[bean91]

I am experiencing a new level of everything. First, I haven't been diagnosed but I have been having episodes of anger during which I become enraged I blow little things way out of proportion. I am in a relationship and at first things were good but I am unsure of it now. I feel lost like I don't know my own interest or things I enjoy. I hate my self because I get bad thoughts of wanting to harm my family members and recently have started acting on those thoughts. I cut myself and don't recall of ever doing so. Within the last month I even developed another like personality an evil one that I cant control. I am socially awkward even around my family. I have 2 little boys, whom lately I cant find feelings for. They need me, but I don't know what to do or where to begin.

You sound like you're in a really bad place right now! also you're not diagnosed? Does that mean you're also not getting any kind of treatment? You really need to see a doctor, especially as you're having thoughts of harming loved ones. look after yourself. And get help for those 2 little boys. They need you to be well

[allme]

Originally Posted by bean91

I am experiencing a new level of everything. First, I haven't been diagnosed but I have been having episodes of anger during which I become enraged I blow little things way out of proportion. I am in a relationship and at first things were good but I am unsure of it now. I feel lost like I don't know my own interest or things I enjoy. I hate my self because I get bad thoughts of wanting to harm my family members and recently have started acting on those thoughts. I cut myself and don't recall of ever doing so. Within the last month I even developed another like personality an evil one that I cant control. I am socially awkward even around my family. I have 2 little boys, whom lately I cant find feelings for. They need me, but I don't know what to do or where to begin.

Well there is something definitely up but sadly none of us can tell you what.

I am so sorry you are going through this, I know how lonely and tormenting it can be

Your first step is to see a doctor, if you don't feel comfortable speaking to one, then write all you 'symptoms' down and give him the letter.

Of course chat to us in the meantime

[Maranara]

I agree....you HAVE to see someone. We are not allowed to diagnose. Take some of the tests on this site. It may give you some ideas of what may be going on, but it's time to get help! Do it for your boys if not for yourself.

[Maranara]

I would also go through and read the introductions and traits of BPD and other disorders. I will say this....several of your traits do not fit BPD at all. Not trying to be discouraging. I want you do get the help you need.....

[allme]

Yes defo see a doctor so you can get the right treatment....but I agree with Maranara also about the traits

[Edda]

Originally Posted by bean91

I am experiencing a new level of everything. First, I haven't been diagnosed but I have been having episodes of anger during which I become enraged I blow little things way out of proportion. I am in a relationship and at first things were good but I am unsure of it now. I feel lost like I don't know my own interest or things I enjoy. I hate my self because I get bad thoughts of wanting to harm my family members and recently have started acting on those thoughts. I cut myself and don't recall of ever doing so. Within the last month I even developed another like personality an evil one that I cant control. I am socially awkward even around my family. I have 2 little boys, whom lately I cant find feelings for. They need me, but I don't know what to do or where to begin.

Your post is a worrying one. What do you mean by this:

Originally Posted by bean91

... I get bad thoughts of wanting to harm my family members and recently have started acting on those thoughts ...

?

How are you "acting on those thoughts"?

Also, you say that you do things you cannot remember doing...

Assuming that you weren't heavily affected by any substance ( if so, please seek help for that issue), it is altogether very scary to me. Please do seek help ASAP!

Originally Posted by Edda

Your post is a worrying one. What do you mean by this:

?

How are you "acting on those thoughts"?

Also, you say that you do things you cannot remember doing...

Assuming that you weren't heavily affected by any substance ( if so, please seek help for that issue), it is altogether very scary to me. Please do seek help ASAP!

This. Definitely disconcerting. Please call someone if you feel you're losing control and feeling like acting on these thoughts.

[iamshewhoisme]

Could be MPD. You really have to seek Psychiatric help dear. Meds will help I think. You may not be acting on those thoughts, but it could escalate in time. This is not totally unusual btw, I was in the hospital for depression and surprised at how many ppl have MPD, or even Schizophrenia. There are many levels of Schizophrenia, and the same with MPD. MPD is usually something that happened as a cause of severe trauma in ones life, Schizophrenia usually is a chemical imbalance in ones brain that can cause things of the same nature as MPD. I'm no doctor but my guess would be MPD.