[BlueInanna]

I haven't posted here in awhile. I long for somewhere to belong... Maybe you will understand. This is not "normal" heartbreak. I am lost, always lost.

I so thought it was special
Reality hurts too bad
Come to find it meant nothing
The best I'd ever had.
You my hero my clueless hero
Head in your fog up your asss
Didn't even need to lure me in
I willingly fell in your lap.
What a fool what a fool
She stands in the rain
Fool silly fool
Hand me more more more pain pain pain.
I will mourn you now
How I fell in love
I spit out the seed that was planted
Watch it fall into hell from above.
I spit and I spit and I gag and I wretch
Get out leave me leave my fragile mind
Goddess I beg you ice my heart
Protect me please
Another love I plead I won't find.
Never again this human form
I can't take more of humans so unkind.

Blue!......

[poptart316]

Did you write this? I like it.

[BlueInanna]

Yea I like to write and thanks. It's hard to read it again the next day. I used to burn all my poetry... I feel like an alien, an outcast, naked to the world. I'm not like anyone I know. Why am I so over sensitive ? I really don't like being this way. I don't like me. I want to be tough and not upset so easily. I want to be Able to make it to work daily, not have to leave early. I want to be like the other moms who can spend more time with their kids & volunteer school, getting to see their kids at school, making sure others are treating them well. I want so many things to be different, but too many I can't control. I'm so sad right now.

[poptart316]

I understand how you feel, I feel like an outcast too and just want to be different and for everything to be different. I'm sorry that you're sad and hope you feel better soon.

[BlueInanna]

Yes, exactly, want everything to be different
Except my kids... although I wonder if it was a bad thing to bring them into this world.
But I have faith in them that they'll be stronger than me, that they'll make it a better place.

[allme]

Originally Posted by BlueInanna

Yea I like to write and thanks. It's hard to read it again the next day. I used to burn all my poetry... I feel like an alien, an outcast, naked to the world. I'm not like anyone I know. Why am I so over sensitive ? I really don't like being this way. I don't like me. I want to be tough and not upset so easily. I want to be Able to make it to work daily, not have to leave early. I want to be like the other moms who can spend more time with their kids & volunteer school, getting to see their kids at school, making sure others are treating them well. I want so many things to be different, but too many I can't control. I'm so sad right now.

Hello! Aw I so feel you. I have never felt like I belong...and I mean like since I can first remember. I had no friends all the way through my school life, I would sit and watch the others kids run around avoiding contact wherever I could and have carried that with me all through my life. Although I feel as though I don't belong in society I do believe where I do belong is umongst the ppl I love. Within the world I created for myself I do belong. Not totally healthy but helps me cope until my real treatment begins.

Of course you belong, the only person that doesn't see that is you! And I think even ppl without mental illness struggle to feel they belong somewhere. You belong with us, on this planet, with your kids, with your family and anyone you love or care for....that's where you belong.

Don't feel sad...look at your kids, let them bring you joy and a reason to keep trying.

[BlueInanna]

That was beautiful, allme, thank you. I'm crying again, but a more hopeful cry. How many tears can one person have? They just keep coming.

[allme]

Originally Posted by BlueInanna

That was beautiful, allme, thank you. I'm crying again, but a more hopeful cry. How many tears can one person have? They just keep coming.

Aww aslong as they are not sad tears it's ok

Originally Posted by allme

Hello! Aw I so feel you. I have never felt like I belong...and I mean like since I can first remember. I had no friends all the way through my school life, I would sit and watch the others kids run around avoiding contact wherever I could and have carried that with me all through my life. Although I feel as though I don't belong in society I do believe where I do belong is umongst the ppl I love. Within the world I created for myself I do belong. Not totally healthy but helps me cope until my real treatment begins.

Of course you belong, the only person that doesn't see that is you! And I think even ppl without mental illness struggle to feel they belong somewhere. You belong with us, on this planet, with your kids, with your family and anyone you love or care for....that's where you belong.

Don't feel sad...look at your kids, let them bring you joy and a reason to keep trying.

I have used fantasy as a coping skill for as long back as I could remember. like having an arsenal of different perspectives that I could pull from when needed... and telling myself wild and crazy things and believing them in order to explain the world around me.

I thought I was the only one who ever did this!