[learningtolive2013]

I feel like i'm always apologizing for my behaviors and thoughts that I express to people. I always feel like I need to prove myself and that my word is no longer good with people. I'll say Oh things are changing and i'm doing better and then I have that "moment" of BPD and chaos erupts and then when it's calm again I say "Oh things are changing and i'm doing better.. It's such a vicious cycle and I feel like nobody trusts that i'm changing or getting better.

During the "calm" I feel like i'm growing and things are better. Anyway, I hate that feeling of trying to save face and apologize and tell people I hurt that things will be better and I know they don't believe me because I've said it so much with little results.. ughhh.. Just sharing..

[Angel of Bedlam]

Originally Posted by learningtolive2013

I feel like i'm always apologizing for my behaviors and thoughts that I express to people. I always feel like I need to prove myself and that my word is no longer good with people. I'll say Oh things are changing and i'm doing better and then I have that "moment" of BPD and chaos erupts and then when it's calm again I say "Oh things are changing and i'm doing better.. It's such a vicious cycle and I feel like nobody trusts that i'm changing or getting better.

During the "calm" I feel like i'm growing and things are better. Anyway, I hate that feeling of trying to save face and apologize and tell people I hurt that things will be better and I know they don't believe me because I've said it so much with little results.. ughhh.. Just sharing..

I know how you feel! Keep your chin up, it can be so hard sometimes when you feel that you're getting nowhere. You are making progress and everyone experiences set backs from time to time. Maybe keep a chart or some sort of planner where you can see your progress, that way even when you have a freakout you can see how far you've come.

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Believe me, I understand. I'm always apologizing for my behavior too. Some of my past behavior while under the influence was so bad that I'm still apologizing for it today. Certain family members seem to love bringing up the past.

[Angel of Bedlam]

I will say I also hate this because it always seems to be my fault in some way or another and that's such a confidence crusher.

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