Can't come to terms with being "mentally disabled"

I started receiving SSI benefits about 2 years ago and decided I was going to see a therapist and really work on my problems. To me was only a temporary thing, I was going to use the benefits and support to overcome my mental health problems.. I was going to finish school, get a job, move out and live a healthy and successful life. Although it's been 2 years and I don't feel any better off, I actually feel worse. I receive job counseling and job seeking services for disabled people through the state. I told my counselor that I wanted to go into architecture and he just kind of ignored me and started looking at job statistics for interior design but dropped that idea when he saw that there wasn't much job growth in my state. He didn't say it but I'm certain he thinks that it's not very realistic for me to go into something that like, that I can't handle it. I also saw my file on his computer and I am classed as "most significantly disabled" I saw my therapist today and she pointed out that I receive benefits because I can only handle so much and asked if I was even ready to work and suggested that I start off in volunteering. I have really low self-esteem and it stems mostly from having social anxiety and other mental health problems including BPD but I think the majority of my self-esteem issues stems from social anxiety. I feel like these issues set me back a great deal and make me an incompetent person who can't handle anything. I feel like I'm never going to have a job I'm passionate about, be independent, make friends, get married or be content in life. I feel like an alien, a freak that everyone should avoid and I should just hide myself from the world. I just feel so crippled, defeated, and hopeless with everyone telling me that I can't do this or can't handle that. I feel like I have absolutely no control over my life. I'm very concerned about my future, I'm afraid that I'm going to end up in a group home or homeless. There's a group home a few houses down from me and there's this woman who walks to the grocery store and back I am terrified that that is going to be me, or already is me. In my head going to the grocery store everyday is the only thing she ever looks forward to and is the only thing that brings her joy. I feel like going to therapy hasn't gotten me anywhere, it's only made things worse. I viewed myself very differently before I started receiving support and going to therapy, I saw myself as being a little more normal and I believed that I could do anything and I might fail a few times but I could always get back up and keep trying. I believed that anyone could do anything if they really applied themselves and work hard. I don't believe that anymore, I don't believe in myself.

Volunteering is actually a great idea. It helps me a lot. You can only win. It gives you a challenge but a safety net at the same time. Find something you are interested in and go and volunteer. Sometimes you can transition right onto a job. Just remember time is our best resource. If you have time give it, that will prove you have a lot to offer others.

I've always wanted to do volunteer work but am kind of nervous about it. What kind of volunteer work do you do? How do you about finding work? I imagine the internet is probably very helpful for that lol. Are there websites out there last list the different organizations/jobs? are there like government run websites?

It sounds really hard right now. I think you could still go into architecture, maybe volunteer/apprentice with someone? Although it may be more of alone work. Can you go to school for it? I'm 40 & still hope to someday finish my college degree. It's too late in life for me to go into the field I really wanted, but I would like a degree in something, it's. personal goal. You have the drive to want to work, it's not always possible when we're ill, but I'm proud of you and hope & pray you can find a good job & that things will get better.

Yes. Google it. Or Try the hospitals near you, their websites. Public schools. All kindsa stuff.

If you like animals how about a no-kill shelter. They are always looking for volunteers. It will get you used to going out and animals are nonjudgmental

Find something you like. Animals, religion, children, art, ect. Hope things get better. If you are going to doubt something doubt your limits.

When volunteering, it's always best to find your passion. My sister's was fostering and helping dogs find homes. Another person I know worked with the elderly. Still another ants to volunteer at a place that will allow her to work with pregnant teenagers as she was one once and no be helped her.

Me, when I get some time, probably in December, I am going to volunteer at a food distribution center or pantry as I feel bad I live not far from so many people who live on the streets and/or people that can't afford to feed themselves. That is my passion because of issues when I grew up as well as stories about my father doing without meals when he was growing up to make sure his sister's site.

What are you passionate about?