I'd like to know how you guys make friends. I'm not social or confident at all (though I can fake it) and don't know where to go and what to say to make friends. As far as what my interests are, I don't really know, I can go with anything as long as it isn't super uncomfortable, so feel free to make any suggestions. I'm 19 btw. Please walk me through the process cause I don't even know how to make friends... I've lost the few I did have through facebook. Keeping friends is an entirely different story but...one thing at a time.

[Truth in Ruin]

SHARING: friends are sharing. You don't want to be too giving to the point where you become obsessive over someone, or your needs/wants come second, if at all. How is some one going to respect you if you don't respect yourself? There is a flip-side to this coin, you also don't want to be so self absorbed that you ignore the other person's needs/wants.

LOVE: loving yourself will make it easier for someone else to love you. Friends can, and do love eachother. So learning to love yourself would be a good start as well. Easier said than done of corse, but with focus and time, it can be done.

[shezbut]

nevergoodenough,

I struggle with making friends as well & always have. So far, my best technique has been to simply be lightly friendly and helpful towards others. That makes them friendly towards me whenever they're around ~ but I don't have the confidence or any ideas of what I could possibly say to go to the next level & go hang out somewhere together someday. Like: go to have tea (or whatever). It's very difficult for me.

You're young though..there's hope. Meeting others in college helps a lot! Or, if and when you have kids, there are lots of opportunities that pop up if you tend to stay in the same area throughout.

Where in college should I meet people? I mean, just in class or something? I always find it awkward because I never know how to take it any further than just small talk. I usually make some big leap into small talk and talking about personal things, I don't know how to build up to it. D: And then when that happens I drop them. I'm picky about people. I wish I wasn't. I see people on campus that go eat together or something but that's so awkward for me and boring. I'm weird about food.

[Starling.]

If there are people you talk to in class, you could try asking them if they want to get together outside of class sometime - doesn't have to be food, could be a movie, or whatever really. I know it can be scary to do something like that but generally people are glad to be asked and it can help to get to know people in a more relaxed environment.

Also, if there are any clubs or activities going on at your college or the area you live in, that can be a good way of making friends - plus it gives you a starting point of things to talk about other than the usual awkward small talk.

What is it that makes you drop people? I generally find with new people the easiest thing is to kind of gradually go from small talk to other stuff, maybe avoid the need to take one big leap into talking about really personal things. I'm not sure how to explain that properly though.

[Angel of Bedlam]

Originally Posted by nevergoodenough

I'd like to know how you guys make friends. I'm not social or confident at all (though I can fake it) and don't know where to go and what to say to make friends. As far as what my interests are, I don't really know, I can go with anything as long as it isn't super uncomfortable, so feel free to make any suggestions. I'm 19 btw. Please walk me through the process cause I don't even know how to make friends... I've lost the few I did have through facebook. Keeping friends is an entirely different story but...one thing at a time.

I suck at this. I basically have no friends. They are VERY scary and intimidating, especially girls.

Sent from my SPH-D710 using Tapatalk

[pleaseilluminateme]

I struggle with this as well. I don't even know how I met the friends I do have. I guess I met most of my friends by living with them, I've always kind of had random roommates, and then met their friends. I'm extremely shy, but I try to be polite, so people who have more outgoing personalities will usually reach out more to me.
I also can't keep any friends, and its really hard for me to meet people as well, so I completely understand your situation.

[SaraSkyblue]

I feel like I don't even know how to socially interact O_O and add that to social phobia I have SUCH a hard time making friends....

[shezbut]

Joining small study groups is helpful. That's what I did in several courses. As you get closer to your major, the more often you're in the same classes with the same people. And that's what makes it easier.

People just seem to ask everyone in their classes (at that point) what their career path is planned to be. I made 2 true friends in university. We had things in common, career plans & where we were in our romantic/family lives, so we kept in contact for a few years after graduating. {Things kind of fell apart from there for me, due to personal health reasons.}

[lynn808]

I have no "girl" friends...most of my friends are guys...I don't have anything in common with them...no nails...no hairstyle...no bling...kids are grown so no lil ones...kids done school and school had lots of group potential....I did a lot for schools...have good memories of sitting on those little chairs at the little desks and cutting out and laminating projects for the kids to do at night...was very cute and fun...probably was last time I talked to other women..i don't speak to hairdresser about anything personal and haven't had a best friend that was female in about 15 years......I am always alone and watching 4 or 5 women friends and wonder...what do they talk about? oh dear....dare I ask santa for a new friend for Christmas????

[Maranara]

That's a hard question; I've made most of my friends strictly by chance. In college, you'll probably need to leave your comfort zone a bit, but join study groups, go to socials and get togethers, join clubs you're interested in. The goal is not to be a social butterfly but to find one or two people who you can connect with. When you go to these things, look for the person like you, who is sitting in the corner away from everyone, and dare to sit next to them. Hopefully, one of you can strike up a conversation. It's a start.

This is not easy to do but a simple way to get someone to be interested in being friends is to give them a reason to talk about themselves and listen. For most people it's easy to talk about themselves but much harder to take interest in others and listen so this is something that i think in general all people need and want. When someone takes the time to listen, and really take interest, it's more likely they'll have an interest in you also as a friend.

Place where you go isn't important as long as it's a place that is natural for you. If you go out of your way looking for places that have many people or look for other criteria you'll just make it harder on yourself as you won't be in your natural surroundings. Do what you do, go where you normally go for yourself and just take the time to talk to people and listen and you'll make friends.

[Espresso]

I don't make friends anymore and I don't really have any close friends. Of the friends I've made recently, I was introduced either through school or through my husband. In each case, we had something significant in common.

Yeah it's just hard because I never go anywhere. I can barely leave bed now. I'd like to try though but there's no place that's natural for me.

I've had difaculty making and keeping friends for as long as I can remember.
I have used the internet to make friends for the last 10 years now.
Of course I met some friends at college and high school, but mostly it's PC and a parenting forum these days.

[eblam81]

I can understand your loneliness with this issue because I am the opposite. I can't go places without talking to everyone around me! My boyfriend actually gets a bit mad because I strike up conversations with all types of people. This however, can be a negative at times because these days, people take that the wrong way coming from a woman. Anyways, you should work on your self-confidence more. Accept who you are, work on your "downfalls", and display your positive aspects in a decent, respectable, civil way to people and they will be receiving towards you. If you just say hello to people as you approach them they will respond and eventually you will become more sociable. Standing in the store you can just mention the weather to someone that "seems" to be paying attention. You have to also be able to feel people out at times. As everything in life is, it's a hit & miss thing but don't be discouraged. Know that we all have small & large failures. One step at a time. Accept rejection and there will come acception. This makes you stronger, I know this. Best of luck!

I don't know who I am, that's the problem.

[facingdemons]

I was just diagnosed with BPD, and friends is a major issue for me... but I can make friends, I just can't keep them.