[Txngrl78]

So, it's been a rough past week. My marriage is in a real bad place, & the majority of the damage is on me and my behaviors. I'm battling self hatred for the pain I've caused my spouse, which I've justified over many years by the way he treats me. It's a horrible case of two COMPLETELY DIFFERENT people, who have never been able to find a way to meet in the middle to work through our issues. I've had 2 psychotic breaks in as many months, & my husband just can't wrap his mind around my 'emotional issues.' After a train wreck of a therapy session last week, it came out that he had aspergers. As if things weren't difficult enough, it's confirmed I'm married to a man that CAN'T get me. Here I am an intensely emotional creature who can't manage her emotions... And there he is a hard wired Aspie, who's never had the opportunity to work on mental issues he didn't even realize he had. I'm overwhelmed and feeling so lonely & out of place.
Question. What coping skills work for any of y'all when you feel yourself spiraling emotionally? I try journaling and talking it out. Those don't always work :-(

[Angel of Bedlam]

Have you ever heard of action opposite? When you're feeling an intense emotion (i.e. anger, sorrow, etc.), write the emotion down. Right after, right down your action impulse, basically what the emotion makes you immediately want to do (i.e. anger- I want to lash out at _______ and really hurt them), then write down the opposite (i.e. I need to hear them out and be calm)

Do the opposite.

When dealing with anger or rage emotions, it's best for me to first take a little time away from the situation before doing the opposite so I can have a bit more clear of a head. Maybe it'd be helpful to you

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[Txngrl78]

Originally Posted by Angel of Bedlam

Have you ever heard of action opposite? When you're feeling an intense emotion (i.e. anger, sorrow, etc.), write the emotion down. Right after, right down your action impulse, basically what the emotion makes you immediately want to do (i.e. anger- I want to lash out at _______ and really hurt them), then write down the opposite (i.e. I need to hear them out and be calm)

Do the opposite.

When dealing with anger or rage emotions, it's best for me to first take a little time away from the situation before doing the opposite so I can have a bit more clear of a head. Maybe it'd be helpful to you

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My therapist suggested something similar today. I can't imagine being coherent enough to sit and do this, but it's definitely something worth trying. Thank you :-)

[technigal]

TXN, I so get where you are coming from. My husband and 8 year old son are both Aspies. Our house is crazy, I am over-emotional and the other two don't get emotions. My husband and I have been together almost 13 years and all the diagnoses have come within the last 12 months.

[Txngrl78]

Originally Posted by technigal

TXN, I so get where you are coming from. My husband and 8 year old son are both Aspies. Our house is crazy, I am over-emotional and the other two don't get emotions. My husband and I have been together almost 13 years and all the diagnoses have come within the last 12 months.

So, how do y'all manage? Have you found a way to compromise or meet in the middle? Does he accept your diagnoses? My husband does not. He doesn't even try to understand. Here I am trying to relate to what HE'S going through, but then he can't/won't do the same :-/

[Astridetal]

I have Asperge'rs and BPD and I can understand how you and your spouse have a hard time meeting each other's needs. It's good you're working in therapy. Does your spouse come to therapy with you sometimes, or could you get marriage counseling?

[technigal]

Originally Posted by Txngrl78

So, how do y'all manage? Have you found a way to compromise or meet in the middle? Does he accept your diagnoses? My husband does not. He doesn't even try to understand. Here I am trying to relate to what HE'S going through, but then he can't/won't do the same :-/

My husband is very supportive. He has driven me to therapy, held me as I freaked out and ignored me when I beg him to divorce me. It is actually better now that we know the diagnosis because it give us something to work from. We know what the issue is, now what changes do we need to make.

He did just start a blog which I found some of the posts to be very mean but we talked about them.

[Angel of Bedlam]

That's good you're seeing at a good thing and a starting point. Support is so important and it sounds like even of he's not perfect that he's making strides to be there for you.

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[Fuzzybear]