.

This is exactly what I do. I turn in all inward, and that's when the SI's come into play. It can be dangerous for me.

[Amireallyasleep]

This is so true I often fall in love fast then start to retreat for a number of reasons

[poptart316]

Originally Posted by Maranara

Not everyone provided it doesn't go past the acquaintance stage. I can work in public and blend in, be the chameleon. I haven't allowed anyone to try to be a "friend" in over 15 years however. He was the first "friend" I had. Very, very long story. If you really want it, I actually started a thread in the emotions thread and put it. It's one of my early threads from when I first started here. I didn't even realize I was doing it, but when I reached a certain level of closeness, my mind would basically say "no more" and push away and that would be that. It was early enough that I had no remorse and I pushed away hard enough that the other person wouldn't try again. But since then, I've been desperate for friendships. I haven't made any other real life friendships, but my mind makes no distinctions and has begun to do it with virtual friends now.....sigh.

I have no friends except for the virtual ones. I have no close friends. I am married but I can't talk to my husband about a lot of things....I just realized that within the last year or so as well, and I am invalidated when I try. I was raised to not talk to anyone. "Don't tell anyone our personal problems", I was told over and over again, and I was punished with being totally, completely ignored when I broke it for as much as a week at a time. This "friend" that caused me all the problems last year was the first person I've ever really talked to....

A lot of this realization is hindsight. I didn't realize what I was doing at the time....

I'm sorry that you don't have any close friends or feel like you can't talk to your husband (or anyone) about your feelings, although I kind of feel the same sometimes, I tell myself that it's inappropriate to talk about my feelings, I think it's because I do it excessively with friends... if I didn't talk about my feelings then there wouldn't be much else for us to talk about.. it's all about balance and I'm definitely not there yet.

Can you post a link to the thread?

Originally Posted by jeffro1972

Why do I get so attached to people, and think I fall in love so quickly? I know it's not good for me, but I still do it.

Does anyone else do this? Is this my bipolar, or the bpd that my T thinks I have?

Thanks

Jeffro

To be honest, why does it happen so fast? Because it's not love in the first place. It's an obsessive-trait. With Most people that say that they fall in love with someone fast if you really look at it, it wasn't love at all. Love is a word that involves truly caring for a person deeply and goes way beyond the things you feel when you're obsessed/infatuated with someone that happens to be your focus of attention at the time. Think about it, you say love but ... you think of this person and are engrossed in fantasy, feelings and ruminations about being with them all the time. you panic, freak out and lose control because you think they are gone, abandoning you or are ignoring you. This is not love at all. I say this all from my own experience. To this day, I am not sure that any of the women I obsessed about were women I was in love with in the beginning. True, I may have loved one of them but it wasn't in the beginning, it was what grew from a longer term relationship.

Don't mistake your obsessive need to have someone as love.

[Cavi]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

To be honest, why does it happen so fast? Because it's not love in the first place. It's an obsessive-trait. With Most people that say that they fall in love with someone fast if you really look at it, it wasn't love at all. Love is a word that involves truly caring for a person deeply and goes way beyond the things you feel when you're obsessed/infatuated with someone that happens to be your focus of attention at the time. Think about it, you say love but ... you think of this person and are engrossed in fantasy, feelings and ruminations about being with them all the time. you panic, freak out and lose control because you think they are gone, abandoning you or are ignoring you. This is not love at all. I say this all from my own experience. To this day, I am not sure that any of the women I obsessed about were women I was in love with in the beginning. True, I may have loved one of them but it wasn't in the beginning, it was what grew from a longer term relationship.

Don't mistake your obsessive need to have someone as love.

Oh boy now I understand why a friend of mine told me I didn't love them. Makes so much sense. Cavi

[TheRealFDeal]

I agree with Maranara -- it is SUCH a BPD thing. With me, it's not romantic relationships, it is almost anybody that shows me a kindness. Maybe this is the one who will really care and never leave me! I'm at the place where I'm avoiding any and all relationships because I just can't seem to control this. It's very unhealthy, I know.