[MichikoUsagi]

Why is it that anyone who shows the simplest form of kindness to me, I am drawn to like a moth to the flame? Almost subconsciously starting to morph my personality into something they would like better. I hate idealizing people.

I do the same thing, and of course, now recognize it when I do it. Recognize it for what it is...lack of true caring for as long as I can remember, so on the one hand I crave it, but then when I have it I immediately begin to distrust it, and eventually walk away from it. I've gotten better...I know what I am. I know what I do. I know why I do it.

Doesn't make the emotion stop tho. I've just learned not to react/act on it (so much) anymore. And the morphing...perfect phrase...in fact, (and I'm not a trekki) but there was an episode on the next gen (I think) star trek, my son pointed out to me...about a 'being' who was slated to marry someone (an arranged marriage). She was a sort of entity that would bond with only one person and be everything they wanted, everything...the 'perfect' mate. (inadvertantly bonded with picard rather than his intended, but whats a plot without complication)

She was called a 'metamorph' .... first time I saw that, I thought simultaniously, I'm a metamorph, and who ever wrote that script knew, or was BPD.

You're not alone. Hang in there.

[allme]

Yes I get it too.....then the slightest thing they do bad, I write them off....or atleast for a while!

[Mustkeepjob32]

I do that too. Every cute guy I meet that is has a nice smile and personality I immediately want to spend time with them and have them come over and talk. I secretly (or not) want more from them but when I hear that they're "having fun" with someone else, I immediately try to stay away from them. Telling my mind that they're problematic or something...I know I do this but I realize I can't do this because it's not healthy for me or for the people that I malign in the end.

Z

[Edda]

Originally Posted by MichikoUsagi

Why is it that anyone who shows the simplest form of kindness to me, I am drawn to like a moth to the flame? Almost subconsciously starting to morph my personality into something they would like better. I hate idealizing people.

'Cos you have BPD.
'Cos people who should have loved you let you down.
'Cos you have an inner understanding of the "perfect partner".

Morphing yourself will be lethal. I gather you are in your twenties.
Well...
Gah... such complicated stuff...

Originally Posted by MichikoUsagi

Why is it that anyone who shows the simplest form of kindness to me, I am drawn to like a moth to the flame? Almost subconsciously starting to morph my personality into something they would like better. I hate idealizing people.

It's a combination of things. I mean people with low self worth and feel like they are not liked by most people, which is typical with bpd people. First thing is that because of that, the instant someone does give positive attention, it's like OMG someone likes me! Not based on reality because pretty much all of us have had and do have a few people that do like and care for us... but in our heads, it's like you're alone so this stands out and all you want to do is cling and hang onto this supposed "one and only" person that has paid you positive attention.

Secondly it's black and white, all or nothing thinking. Its hard to grasp sometimes that someone likes you without the same intensity you tend to feel for people you like. So you usually figure they want nothing to do with you or they must be completely drawn to you and so you misunderstand it as more than it is, causing.. once again, clinging and 'falling for' this person.

Needing to be accepted is no help either. Once someone accepts/likes/gives attention to you, you feel accepted somewhat. You tend to mold to the other person for feeling like you have no identity of your own and on top of that what is the best way to make sure they continue to accept you? BECOME like them! How can you have beetter chances than that? Well truth is, that's one way to repel friends too.

Anyway just a little insight, from my own experience and analysis of myself. could be wrong but take it for what it's worth

[Maranara]

I have also done this my entire life, including the morphing. At one time I didn't realize I did this; now I do but that doesn't make it any easier to stop. I guess it's a start though. You can't change somethng you don't know is happening.