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#1
Oct 16, 2013, 10:12 PM
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Why do I cling to toxic relationships? why do I seek out people who care nothing about me? why do I have sex with them? why do I give them even 1 second of my time when they disregard me or criticize me? Do I feel like I deserve it or is there something about them that entices me?? I really need to let go of toxic people in my life and self destruction and stupid decisions that make me feel "alive"... why can't I just let go and be happy with being alone and stable? I find un-comfortableness in the stability so I have to do something drastic to feel "alive".. WHY.. ughhh.. have I learned nothing? I try and find things that throw my stable life off balance because I think it will make me feel better.. but it never does and it doesn't stop me from doing it anyway..
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 thepoetishere
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#2
Oct 16, 2013, 10:15 PM
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The chaos feels more comfortable..
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#3
Oct 16, 2013, 10:38 PM
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Well, it sounds like pretty "typical" BPD behavior to me. I know that's not very helpful, but I also know that just being aware of my behavior doesn't mean I can change it. I have no ****ing idea where to start. I'm guessing you cling because of fear of abandonment, whether or not a relationship is good or bad. It's what we do.
Do you have a T that knows anything about BPD? Have you heard of DBT?
__________________
Since you've abandoned me My whole life has crashed Won't you pick the pieces up Cause it feels just like I'm walking on broken glass -----Annie Lennox |
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#4
Oct 17, 2013, 09:23 AM
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"TheRealFDeal" is very correct.
I am sure not every BPD person is the exact same.... But speaking for myself - until you have had some treatment - you will not believe how incredibly overpowering the "abandonment" issue is. It is probably the biggest factor is ALL my negative issues / history. Good luck, God bless you. |
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#5
Oct 17, 2013, 09:29 AM
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I was there until I met my husband 13 years ago. He is my rock and won't leave even when I tell him too. I did not notice my pattern of behaviour until recently and reading about BPD. Once you know the behaviour is happening it is easier to find ways to change things (with all behaviours). Change is hard but possible.
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Mags Depression diagnosed March 1996 PTSD diagnosed January 2000 BPD diagnosed September 2013 |
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#6
Oct 17, 2013, 09:40 AM
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I have thought the same thing before, single and free for years now. So I haven't had to deal with this dilemma as much recently. I think its because all the crap I put up with from my parents when I was a child, I couldn't leave them. So it just seems "normal" when somebody I love is treating me like shart. Its possible you could feel like you deserve it, or you could be reliving your past trauma through current relationships.
__________________
"Much like wind blowing through hollowed cemetery grounds, we all circulate within this void of reality in search of something more profound. Hopes and Dreams fuel our will to live, projecting our desires into the universe and awaiting what it gives. Throughout life's journeys you will encounter Saints as well as the Heartless, but remember, in order to Appreciate the Light, one Must spend time in Darkness." ~ Prozak |
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#7
Oct 17, 2013, 09:52 AM
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SORRY IF THIS ATTEMPT AT HUMOR FAILS....
Quote:
*Clears throat - HI, let me introduce myself. 
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#8
Oct 17, 2013, 10:23 AM
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Probably because you think you deserve it in some way
 But nobody deserves toxic relationships I hope you're ok
__________________
’’In the end, it’s not going to matter how many breaths you took, but how many moments took your breath away’’ |
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#9
Oct 17, 2013, 02:57 PM
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__________________
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| Reply |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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