[maldehyde]

Growing up I was made fun of a lot and called fat a lot. I used to blame my extremely defensive demeanor to being bullied. I was also very spoiled. Growing up I cried almost everyday because I didn't get something or was upset about something. I never had a stable group of friends. I literally jump around from friend to friend. I also get super attached to guys. It was very extreme before. If I was talking to someone for a bit, just a bit, I'd have panic attacks, insomnia, loss of appetite, and constant depression for a while after they left. I am okay with being treated like crap because at least the person hasn't left me completely. A lot of people don't like me because I'm "over the top." If I get ignored, I go crazy and it consumes my mind. I feel guilty about everything I do that goes against my religion, constantly. I say and do many things on impulse that I always regret. For example, as a kid if I didn't get what I wanted I told my parents I hope they died. With friends sometimes, I just cut them off completely if they show signs of leaving me. But since I came to college, along with all these habits, I hook up with guys freely and don't get attached to them at all. I can go on a date with someone and be rejected but be fine as long as I was not ignored in the process. But if someone ever ignores me I literally go crazy. And when I'm drunk, I will send like 20 texts to the guys that have been ignoring me, thus, gaining the title of "psycho." I am literally so sick of being called psycho.

[Maranara]

I'm sorry you've had such a hard time. Being ignored is by far my largest trigger as well; it is the way I was punished when I was little. I've also done the contacting when drunk or very very messed up from working way too many days in a row. It sounds as though you've made some progress when it comes to attachments. That is a start. Grab on to the good things and work on the others. That is how we all progress. There's not much else we can do.

[simplydivine1030]

I completely understand how you feel. Hugs.

[hawaii04]

I also am familiar with what it's like to go through what it is you have and do. I hope you find some comfort in being here and knowing that many share what you experience.