[Angel of Bedlam]

I thought today was going to be awesome, but now have rage in my veins. I just saw a girl who has sent some messages to my boyfriend, and she was flirty in her messages (using the damn winks and smileys and whatnot). He did not reply in any way that would suggest interest, but the fact that SHE did that (knowing full well that he is taken) has sent me from a pretty good morning down a jealous and rage filled day that has me seconds from exploding. The horrible things that I want to do to this woman (keep in mind they are only in my head and I have no intention of ever acting them out), are so sadistic and evil.

Is jealousy like this normal for BPDers? Do any of you go through this? Am I as crazy as I feel?

[IGotThis]

I have definitely had some jealousy issues. I don't know if it's bpd related or not, but I can't control them, so probably... I remember my ex and my best friend ditched me to go shopping together, and I totally flipped s***... Turns out he was asking her help on an anniversary gift for me... But that still didn't stop my rage toward the both of them....

[Angel of Bedlam]

I think maybe the jealousy for me has to do with my abandonment issues and worrying he's going to leave for something better. I'm having a hard time biting my tongue with this girl, I want to rip her apart with my words. I find my rage to be most catastrophic when I tear someone apart emotionally and then watch as they hurt themselves. If that's not evil, I don't know what is.

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[IGotThis]

That's exactly what I do, and I absolute agree that it's the fear of abandonment/ being alone... As terrible as it is, when I get like that, all I can think about is making them feel the pain they made me feel... So I cut away at them emotionally, and get deeper and deeper each time, until finally they crack, and feel like I do... It's awful, it really is. Jealously and revenge all in one.

I get jealous as hell, and I know it is the BPD....but I usually internalize it...feel awful and rejected even knowing it's probably all in my head. The the NPD takes over and I decide I don't give a f***...let him find something better. He won't. And I know it.

Knowing he'll 'settle' with something, maybe not better, but not me is what makes the BPD in me crash and burn. It's a constant war. I feel like my emotions can't decide on rage of jealousy or depression from being abandoned. It's horrible.

[Angel of Bedlam]

As bad as that is, it is nice to know someone else experiences it. The other thing that worries me is when I don't release that rage, I tend to turn it inward and SH. It's almost like it has to come out somehow and if I don't take it out on them that I take it out on me.

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[IGotThis]

Damn... I feel like you're in my head right now.... I hate it, because lately I've found myself getting jealous of a 3year old... For absolutely nothing she had control over... I obviously can't take it out on her, so instead I turn it around on myself for not being able to control my jealousy...

[allme]

Omg that would drive me crazy and I would of probably called her and give her a piece of my mind! Some girls have no shame hitting on men that are already taken is disgusting

[Angel of Bedlam]

I just want to destroy her. And I'm irrationally angry at my boyfriend.

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[technigal]

Originally Posted by Angel of Bedlam

Is jealousy like this normal for BPDers? Do any of you go through this? Am I as crazy as I feel?

Definitely for me. I have an ex that used to purposely make me jealous... My husband has never given me reason to be jealous, he doesn't even look at other women.

[Angel of Bedlam]

Seth doesn't do that either. Rationally, I know he is more loyal than a pit bull... but I hate other women even trying to infringe on that. It makes me think that they're better than me (or at least think they are, I mean, why try and break that up unless you think you have something better to offer?) and that makes me feel so ****** about myself.

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[Gingersnapsmom]

Jealousy like that was "normal" for me when I was in a relationship and it really sucks...it's torture.

[Angel of Bedlam]

I used to go after men who were unattractive so that I wouldn't have to deal with this. Or I'd just use them by letting them use me and hoping they'd eventually think I was worth loving. Both strategies didn't work.

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[IGotThis]

I used to do the same thing... Date the underdog so they wouldn't leave because they were lucky to have managed to get me.... I screwed over a lot of people, including myself, doing that.... It really is torture living that way... Especially when you end up with a POS boyfriend who leaves you because you're too clingy and (insert all other suckish bpd traits here)...

[Angel of Bedlam]

Bahagaga! It gave me more security but they ended up being bad in their own ways. You definitely don't have to be attractive to be a d-bag. At least I'm learning lol

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[technigal]

Originally Posted by Angel of Bedlam

I used to go after men who were unattractive so that I wouldn't have to deal with this.

My husband thinks he is unattractive but I disagree, he is however the proverbial "nice guy". He puts up with so much crap from me, I don't think I would be as supportive if he was the one with BPD.

[Angel of Bedlam]

I don't know how 2 BDPers together would be. I'd hope that if my boyfriend had it, we'd find a way to build each other up rather than destroy each other.

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[technigal]

Originally Posted by Angel of Bedlam

I don't know how 2 BDPers together would be. I'd hope that if my boyfriend had it, we'd find a way to build each other up rather than destroy each other.

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My husband is an aspie so he doesn't "get" emotions. We have two aspies and a bpd living in this house...very crazy at times but we love each other.

Originally Posted by Angel of Bedlam

I thought today was going to be awesome, but now have rage in my veins. I just saw a girl who has sent some messages to my boyfriend, and she was flirty in her messages (using the damn winks and smileys and whatnot). He did not reply in any way that would suggest interest, but the fact that SHE did that (knowing full well that he is taken) has sent me from a pretty good morning down a jealous and rage filled day that has me seconds from exploding. The horrible things that I want to do to this woman (keep in mind they are only in my head and I have no intention of ever acting them out), are so sadistic and evil.

Is jealousy like this normal for BPDers? Do any of you go through this? Am I as crazy as I feel?

"using the damn winks and smileys.." I wouldn't chalk that up as flirtatious at all! I use smileys all the time and definitely not with lady friends only. I mean, I am probably an extreme case but I think smileys of those kind are far too common in messages and texts for you to assume that they are trying to flirt. If she sent <3 to him or specifically said something flirtatious that's different.

not minimizing the situation at all though. I understand the jealousy and the fact of the matter is you need to really look at what was the motivation of the message, the fact that your bf didn't respond flirtatiously or anyting and be content with that. No matter how long you're with your bf, there will be some women that will at least try. Don't let it upset you, save that for if your bf does the flirting. He hasn't done anything and ladies tend to do that and from a few lady friends I have many women enjoy flirting specifically with those that are "taken" as if it's a challenge or some kind of game.

Jealousy is not unique to BPD but I think, is pretty common simply because jealousy is tied to our own self-image and security, and frankly most BPD people lack in those areas.

[Angel of Bedlam]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

"using the damn winks and smileys.." I wouldn't chalk that up as flirtatious at all! I use smileys all the time and definitely not with lady friends only. I mean, I am probably an extreme case but I think smileys of those kind are far too common in messages and texts for you to assume that they are trying to flirt. If she sent <3 to him or specifically said something flirtatious that's different.

not minimizing the situation at all though. I understand the jealousy and the fact of the matter is you need to really look at what was the motivation of the message, the fact that your bf didn't respond flirtatiously or anyting and be content with that. No matter how long you're with your bf, there will be some women that will at least try. Don't let it upset you, save that for if your bf does the flirting. He hasn't done anything and ladies tend to do that and from a few lady friends I have many women enjoy flirting specifically with those that are "taken" as if it's a challenge or some kind of game.

Jealousy is not unique to BPD but I think, is pretty common simply because jealousy is tied to our own self-image and security, and frankly most BPD people lack in those areas.

Makes sense. The winks and whatever were contextual to flirting. And I agree, my self-image leads to a very bad inferiority complex that is difficult to overcome. Appreciate the advice very much.

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[Angel of Bedlam]

Originally Posted by technigal

My husband is an aspie so he doesn't "get" emotions. We have two aspies and a bpd living in this house...very crazy at times but we love each other.

That's the most important thing. And who knows, maybe love does conquer all?

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