I suppose the root of the problem is my ex-husband and his refusal to directly co-parent with me. The terms of our divorce state that he can have our 3 year old daughter every Saturday over night supervized by his mother. He is also allowed to call her whenever he wants. Him and his mother take her maybe.. two Saturdays a month, and want her on every important Holiday but they never call her. She asks and asks for them and is sad.
His mother calls and arranges all visits because he can't stand the fact that I moved on and have been in a relationship for nearly two years now. For my daughter's sake I've tried to be as flexible as possible with them. Allowing them to keep her for extra long weekends (their pathetic atempt to compinsate for not seeing or talking to her for weeks on end).
My best friend of 7 years is very close with my kids and the plan has been for her to spend Thanksgiving with our family this year for the last few months now. She asked to visit with my daughter for just an hour before she leaves for an extra long weekend with her dad and his mother.
Trouble is, my ex MIL is insisting that she either pick her up early in the morning on Thanksgiving, or not at all. She left me this super long voicemail trying to guilt me. Saying that my best friend isn't family, and has no business taking priority over her and the family members she wants to take her to go see that weekend.
I feel frustrated because I'm saying she can have her on Thanksgiving and the weekend to boot, I'm only asking that my best friend be allowed to spend one hour with her first. I offered to have them pick her up around 10 in the morning, but that's not good enough cuz it's her way or the highway.
They both make me sick with their "disneyland" parenting, and It's taking all my strenghth not to flip my lid on them both. Her for her pushy attitude, and him for his failure to be there for his child unless it happens to line up with the rare times when he's sober.
I am absolutely standing my ground on this one.
-End vent-
Sorry twas so long.

[Phreak]

You're right to stand your ground - they can't have, nor is it right for them to expect that they should have everything their own way.

Originally Posted by Phreak

You're right to stand your ground - they can't have, nor is it right for them to expect that they should have everything their own way.

Thank you!
I feel I've been offly flexible with them, especially considering he does not pay a single dime in child support.

I feel for you! You are 100% right for standing your ground on this one. If there is no specific order in regards to holidays neither of them can do squat.

When it comes to the half *** co- parenting, its my belief, and experience, that kids are better off without a "dad" at all than a lousy disappointing inconsistent one.

I would violate him for not following the visitation order and request mediation/counseling for all parties involved. You can only do so much on your part to help the situation.

I hope things get better for you and your daughter. I co-parent x2 and its difficult to say the least. It requires everyone to be somewhat on the same page and thats not easy!

Originally Posted by Imalooney

I feel for you! You are 100% right for standing your ground on this one. If there is no specific order in regards to holidays neither of them can do squat.

When it comes to the half *** co- parenting, its my belief, and experience, that kids are better off without a "dad" at all than a lousy disappointing inconsistent one.

I would violate him for not following the visitation order and request mediation/counseling for all parties involved. You can only do so much on your part to help the situation.

I hope things get better for you and your daughter. I co-parent x2 and its difficult to say the least. It requires everyone to be somewhat on the same page and thats not easy!

Can I violate him for not taking all the Saturdays? I thought I only could if he kept her longer than the agreement or something.
I wish he'd either step up, or go away. but the state of California i very spasific about parental rights, people in prison get visitation here,.
Him and I were able to agree on everything without going to court, and the divorce still took 17 months to finalize.

Originally Posted by ThroughBeingCool

Can I violate him for not taking all the Saturdays? I thought I only could if he kept her longer than the agreement or something.
I wish he'd either step up, or go away. but the state of California i very spasific about parental rights, people in prison get visitation here,.
Him and I were able to agree on everything without going to court, and the divorce still took 17 months to finalize.

Its my understanding that not following the order is simply not following the order. Either by keeping the child too long or not taking the child when the orders says. Here in ma you can absolutely go to court and let them know that he is not taking her when he should. The consequences vary but it does create a paper trail that in the end can get visitation revoked especially if one can show how the inconsistency is harming said child.
Its very similar to a contract which means both parties have to follow it.

I would def ask in your state what you can do.

Prison visitation?! *Shutters*..

Originally Posted by Imalooney

Its my understanding that not following the order is simply not following the order. Either by keeping the child too long or not taking the child when the orders says. Here in ma you can absolutely go to court and let them know that he is not taking her when he should. The consequences vary but it does create a paper trail that in the end can get visitation revoked especially if one can show how the inconsistency is harming said child.
Its very similar to a contract which means both parties have to follow it.

I would def ask in your state what you can do.

Prison visitation?! *Shutters*..

I'd like to avoid court if I can, but if this continues harming my child emotionally I won't have a choice.
Thank you for the support.

[Angel of Bedlam]

Originally Posted by ThroughBeingCool

I suppose the root of the problem is my ex-husband and his refusal to directly co-parent with me. The terms of our divorce state that he can have our 3 year old daughter every Saturday over night supervized by his mother. He is also allowed to call her whenever he wants. Him and his mother take her maybe.. two Saturdays a month, and want her on every important Holiday but they never call her. She asks and asks for them and is sad.
His mother calls and arranges all visits because he can't stand the fact that I moved on and have been in a relationship for nearly two years now. For my daughter's sake I've tried to be as flexible as possible with them. Allowing them to keep her for extra long weekends (their pathetic atempt to compinsate for not seeing or talking to her for weeks on end).
My best friend of 7 years is very close with my kids and the plan has been for her to spend Thanksgiving with our family this year for the last few months now. She asked to visit with my daughter for just an hour before she leaves for an extra long weekend with her dad and his mother.
Trouble is, my ex MIL is insisting that she either pick her up early in the morning on Thanksgiving, or not at all. She left me this super long voicemail trying to guilt me. Saying that my best friend isn't family, and has no business taking priority over her and the family members she wants to take her to go see that weekend.
I feel frustrated because I'm saying she can have her on Thanksgiving and the weekend to boot, I'm only asking that my best friend be allowed to spend one hour with her first. I offered to have them pick her up around 10 in the morning, but that's not good enough cuz it's her way or the highway.
They both make me sick with their "disneyland" parenting, and It's taking all my strenghth not to flip my lid on them both. Her for her pushy attitude, and him for his failure to be there for his child unless it happens to line up with the rare times when he's sober.
I am absolutely standing my ground on this one.
-End vent-
Sorry twas so long.

I go through this with my son's father and I totally understand your anger. My visitation schedule was ordered to be at my discretion, meaning I got to decide when he saw Mase. I decided it best for my son to create a schedule and worked with his dad to have him take Mase every other weekend knowing full well he could see him more but he never makes the attempt to. His dad has blocked my number so I have to text rather than call to check on him when he's there and 99% of the time when I ask his dad about visits or anything he either won't respond to me at all, or will say something hurtful.

Sent from my SPH-D710 using Tapatalk

Originally Posted by Angel of Bedlam

I go through this with my son's father and I totally understand your anger. My visitation schedule was ordered to be at my discretion, meaning I got to decide when he saw Mase. I decided it best for my son to create a schedule and worked with his dad to have him take Mase every other weekend knowing full well he could see him more but he never makes the attempt to. His dad has blocked my number so I have to text rather than call to check on him when he's there and 99% of the time when I ask his dad about visits or anything he either won't respond to me at all, or will say something hurtful.

Sent from my SPH-D710 using Tapatalk

Oh honey you do not have to tolerate that. Him not allowing you to be able to call when your child is in his care is absolutely unacceptable, and I'm pretty sure a judge will see it the same way.
I would go to mediation if I were you.

-Update-
We have worked out an arrangement that allows for my best friend to visit with my daughter, and for her to also be able to spend time with her dad's family.
In addition, I emailed my ex-husband and politely demanded he co-parent with me. I said we need to be arranging visitation, not our parents. We both need to be the type of parents our daughter needs us to be, and that involves co-parenting. He replied promptly and agreed.
We'll see how long, if at all that lasts.

[technigal]

Originally Posted by ThroughBeingCool

-Update-
We have worked out an arrangement that allows for my best friend to visit with my daughter, and for her to also be able to spend time with her dad's family.
In addition, I emailed my ex-husband and politely demanded he co-parent with me. I said we need to be arranging visitation, not our parents. We both need to be the type of parents our daughter needs us to be, and that involves co-parenting. He replied promptly and agreed.
We'll see how long, if at all that lasts.

I hope it does work. The one thing my parents did right was co-parent. Up until my mom's Alzheimer's diagnosis they talked weekly about their kids, grandkids and great-grandkids (I was 38 at that time and I am the youngest). Also, my sister and I are the two youngest, neither of us recall our parents fighting.

Originally Posted by technigal

I hope it does work. The one thing my parents did right was co-parent. Up until my mom's Alzheimer's diagnosis they talked weekly about their kids, grandkids and great-grandkids (I was 38 at that time and I am the youngest). Also, my sister and I are the two youngest, neither of us recall our parents fighting.

See, I would like this for our daughter. I feel it's hard and confusing enough for her without me and her father failing to co-parent.