[Aphrodites_Muse]

I'm going batty! I swear I can see all the signs in my face of why I shouldn't continue to repair my relationship with my ex. I can't seem to cope with the fact that I deeply love her, but I should walk away.

Our past has taught me this time and time again, yet I ignore it. The present shows the lack of her care, and yet I pursue. Why can't I love myself enough to pursue someone who loves me back as much as I give love?

Why does my past seem to be this barrage of confusing feelings entwined with sexual encounters...that happen out of love...friendship....curiosity...and yet still I cannot find that ultimate love I crave so much?

I just don't understand how I tell myself that I will follow my gut next time, it's never wrong...but when the time comes and my gut churns I am always on edge about what it's saying. I always choose to ignore it or can't decide which side my gut is on. I feel my gut now...I know what it says...yet this childish coward inside won't stand up.

Once again, I'm failing myself and I've no idea which way to turn. I feel no matter what I do, I will always feel that I chose wrong.

[shezbut]

((((Aphrodites Muse))))

I can relate a lot, so I don't really have any words of wisdom to help you through your frustrating confusion. Although, when I was in DBT, we were encouraged to fill out pros & cons lists when we're feeling like this. I just haven't ever done it on this issue, as I fear that I'm too confused to make true remarks.

What a pain! Gentle hugs to you.