[chelsea89]

I've been trying to get help for my PTSD for a while now. Since childhood my Narcissistic mother has shuffled me from psychologist to psychologist, institution to institution, and I fought to keep myself off of medications and out of seclusion rooms. I was then placed into foster care and abused in everyway possible (I was made to eat cereal in spoiled milk, stand for hours grasping my ankles, and my mother would use our visitations to remind me of past traumas, laying on top of me holding me down while splitting my legs open and thrusting into me to show me how vulnerable I still was to being raped again. etc). Through all of this I was diagnosed ADHD at the age of 5, bipolar at the age of 7, ODD and MDD at the age of 10, and NPD, BPD, HPD, ADHD, and PTSD at the age of 14. Not only were many of my diagnosis inappropriate to my age but they're completely inaccurate. I am depressed, I do have flashbacks and nightmares, and an exaggerated startle response. I do react rashly at perceived dangers (such as when my children were put into foster care a few months ago I wanted to flee the country or when my husband and I both lost our jobs within a week of each other last year I was very conservative with our finances. Instead of buying paper towels we could use rags and wash them in the sink later.) . Recently the diagnosis of Bipolar and personality disorders are being used against my husband and myself by CPS to get our children back. Our house was a mess and I was under a ton of stress, we all were, with the financial situation. I was having panic attacks, wasn't sleeping at all because of the nightmares and the rare occasions that I did sleep I was awoken by my own screams. But I don't think any of this constitutes bipolar or a personality disorder. I don't have mood swings, rather I have periods where I function better than other times and where the panic attacks aren't as consistent. Before the jobs losses and the stress of moving when we couldn't afford rent, going to food banks, and looking for work only to find nothing after nearly a year, I had graduated college with a 4.0, our children went to preschool, we had $10,000 in savings and had taken our children to Disney World. We were stable and buying a home that due to the financial situation we lost. I guess the question here is how do I get these people to let go of the past diagnosis and see me for me at this point? I've done two psychological evaluations so far and one diagnosed me PTSD chronic and BPD, the other is PTSD chronic and referring me to a psychiatrist for a more thorough evaluation for Bipolar and MDD. I know that I'm depressed, but it's not without reason (my kids are gone, we lost ten years of work within a few months, and I'm having a lot of panic/PTSD related issues) but I'm not unstable. We've been married for 8 years, I've followed through with school, I've held a job since I was 16 though due to the high turnover rate of those jobs I've held over 5 jobs in my lifetime. I'm not a bad mother. Our children are stable, they've been taken care of, loved, and have been in school/had all of their vaccinations and medical checkups. I'm not suicidal and I have never self-harmed, I don't use drugs and only ever have on one occasion as a teen. How does any of this constitute a personality disorder?

[technigal]

None of us can tell you what the correct diagnosis is but it is good that you are going to be seeing a psychiatrist. They are the ones that can access you and come up with a diagnosis. For me, the psychiatrist had me read some stuff on BPD it see if it fit, it did for me.

I am sorry for the childhood you had and for the difficulties you are now facing. I hope you find some relief from your ptsd soon.