[NICK 0305]

Hi peeps, me again. Well today has so far been pretty good, I am asking if there is anyone here who is or has a partner that is on the recieving end of someone with BPD. My partner left me some 8 weeks ago and its been very hard and still is but we do still love eachother and she misses the nice side of me but not the bad side which is totally understandable. I was only diagnosed some 3 weeks ago with this disorder and it is scary. I would like to know if anyone here has improved with treatment whether its phsycotherapy or medication (i do not like meds). If you have improved and you have a success story then please could you share it with me either here or in a private message and if there is someone who has been on the recieving end please tell me how you managed to get through things without parting. Many thanks peeps.

Big Hugs Nick

[Phreak]

Both myself and my gf have bpd, fortuntely she's reasonably okay when medicated. Also we both forgive each other when things flair up, and do our best to tolerate each other.

She's still a nightmare to live with, but it's been 3 years and hopefully soon my wait for therapy will be over

[NICK 0305]

Originally Posted by Phreak

Both myself and my gf have bpd, fortuntely she's reasonably okay when medicated. Also we both forgive each other when things flair up, and do our best to tolerate each other.

She's still a nightmare to live with, but it's been 3 years and hopefully soon my wait for therapy will be over

Thanks my friend it is hard as i am sure you know but i need and want to become a better person. Penny is my world and she doesnt deserve the bad that i throw at her, when im nice she will say im the best in the world we both make eachother smile and its like walking on air. I do not honestly know the reason i get like this but all i am sure of is i dont like it and want to become a better person and with hope she will see it and stand by me.

Thanks x

I've improved my life since my ex left. For me, just lacking a relationship made me learn a lot about myself. All my life for the most part, I have been with someone and always had problems and a trouble-ridden life.

I'm not suggesting that people with bpd are better off forever alone. That isn't the conclusion I've come to, even on my own. As it is, I may or may not allow myself to get into another relationship. Thing is though I do believe that for me at least, being alone for awhile has helped me tremendously and I know it has to do with just that, learning to cope and deal with life alone. Even for people that do not want to swear off relationships, I think it would do some good for them to have a phase of not looking, not being with someone and just working on themselves.

I know that my goal is that if I ever do let someone back in, I want to be 100% on my feet and independent, which has never happened in the times I found someone in the past. If I attach myself to someone again I dont' want to "need them" or wind up where I "can't live without" them again. It's just not ideal. I want to truly be in a place where being with them is by choice rather than need.

Sorry for my ramble.

"you" is used as a general term, not particularly directed at anyone, really.

it's a matter of being able to communicate openly with your significant other. you also have to be willing to change and fix things, both within yourself and the relationship, and not be stubborn about stuff.

that being said...if your SO is willing to stay, i guess that's good. but if s/he isn't, at least until you get yourself straightened out enough that your problems aren't boiling at the surface as much as they might be right now, then let him/her be. if s/he wants to come back later, cool. if not, oh well. you have to fix yourself before you can fix a relationship.

before my husband and i got married, we were separated for six months while he got his act together and i gained a little more independence for myself. i know it was definitely a positive over-all thing. wasn't all that positive while it was going on, but so far so good.

[NICK 0305]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

I've improved my life since my ex left. For me, just lacking a relationship made me learn a lot about myself. All my life for the most part, I have been with someone and always had problems and a trouble-ridden life.

I'm not suggesting that people with bpd are better off forever alone. That isn't the conclusion I've come to, even on my own. As it is, I may or may not allow myself to get into another relationship. Thing is though I do believe that for me at least, being alone for awhile has helped me tremendously and I know it has to do with just that, learning to cope and deal with life alone. Even for people that do not want to swear off relationships, I think it would do some good for them to have a phase of not looking, not being with someone and just working on themselves.

I know that my goal is that if I ever do let someone back in, I want to be 100% on my feet and independent, which has never happened in the times I found someone in the past. If I attach myself to someone again I dont' want to "need them" or wind up where I "can't live without" them again. It's just not ideal. I want to truly be in a place where being with them is by choice rather than need.


Sorry for my ramble.

Many thanks for your reply

Originally Posted by NICK 0305

Many thanks for your reply

You're very welcome

[Phreak]

Originally Posted by DreamAddiction37

"you" is used as a general term, not particularly directed at anyone, really.

Erm in that instance isn't it correct for one to say "one does x" rather than "you do x"

Somebody correct me if I'm wrong though...

[brokenwings79]

I have been with my fiance for 2 years and I just got diagnosed 4 months ago. I have 4 kids by 3 different men and he is not the father of any of them. This is the first man that has not allowed me to push him away and set boundaries to my behavior(which I hate but need more than anything). I go to personal therapy twice a week and we do couples therapy once a week. Our relationship has greatly improved since my therapy began. If nothing else I can recognize now when my thoughts are going in a bad direction and occasionally stop things before they start. I believe it takes a very strong and patient person to commit to sticking with us because progress can be slow and I know that for me all it takes is one bad "trigger" and things fall back apart.....but I pick back up and try again the next day.

[NICK 0305]

Originally Posted by brokenwings79

I have been with my fiance for 2 years and I just got diagnosed 4 months ago. I have 4 kids by 3 different men and he is not the father of any of them. This is the first man that has not allowed me to push him away and set boundaries to my behavior(which I hate but need more than anything). I go to personal therapy twice a week and we do couples therapy once a week. Our relationship has greatly improved since my therapy began. If nothing else I can recognize now when my thoughts are going in a bad direction and occasionally stop things before they start. I believe it takes a very strong and patient person to commit to sticking with us because progress can be slow and I know that for me all it takes is one bad "trigger" and things fall back apart.....but I pick back up and try again the next day.

Thank you for your kind words. You are lucky to have someone who understands and is willing to stand by you. Sadly i havent got that ad found out yesterday shes moved on so quick but hey ho thats life. I think she has some kind of disorder also but she would never admit it or even look into it. x

Though I am having issues again now, I had two years of remission from explosive anger, panic attacks, and serious paranoid thoughts of anxiety after going through EMDR and DBT.

Hi Nick, In order for me to feel better, one of the most important things I finally was able to do was focus on myself and not worry about other people (their actions, behaviors, reactions, etc).

I found it especially important to not label or try to Dx others. Their disorders really had nothing to do with MY getting better. I can only change me and how I am coping and living my life. They are outside the healing circle.

Once I realized that it was vital to just focus on me, things were more peaceful in my life. Especially with interpersonal relationships.

I think it is normal for us to want to find the wrong in others to justify why things aren't right for us, but that really is an exercise in futility.

Take care. Best wishes.

Originally Posted by NICK 0305

I think she has some kind of disorder also but she would never admit it or even look into it. x

[Altinak]

I have been diagnosed with BPD, and my fiance has suspected borderline although because he lives in America, he can't afford to go get actually checked out.. ANYWAY. I do take a lot out on him, god bless him. I can be extremely reactive and just downright horrible and we have some massive arguements. Mixed in with the fact that he has a major anger issue as well as only being able to express himself via anger things can get very heated.

That's the thing though, not just in relationships where borderline is involved, also with normal relationships. IT REQUIRES WORK, and I think its about finding that person who accepts you for who you are, and accepts that you have a mental illness. Many times that he and I fight, we apologise about 20 mins after and just completely forget the arguement. I think as well that it is important to remember that it isn't always going to be plain sailing. There are going to be times where you really hurt that person, and where they really hurt you.

However, from this you can learn how to truly love someone and eventually work up a healthy way of venting out and expressing your issues, moods and thought processes without so much hurting each other. I hate to admit it, but it's true, people with BPD are really hard to deal with at times, I know my parents and my fiance have a hard time calming me down when I'm just completely reactive.

So, in that respect it's not just about finding the right partner who is willing to support you, one of the most important things is to take RESPONSIBILITY for your actions. I've done some messed up things to friends and family, but every single time I HAD to take responibility for it, BPD or no BPD, it's no excuse. So if you do act out of line, just apologise. Even if it is saying that you had a bad day, explain that it wasn't meant but you realise it hurt their feelings.

I think I'm starting to ramble now x] However, I do hope you found this helpful o.o;'

[NICK 0305]

Originally Posted by Altinak

I have been diagnosed with BPD, and my fiance has suspected borderline although because he lives in America, he can't afford to go get actually checked out.. ANYWAY. I do take a lot out on him, god bless him. I can be extremely reactive and just downright horrible and we have some massive arguements. Mixed in with the fact that he has a major anger issue as well as only being able to express himself via anger things can get very heated.

That's the thing though, not just in relationships where borderline is involved, also with normal relationships. IT REQUIRES WORK, and I think its about finding that person who accepts you for who you are, and accepts that you have a mental illness. Many times that he and I fight, we apologise about 20 mins after and just completely forget the arguement. I think as well that it is important to remember that it isn't always going to be plain sailing. There are going to be times where you really hurt that person, and where they really hurt you.

However, from this you can learn how to truly love someone and eventually work up a healthy way of venting out and expressing your issues, moods and thought processes without so much hurting each other. I hate to admit it, but it's true, people with BPD are really hard to deal with at times, I know my parents and my fiance have a hard time calming me down when I'm just completely reactive.

So, in that respect it's not just about finding the right partner who is willing to support you, one of the most important things is to take RESPONSIBILITY for your actions. I've done some messed up things to friends and family, but every single time I HAD to take responibility for it, BPD or no BPD, it's no excuse. So if you do act out of line, just apologise. Even if it is saying that you had a bad day, explain that it wasn't meant but you realise it hurt their feelings.

I think I'm starting to ramble now x] However, I do hope you found this helpful o.o;'

Many thanks for your kind words x