[Harmacy]

Just wondering what others' experience is with using alcohol.

I was thinking recently about the first time I got drunk, way back in my teenage years. I was with a group of people from my school and I remember it affected me completely and made me a different person, I suddenly became very loud and started complimenting people. I still recall the looks of shock on people's faces.

Since then I've always had the same experience. Not a loosening of social inhibitions but a complete change of personality on drink (that's what it feels like to me anyway). Also my emotions start to go wildly up and down, from mania to depression like states, within the space of a few hours. This leads to me behaving in all sorts of ways and saying things which I feel ashamed about the next day. It feels pointless getting into that state when I know it's so different to the sober me and the sober me is so often left to reflect on the shame caused during these drunken episodes.

I know I should stop drinking but it's difficult when living in a country where almost all group socializing seems to be tied up with excessive drinking.

[RebbieDoll]

speaking, not from my own experience, but from experiencing life with an alcoholic and BPD-suffering boyfriend, I will definitely say that alcohol and BPD are a very dangerous combo. his whole personality and affect would change as well, and not always in fun ways. he would also experience enormous mood swings, destroying friendships by talking to them when drunk, suicide attempts, sectioning... I could go on. I'm not wanting to tell you what to do (I know that never helps), I'm just saying that the benefits DO NOT outweigh the consequences. maybe at first, but definitely not in the long run.
I hope you are able to stop, and find a different way of socializing. it would just be safer

[Perna]

I experimented with drinks until I found what worked for me where I couldn't drink as much, so not get as drunk, or was weaker, etc. Give yourself a hard time while you are drinking; yes, it might not work completely but it will work better than just saying, "To heck with it, I'll deal with it tomorrow" or ignoring the whole thing. Set a limit and try to keep to it.

[cboxpalace]

When I was younger it made me less reserved and easier to be free in a sense and not worry what others thought. I"m not sure the alcohol made me a different person, but it did make it easier to express who I was ..

I VERY rarely drink anymore. I've had a couple of beers the past couple of nights, prior to that hadn't had a drink in about 2 years, and no change in personality just very mellow and relaxed.

[greentires4me]

when I was younger I would obsessively drink to the point of poisoning myself...I was full blown alcoholic by 20 and started when I was 13/14.
But most of my stories are when I got drunk I did this...or that... I don't think I had as much fun when I was sober.

Then when I got diagnosed with BPD I didn't drink for a long time then I was with a friend who we always were together he would drink and I would not finally I said pass me one and thats what we did every weekend we have a fire and drink so every weekend we drink together its like some sort of freedom in drinking.

then I started to mix booze and pills together...done it like 5 times so far its never ended up good

but i don't feel bad for drinking only when I get a hang over do I feel bad.

I did feel bad once I puked in this cops car...it went every where even on my leg...it was gross...

[k123]

I have read borderlines are allergic to alcohol and should not drink (by Dr Lelland Heller a bpd expert) and that's the case for me to a tee

[stevelord]

Interesting , Harmacy. Exactly like my BPD friend, she is sweet when sober but when she drinks she becomes a different person entirely. Totally out of control, self destructive, emotions flying every which direction, she can go from liking you to hating you and back again, to depression to joy , all in two minutes when she really gets rolling. Totally unpredictable. Going into the theta brainwave state by looking at tv snow on a analogue tv with the sound off for three minutes calms her down some, try that if you have an eight year old tv set that gets snow or static. Thats gets her out of a BPD streak when she is sober two or having a panic attack, again in 3 minutes. Has to be analogue which rules out internet too, but I did read once that a vhs tape is analogue so that may work. Keep the sound off.

Steve

[Harmacy]

Hmm, well I think I may be one of those people who is allergic to alcohol (emotionally speaking).

Given that I drink fairly regularly it's astounding how sometimes even after one drink, even half a glass! I can suddenly start swearing, laughing, talking loudly and crassly, it's like a switch in my head. And here's the thing - I've been around lots of people who drink and nobody else seems to have that sudden transition. Most people just gradually become drunk, not the sudden jolt I get.

At the moment I'm working on cutting down and doing some extreme self monitoring when I do drink. This sometimes produces the weird effect of my inner monologue coming out when I drink - I sometimes now talk to myself and comment on how I'm behaving which, while better than being totally out of control, is still not ideal when around other people who probably think me suddenly saying "that was wrong" to myself is ever so slightly odd - but maybe they're too drunk to care...

One day I'll give up completely and I hope I never look back as although I've enjoyed drinking over the years on occasions, it's just too dangerous for me and some of my most extreme moments of rage and recklessness have been triggered by it. I once vandalised a car because I decided it was illegally parked and the next day realised it was my neighbour's and he'd parked it in front of his own gate with the word "No Parking" on. Stuff like that haunts me and the sobering thought is that worse could yet be to come and I could have avoided it by stopping now.

Maybe a relationship with a sober, anti alcohol woman would help. It's just occurred to me that I'm not going to meet her while out drinking I sometimes wish I was religious so I could meet different sorts of people that way but I'm not and I can't pretend.

[Luvmydog]

Originally Posted by Harmacy

Just wondering what others' experience is with using alcohol.

I was thinking recently about the first time I got drunk, way back in my teenage years. I was with a group of people from my school and I remember it affected me completely and made me a different person, I suddenly became very loud and started complimenting people. I still recall the looks of shock on people's faces.

Since then I've always had the same experience. Not a loosening of social inhibitions but a complete change of personality on drink (that's what it feels like to me anyway). Also my emotions start to go wildly up and down, from mania to depression like states, within the space of a few hours. This leads to me behaving in all sorts of ways and saying things which I feel ashamed about the next day. It feels pointless getting into that state when I know it's so different to the sober me and the sober me is so often left to reflect on the shame caused during these drunken episodes.

I know I should stop drinking but it's difficult when living in a country where almost all group socializing seems to be tied up with excessive drinking.

This is a very interesting post. Thank you for sharing. You said that it isn't a loosening of social inhibitions, but a change of personality when you drink. It still sounds like a loosening of inhibitions in a roundabout way though. If you hadn't been drinking, would you be loud and gregarious? Would you be complimenting people all of the time? I don't know, just a thought.

For me, drinking anything made with rum is what causes a true personality change. I don't become gregarious and fun. I turn into a monster. I once told a good friend of mind that if he didn't stop talking that I would put him through the wall behind him. BTW, he wasn't even talking to me. This is completely unlike me. I am not a physically violent person, but for some reason, rum makes me mean. That's why I avoid rum like the plague. I still drink beer, wine, and other liquor, but rum is off limits. The changes I see in myself when I used to drink rum are what I feel constitute a personality change. When you really turn into a different person, and not just loosen up a little or a lot.

Originally Posted by Harmacy

Just wondering what others' experience is with using alcohol.

I was thinking recently about the first time I got drunk, way back in my teenage years. I was with a group of people from my school and I remember it affected me completely and made me a different person, I suddenly became very loud and started complimenting people. I still recall the looks of shock on people's faces.

Since then I've always had the same experience. Not a loosening of social inhibitions but a complete change of personality on drink (that's what it feels like to me anyway). Also my emotions start to go wildly up and down, from mania to depression like states, within the space of a few hours. This leads to me behaving in all sorts of ways and saying things which I feel ashamed about the next day. It feels pointless getting into that state when I know it's so different to the sober me and the sober me is so often left to reflect on the shame caused during these drunken episodes.

I know I should stop drinking but it's difficult when living in a country where almost all group socializing seems to be tied up with excessive drinking.

I think that everyone, including non-disordered people (if there are any) experience this to a point. I think you're saying thta you act differently in a way that's very drastic contrasting your normal personality but that's true for many people, if they get drunk enough. I think it still stems from lowering of the inhibitions though. Considering one of the things about being bpd is that you're always worried about things, about what people think, about what they see in you and you act very much in ways that tries to keep your best foot forward (in times when you're not out of control, of course) but when you drink, what you're seeing, is being free from the confines of what people think of you and how they will react, which is because of your lowered inhibitions. It may be drastic because you usually put on your best face in public and you have no reason to when you're drunk.

I would say stop drinking if I thought it was a bad thing but I believe everything in moderation is acceptable. But the key word is moderation. Getting to the point where you act like a different person is not drinking to moderation. That's really the only advice i have for you.

~S4