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#1
Sep 06, 2013, 06:35 PM
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I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. Sick of being so alone. I need a friend but I am simply unable to communicate my needs with others. I would give anything if just one person would invite me to do something with them. But I am such a terrible and difficult person. Hell. I don't want to be with me why would anyone else want to be with me. It makes me so resentful to see all these other people out there who have lives. I want a life other than work and home. Yes, I go to church and try to be active there, but none of those people are really my friends. As a middle aged single adult I am the odd man out. All the singles are much younger so I don't fit in there, and all the ones my age are married so I don't fit in there. I don't fit in anywhere. I don't belong anywhere. I am completely unable to reach out to others. I feel like a bother when I do. I can't even call my AA sponsor and when you can't do that you are in trouble. I want to drink and cut and burn. At least then maybe I would feel something. But all I would do would be to piss other people off. Thought about going to the EC when I got off work today but they can't do anything for me there, and once again all I would do is piss folks off. Thought about calling my T but I don't want to bother her on the week-end. I just need a real person, in real time, to love me and care about me.
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I have heard about your "normal" and it does not sound like fun to me. |
 Luvmydog
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#2
Sep 06, 2013, 06:48 PM
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Lots of hugs to you, georgiagirl.
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"Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you can see the top." -Wildflower http://missracgel.wixsite.com/bearhugs |
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#3
Sep 07, 2013, 11:26 AM
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thanks, today is a better day. Took a Xanax last night. I don't like using them but when I begin to spiral they are what helps the most.
__________________
I have heard about your "normal" and it does not sound like fun to me. |
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