So, some of you probably know my issues with nursing school--how I have been on the waiting list for 4 years and the program is now ready for me to start in May, but I do not have the money to go back because of my huge (huge) current student loan debt. There are other issues as well, namely that I would have to go from full-time to significantly part-time work and subsequently lose my medical insurance (so there go my meds). There is also the issue of just not being sure I can make it through the program. I'm a smart person and do well in school but...I'm just very down about my abilities right now. Nursing school is really hard.

Well... I have had some people offer to help me financially. My aunt offered me a moderate chunk of money, no strings attached, no need to pay back. It wouldn't really pay for tuition (it would pay for half, maybe), but it might help pay for a car that wouldn't break down in the middle of the program, which is something I was worried about. Just today I had a friend of the family step forward and put the offer on the table of completely sponsoring me through the program. I'd have to pay them back, of course, but they said that they had the means and they just didn't want to see me lose this opportunity.

The problem is that I just can't. Argh! I can't accept people's help. I don't feel like I'm worth it. I mean, this is a significant amount of money we're talking about, and what if I can't make it through the program? I can't help but think about the fact that I'm 35 years old, that I've gotten myself into my own predicament and that I just don't deserve to have people bail me out and help me. What I deserve is to be stuck in this situation because I got myself here. Rationally, I know this is total BPD talking and that I just can't accept that there are people who love me enough to help me out. And realistically, I know that I would be an idiot to pass up people's help because, if I didn't graduate from nursing school, I will be stuck having to work two jobs and barely able to pay for my life and put even a little bit of money in savings for the rest of my life.

Anyway. I don't know what I expect anyone to say about this. I guess I'm just frustrated with myself and just needed to get it off my chest.

[Maranara]

Two suggestions one of which you've probably already done.

#1 Will the hospital sponsor you to go back to school? You go to school, they pay for most or all of it, and you make a signed agreement to work for them for X amount of time afterwards and possibly pay a portion of it back?

#2 Take those people's offer to help you, but make it a "business deal". Write up a contract of exactly how much they are going to loan you (figure out what you may need ahead of time) over what period of time and you determine NOW what you think you'll be able to pay them, when, and on what schedule. It doesn't have to be set in stone; it can be modified as time goes on, but that way it's not just a favor to you, it's a business agreement. That way, you won't feel as unworthy or have as much guilt about taking it. Just make sure any changes made are also put in writing.

I'd leave your aunt out of it except for maybe an occasional small favor. It's horrible to borrow people money, and even though the intentions are good, she could hold it over you if you ever have a fallout with her.

What do you think?

[Luvmydog]

Another thing to think about misskeena is deferment. When you go back to school full time, your current student loans go into deferment. There is a great deal of info on it at www.studentloanborrowerassistance.org Basically, while a full-time student, you wouldn't have to pay your loans back. I think it even continues for the first six months after your graduation date. Just something to think about. Hope it helps.

[June55]

Think of it this way...
People are helping you now. In the future, you will help someone else out in a similiar way.
They seem to think you deserve it and you need to give yourself the chance.
One act of kindness can lead to many more.

[allme]

Take the help! There is no shame in accepting help....don't listen the the bpd

[GeorgiaGirl413]

I know where you are and it is a difficult place. Do your best to open yourself up to receive the love that these people are offering you. Tell that "part" of you that feels unworthy to just "back off" for a bit. The thinking, rational you has got this handled. Praying that all works out for you. I am a nurse of 33 years. You are right, nursing school is hard. But when you are finished you will have something that no one can take away from you. And I can tell you that since completing nursing school I have never, ever, been without a good paying job. So there you go, my $0.02.

Originally Posted by GeorgiaGirl413

I know where you are and it is a difficult place. Do your best to open yourself up to receive the love that these people are offering you. Tell that "part" of you that feels unworthy to just "back off" for a bit. The thinking, rational you has got this handled. Praying that all works out for you. I am a nurse of 33 years. You are right, nursing school is hard. But when you are finished you will have something that no one can take away from you. And I can tell you that since completing nursing school I have never, ever, been without a good paying job. So there you go, my $0.02.

Hey, GG, I knew you were an RN and I was wondering if you'd chime in. I went to nursing school once, 8 years ago (I had the option of going part-time back then and working full-time; now it's only a full-time program). I quit about 3 semesters before I graduated. I quit right around the time I was diagnosed with BPD so you can imagine that there was some instability in my life. I was also super-impulsive, loved partying with my friends more than studying, and just couldn't handle the workload of full-time work and part-time school. I was trying to to pile too much on my plate. But now the problem is that I know exactly how hard it is, and I'm really not sure if I'm up for the challenge again. At the same time, I wouldn't be working full-time this go-around, I don't party anymore, I've lost the crazy impulsive streak, and I would be more able to take advantage of the myriad of study help that there is available from my program, not to mention form study groups with my peers. I wasn't really able to do that before, and I was so short on study time because of work...

Originally Posted by Maranara

#1 Will the hospital sponsor you to go back to school? You go to school, they pay for most or all of it, and you make a signed agreement to work for them for X amount of time afterwards and possibly pay a portion of it back?

#2 Take those people's offer to help you, but make it a "business deal". Write up a contract of exactly how much they are going to loan you (figure out what you may need ahead of time) over what period of time and you determine NOW what you think you'll be able to pay them, when, and on what schedule. It doesn't have to be set in stone; it can be modified as time goes on, but that way it's not just a favor to you, it's a business agreement. That way, you won't feel as unworthy or have as much guilt about taking it. Just make sure any changes made are also put in writing.

I'd leave your aunt out of it except for maybe an occasional small favor. It's horrible to borrow people money, and even though the intentions are good, she could hold it over you if you ever have a fallout with her.

What do you think?

Hospitals offer tuition reimbursement up to a certain point (usually about $2000, and my program is going to cost around $12,000) but only if you work a certain amount of hours per pay period. I will probably not be eligible. Back in the day, many hospitals were offering full tuition reimbursement if you contracted to work X amount of years with them (that's after you graduated and hired in with them), but that was when there was such an extreme nursing shortage. These days, at least around here, there isn't that shortage. In fact, some new grads are having a tough time finding jobs. I've known a few who couldn't find full-time jobs for a few months after graduation. That kind of scares me. Unfortunately, hospitals are all saying they want experienced nurses over new grads which, I mean, how are you going to get experience unless someone hires you? Meh.

As for the other things you mentioned, I'm not entirely sure what I think. It's so much to take in. I'm going up north to see my aunt this coming week and I said we'd talk about it a little more then.

[Mustkeepjob32]

It sounds like people have stepped up and have offered you significant help. I agree with others who said you should accept it. I think it is unfair for you to almost predict that you won't be successful at the program.
You said that you are smart. Are you book smart? That would help you greatly in nursing school.

[TheRealFDeal]

It seems like "something" or "someone" is trying to tell you that this is your opportunity to finish nursing school. But I completely understand the fear of not having the mental energy to get through it. That would be my biggest fear in my current situation. On the other hand, there would be the added social support by being "forced" to meet and interact with new people. It seems like it's all set up to help you succeed.

I heard somewhere once that you should never lend money within a personal relationship fully expecting to be paid back. I know that sounds oxymoronic, but it means that for the lender, it's a gift, and if the other person can pay it back, great, if not, there are no hard feelings. And for the receiver, they can go into it fully expecting to pay it back but hopefully never feel that there are strings attached. I think that's an important distinction. If you can receive this gift from your aunt and believe that she is giving it without strings and will never hold it over you, then you need to seriously consider accepting. I'm less excited about the family friend willing to loan you the money. You are already in heavy debt, will you be able to pay it back, or are they offering it also "freely given" and trust that you will pay it back when you can? Don't accept help if there are strings attached or you will be beholden to them somehow. That's not true help.

As for hospitals wanting experienced nurses, I would think that your current job experience would count a lot. You already know the hospital system, you know the business of your potential employers; it's not as if you were applying fresh off the street. And you probably perform or know how to perform a lot of the stuff nurses do right now.