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#1
Oct 17, 2013, 06:55 AM
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Deciding if these are intrusive thoughts or a real desire to end my life. It'd be much easier. I wouldn't have to suffer. I wouldn't keep letting people down because I'm not what they think I am I wouldn't have to keep hiding how mentally ill I really am. I could be with Megan. I don't know what I want anymore. I just can't see this life going much further.
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Allie Diagnosed: Generalized Anxiety Disorder & Obsessive Compulsive Disoder. Previous: Borderline Personality Disorder. I no longer qualify for a diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder, but there will always be my borderline traits that I struggle with especially during times of great stress. I've been working passionately as a therapist since December 2016
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 allme, finonaey, Fuzzybear, GeorgiaGirl413, HALLIEBETH87, HealingNSuffering, kindachaotic, themonster7, thepoetishere, wiltedxdaisy
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#2
Oct 17, 2013, 07:11 AM
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Atomicc
 , I'm glad that you decided to post how you are feeling. The feelings are never right nor wrong, they just are. It takes strength to admit that you are struggling, and I'm really super happy that you did.You aren't alone. You have many friends here. You are respected. You are wanted and you are needed.  You are reaching out. I can see that. That's awesome!  Please just keep reaching out. If you have a T, give them a call, and just talk to them. IF you don't have a T please seek one out.Please take care Atomicc. Jeff
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 atomicc
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#3
Oct 17, 2013, 08:20 AM
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atomicc,
I'm so sorry to hear how low you are feeling right now. And I know you miss your friend, and I know I didn't know her, but she would want you to fight. That's what friends want for each other, even if they're not there to tell them. Find strength in the fact that she would want you to succeed. Also, please keep a close eye on these thoughts. Even if they are only intrusive right now, they could quickly spiral out of control. So just be cautious. If you start to feel you are a real harm, please get help. Lean on your supports, and don't be ashamed of "hiding" your illness. It is not who you are. It is a part of you, yes, but right now you are not comfortable sharing that with others, and that is nothing to be ashamed of, it's just you protecting yourself. You have an outlet here, and that's what is important.
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~Make your smile change the world; don't let the world change your smile.~ Shining Through Our Shadows - Support For Mental Health |
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#4
Oct 17, 2013, 08:54 AM
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Quote:
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#5
Oct 17, 2013, 09:18 AM
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Atomicc, I am so sorry you are feeling so bad. I know what you are going through. I feel this way myself right now. Sometimes just putting one foot in front of the other is the most difficult thing in the world. Just know that all of us are here for you. I know that you don't think so, but there are wonderful things ahead for you in life. Right now, try to find just one something that you can hold on to, no matter how silly it seems. For me, I can't "leave" right now, as I have to catch Season 4 of Downton Abbey. Silly? Sure it is. But it keeps me here and that's what's important. Love and hugs to you.. Hang in.
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I have heard about your "normal" and it does not sound like fun to me. |
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#6
Oct 17, 2013, 09:33 AM
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I have no words of wisdom.... All I can say is - your post literally made me cry.
Please don't. |
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#7
Oct 17, 2013, 09:49 AM
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Hun, I can tell you that after a death of someone you love that you do not think clearly. One of my older sisters died when I was 21. I was at university and so I did not have a lot of support (it was summer school too). I really don't remember that year, I was in a fog always. I know my friends tried but they really could not relate. When you are dealing with grieving it is no time to make any kind of decisions.
There will be a time when things get easier, I promise you. You will remember Megan and the memories will not hurt so much. If you want to chat just PM me.
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Mags Depression diagnosed March 1996 PTSD diagnosed January 2000 BPD diagnosed September 2013 |
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#8
Oct 17, 2013, 10:21 AM
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Sorry you're having trouble
It's not easy I know. But we must keep on trying....
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’’In the end, it’s not going to matter how many breaths you took, but how many moments took your breath away’’ |
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#9
Oct 17, 2013, 11:09 AM
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Pleeeaaassse no, Allie. I need you here and lots of other people do too. I know what you're going through. We're not going to explode today. We're going to take it one minute at a time if we have to. We will overcome all this ****.
 much love!
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#10
Oct 17, 2013, 01:58 PM
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Allie 
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#11
Oct 17, 2013, 03:57 PM
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Thank you all so so much for your kind words. I was so very close to the edge when I wrote this..I still don't think I'm that far back, but knowing that you guys care has made all the difference.
I love each and every one of you and I'll keep fighting so I can continue on here and help you all out as much as you have helped me. <3
__________________
Allie Diagnosed: Generalized Anxiety Disorder & Obsessive Compulsive Disoder. Previous: Borderline Personality Disorder. I no longer qualify for a diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder, but there will always be my borderline traits that I struggle with especially during times of great stress. I've been working passionately as a therapist since December 2016
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| Anonymous32734, Fuzzybear, HALLIEBETH87, technigal
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| HALLIEBETH87
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#12
Oct 17, 2013, 04:07 PM
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Please keep fighting Atomicc
. Never let the bastard win!!! That's what I say. Just you being here helps me.
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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