[NICK 0305]

Hi guys well today has been pretty good. I had my boys and we all went for lunch which was great for me. My ex partner has also been great today and I still hope she can see im a good guy. I know she loves me still but she is so scared of me not changing, I need her at my side as i draw strength from her and she knows it. Walked around town and spent a small fortune on my kids which to be honest cheers me up top a certain degree and i bought my ex a pair of Vans which a friend is going to paint a unique design on for her so she will have something special and unique and the reason for that is because she is still special to me. Yes ive been a pig to her in the past but i am adressing my disorder and will become a better person but i cant help loving her and i wish she would spend time to read about BPD and try to understand that i can and will become a nice loving guy all the time and not just when it suits. I wish i never had this bloody disorder as it has ruined my relationship and yes i am after a quick fix to try to win her heart back but deep down i know there is no quick fix so i have to ride the storm with hope she sees a change and if she decides to move on then thats my loss and the fact i messed up and didnt sort this disorder sooner.
Have a great day guys and gals . Big hugs big love Nick x