[fun_duh_mental]

I attempted to post this earlier but wasn't paying attention and posted it in the wrong place.. i'm not even really sure what i expect to accomplish with this post aside from being able to say something to people that would understand my situation.. i've always been described as a high functioning borderline.. told that i understand a lot about the disorder because i read a lot about it.. but when it comes to having friends and communication i'm barely functioning at all..*

for the past several months i've been able to make and keep a few friends.. i don't do much with them outside of work but i do occasionally.. i seem to have been sucked in by a dishonest person who comes across as the nicest most trustworthy person you could possibly meet.. one night said friend basically told me how my other friend was a liar and thief.. after being told this i got very paranoid about my other friend.. thought she was lying to me all the time and avoiding me for no reason.. i made some bad decisions and said some wrong things.. trusted the wrong person.. and because of my behaviour have lost both friends.. and part of me doesn't understand what i did wrong.. but i know i did something.. i know i shouldn't have discussed one friendship with another friend.. i've deeply hurt my best friend.. well former best friend.. who told me in a text that i was disturbed and to lose her number.. i was in no way trying to do that.. i was trying to fix things.. but i just made it so much worse and now have no friends again. i feel really lost.. i just want to fix it all.. but know i'll just keep making it worse..I just don't know how to have friends

In the time it took me to realize I had posted this in the wrong place things have just gotten worse.. the friend I hurt.. after telling me never to talk to her again continues to text me and Tell me I'm disturbed and pathetic.. accusing me of lying about things that I never even said.. it all started with me being paranoid that they were gonna leave me and turned into this huge mess.. I just wish I knew how to be normal

[technigal]

I don't have any friends either. It sucks.

[lynn808]

Normal???...I have never been normal....and truly believe its over-rated. I also have no friends and have been estranged from my disfunctional family for years. Friends are understanding and care for you. They do seem to get frustrated and say hurtful things. I try to think they are as frustrated as we are with this disease. It is a disease and maybe if people understood more they could help more...but until that day...we have to forgive ourselves and be kind to us!!!! Don't know if this will help at all, but there seems to be a lot of us looking for understanding and we seem to find it here. Thanks for this forum.

[Malenursefl]

Its a long story but, for the most part I traded my freedoms and friendships for a safe place to live and a chance at higher education. I'm working to get back out on my own, live my life, and have friends again. We need to be very careful who we date or call friend though.

[mzunderstood79]

Block her # She is NOT a friend. She seems to have problems of her own if she has nothing better to do than talk to you like that. Real friends are understanding even when they don't really understand. Keep your chin up

Sent from my KFTT using Tapatalk HD

[fun_duh_mental]

Thank you to those who responded! I wasn't even sure if what I said made any sense. The whole thing has me really confused. But I've been able to come to the realization that even though my communication issues and fear of abandonment may have been the start of this issue I'm not completely at fault.. which is huge for me. I blame myself for everything. I'm a good person and did not intend to hurt anyone but the texts i've been getting are malicious and intentional. You're right - these people are not my friends. Who knows if they ever were.

Weird thing is.. after being told i was disturbed, etc. the person that said those things and told me to lose her number wanted to borrow my phone charger last night at work (i didn't happen to be here at the time but a co-worker told me)

[1776]

A real friend wouldn't treat you that way. She would talk through it with you.

When I went into psychosis the first time I lost my best friend of 35 years. She couldn't handle that I wasn't the same person anymore. I found out she wasn't really my friend.

You're not alone. It's okay not to have friends. I don't have any and my life is less complicated because of it.

[Fuzzybear]

This exact thing happened to me in 2012. My mind was comprimized by substance abuse. I was caught in between two people. I knew one of them had to be yanking my chain, but for the life of me I couldn't figure out who.
When I finally sobered up it became friteningly clear who the instigating minipulater was.
but it was too late, he wanted nothing to do with me and understandably so as after recently coming across a message he sent me nearly two years ago, I realized with clarity how badly I hurt and even betrayed him.
My old therapist would have called the loss of that friendship "Natural" consequences, and I know he would have been right. but that doesn't stop me from hurting over the loss sometimes and wishing I could go back and do things differently.
All I can do is move on and take it as a lesson learned. Next time around I will never be caught in the middle again, and I'm sure my viciously loyal side will come out. That and in my case stay sober.
You're not alone, and best of luck.