[LoLaLoLa]

I remember when i was a kid, i will stay up late at night waiting for my father to return home from his shift work. I will pretend that i didn't want to sleep because i want to watch movie when in fact i just want to see my father face and know that he is safe. Its not happened everyday though..it just happened sometimes...maybe after a sad family drama.

Once, when i was in first grade [7 y.o], i got into argument with my mother before i go to the school. At school..i felt restless, i am afraid that my mother will died, so i cried real loud saying that i was thirsty and i want to go back home to drink. Well..my teacher offered to buy me a drink but i don't want that..i just want to go back home as soon as possible. Because i was crying non-stop so they have no choice. When i reached home, i feel relieved to see my mother face and i told her i was so thirsty and i want tea. After spent like 10 minutes there..i went back to the school and study like nothing happened..haha..

I hate it when my father and my mother go somewhere together and leave me behind. I'm anxiously waiting for their return. I always afraid that something bad will happened to them. I also hate when my neighbor ask my father/mother to go somewhere with them because it makes me anxious too. All i want is for my parents to just stay at home.

There was a time when my mum went to grocery shop and didn't return after 2 hours. i got so worried..and i forced my sister to start looking for her but my sister just relax and ignore my request. Well..after that my mum come back and she said she met a friends and had conversation with them (-_-)!

All that happened when i'm still living with them. Now i am 26 years old and live alone at city. Do i worry less now?... In some sense, yes. I am no longer worried about my parents safety mostly because i didn't know what they do or where they go. In my mind, they are at home..so they are safe. Sometimes i got angry when my mum told me that "she will" go somewhere..because it will makes me worry. I prefer that she told me after "she went "to that place because its already happened and everything is fine...It's just like "Out of Sight, Out of Mind" Well..i do have siblings..but i can't recall anything about them that makes me worried.

My life now..my personal life is sucks, i don't have boyfriend, i don't have friends too. I makes friends wherever i go..but when i leave..i leave alone. I felt hurt when someone reject or ignore me.. When i get new friends..i wonder how long it can last..not that long. I like when people text or call me first..i'm happy to talk and text with them...but i rarely start text or call people..i felt that i will annoy them or they will respond saying that they didn't want to talk or text with me. I will get angry and sad if they didn't text or call me and start to hate them.. well..i ruined many friendship because i felt like they ignore me.

i have job that i like..but sometimes i feel like my coworker ignore me..well..maybe its my imagination only. but lately..when i feel sad because of personal reason..i can't control my emotion even at work. i'm holding my tear and all i want to do is go back home and crying. I/m afraid that my job will crumble down because of unstable emotion.

[greentires4me]

where is the coles notes version...

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