[River11]

It was my daughter's self-awareness and sharing about her journey in understanding and dealing with her diagnosed schizo-affective bi-polar that led me to finally consider the possibility of my 'having something' and take up her suggestion to check out PC.

A bit like I've read several others have found, reading about BPD made me go, "Oh, that's me from the inside!" It was also a mini revelation to me that alot of my internal responses and struggles and instabilities were not common to most people!! (Was that part of anyone else's discovery? Or just my own little extra craziness?!!) So it was both disconcerting and greatly relieving to recognise that I have this disorder. My discovering and accepting it was a relief to my husband too !!

Next was getting a doctor's referral to a psychologist (so I get covered for several visits per year /-: ), and she had me do 300-odd question PAI questionnaire, which showed :

"aspects of interest (as they are what is termed elevated) are anger, depression and anxiety. Also, you may experience these moods fairly often or feel a shift from one to the next. You may also be having trouble concentrating as a result. ...also suggest you have a positive feeling about receiving treatment and are motivated about change ..."

But she is 'not into labels', and believes my emotional struggles and episodes of stubborn freaked outness (lack of ability to emotionally regulate) at apparently insignificant things even though I am of good intelligence and spiritual depth are the legacy of years of childhood sexual abuse plus abandonment by my father and detached passive aggression from my mother.
I'd also been increasingly lost under a de facto rel'ship that was increasingly isolated and abusive in pretty much every way for 11 years.

Sometimes I've felt that I'd rather have an actual diagnosis (if that's possible for me) and even to see myself as having a disorder (even though at first that felt very disconcerting on an identity level) rather than accept that I still just suffer crap within myself and my relationship because I was an abuse victim. I worked hard for years in therapy, reading, groups, healing work and self-observing etc to be able to be in the world and relate etc healthily, rather than continue to be a victim ...

There's more I could say and explain, but I didn't mean to be writing my life story ...
I just would like to know what you good folk think about my T's belief ... Do you think that what some may see as BPD could be just explained as someone being ultra emotionally sensitive (or an HSP perhaps), not taught to regulate by parents and screwed up by abuse?

Thanks so much for reading all that and for any feedback ...

[marmaduke]

I must admit I am into labels, IMO a label can give framework to work on. A 'diagnosis' can sometimes be a relief , you know whats wrong and therefore have more idea how to fight it.
I know that my ex partner in hind sight was BPD. If he'd had a diagnosis, if only I'd known what the problem was, I would have been able to help him more.
I know his father could be violent, and his mother was self absorbed, a narcissist. His childhood was not good.
Maybe his father was BPD. I don't know if my ex partner inherited the PD or perhaps he was just damaged by his parents?
Nature loads the gun, and nurture pulls the trigger.
If he'd had good parents I think he would have been OK, or at least much more able to cope.
You sound BPD to me, but I'm guessing.

[beloiseau]

Honestly, if you connect with the BPD diagnosis, run with it. Even if you aren't 'diagnosed' the treatment is the same. DBT therapy. Mindfulness. A lot of your past experiences are considered by many to have a relationship with the development of BPD. I'm sorry that you had to go through that.

I am into labels too, as it helps people get treatment and also recognize themselves in others. You know yourself best. I would love to have my psychiatrist scream it from the rooftops that I have BPD, but he's not ready for that yet .

I'm also not entirely sold by the idea of a HSP. Wouldn't an HSP just be a person with BPD traits instead of the personality disorder?

[River11]

Originally Posted by marmaduke

I must admit I am into labels, IMO a label can give framework to work on. A 'diagnosis' can sometimes be a relief , you know whats wrong and therefore have more idea how to fight it.

Nature loads the gun, and nurture pulls the trigger.

You sound BPD to me, but I'm guessing.

Thanks for responding, Marmaduke, and sharing your thoughts and experience.
Yes - after having previously felt that there's no help from some diagnosis - I now am, as you so directly put it, "into labels"; as you say, it gives a reference for what you're working with and it is quite a relief to feel that your struggles are not because you're being pathetically self-indulgent or ridiculously immature or whatever ...

I'm trying to work out whether it's worth trying to pursue a diagnosis.

That nature/nurture truism is brilliant !

Thank you for offering your perspective ... I'm learning a lot from you wonderful PC folk, and finding much encouragement.

[River11]

Originally Posted by beloiseau

Honestly, if you connect with the BPD diagnosis, run with it. Even if you aren't 'diagnosed' the treatment is the same. DBT therapy. Mindfulness. A lot of your past experiences are considered by many to have a relationship with the development of BPD. I'm sorry that you had to go through that.

I am into labels too, as it helps people get treatment and also recognize themselves in others. You know yourself best. I would love to have my psychiatrist scream it from the rooftops that I have BPD, but he's not ready for that yet .

I'm also not entirely sold by the idea of a HSP. Wouldn't an HSP just be a person with BPD traits instead of the personality disorder?

Thank you, Beloiseau!

Yes, I realise I can proceed helpfully without an official diagnosis ... I guess cos some of the traits are very subtle in me, and some can vary from being not evident for quite some time to being constantly moderate and sometimes extreme, it makes me wonder ...

And I agree about HSP ... it certainly doesn't cover the whole profile of a person with BPD.

So is your psychiatrist considering that you might have BPD? Or does he not accept that it's a bona fide condition? I'm aware that there is a fair bit of controversy, misunderstanding and unhelpful stigmatising around the BPD 'label'.

My psychologist considers it an unclear thing, but I think she's going from very old and limited info. Next time I see her I intend to bring some stuff I've printed about it from this site. But of course, she's more concerned with focusing on helping to improve how I perceive and process and deal with various stimuli and situations now, and that's really the point.

But part of the clarity a diagnosis would bring is to see whether what goes on in me is something to be eventually worked out, worked on, healed and grown out of or part of my make-up that I can get better at understanding and working with. And I would like for me and the T I'm working with to be on the same page! Did that come out making sense??

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by River11

Thanks for responding, Marmaduke, and sharing your thoughts and experience.
Yes - after having previously felt that there's no help from some diagnosis - I now am, as you so directly put it, "into labels"; as you say, it gives a reference for what you're working with and it is quite a relief to feel that your struggles are not because you're being pathetically self-indulgent or ridiculously immature or whatever ...

I'm trying to work out whether it's worth trying to pursue a diagnosis.

That nature/nurture truism is brilliant !

Thank you for offering your perspective ... I'm learning a lot from you wonderful PC folk, and finding much encouragement.

Just stumbled upon this, under 'latest' feed from phone setting. I agree, if you feel this most resembles you, roll with it and be mindful of it. Labels can stunt jobs, etc, and you might not get labeled, if not presenting as five if nine criteria. You could be bordering borderline. I say stay mindful, because personal crisis' could make difference in functioning behavior, to dysfunctional thinking, feelings et Al. You may present more as style instead of disorder, read up on style, to remind yourself of positive characteristics in your personality, that you bring to the table
Focus on reactions, anger reactions, cbt, etc. why push, to define in the medic system?

: hug:

Sent from my LG-MS910 using Tapatalk 2

[beloiseau]

Originally Posted by River11

Thank you, Beloiseau!


Yes, I realise I can proceed helpfully without an official diagnosis ... I guess cos some of the traits are very subtle in me, and some can vary from being not evident for quite some time to being constantly moderate and sometimes extreme, it makes me wonder ...


And I agree about HSP ... it certainly doesn't cover the whole profile of a person with BPD.


So is your psychiatrist considering that you might have BPD? Or does he not accept that it's a bona fide condition? I'm aware that there is a fair bit of controversy, misunderstanding and unhelpful stigmatising around the BPD 'label'.


My psychologist considers it an unclear thing, but I think she's going from very old and limited info. Next time I see her I intend to bring some stuff I've printed about it from this site. But of course, she's more concerned with focusing on helping to improve how I perceive and process and deal with various stimuli and situations now, and that's really the point.


But part of the clarity a diagnosis would bring is to see whether what goes on in me is something to be eventually worked out, worked on, healed and grown out of or part of my make-up that I can get better at understanding and working with. And I would like for me and the T I'm working with to be on the same page! Did that come out making sense??

Yes makes sense! I'm in an intensive outpatient program at the moment, since november. I started with a new psychiatrist there, so he originally only stated that i had some bpd traits. It is not listed as an official diagnosis yet, as far as i am aware, but i asked the therapist what she thought, and in true therapist speak, she asked me what i thought. I said i think i have bpd. And she said well then i think your suspicions are correct. I will find out one day. I think they are hesitant to give out an official diagnosis because they have only known me a few months and because it is so stigmatized.

But, it does feel good being on the same page! As they continue to say, the treatment for my issues is the same with or without a diagnosis.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[krisakira]

Most people with BPD get into therapy after drug or alcohol abuse or suicide attempts and self harming behaviors. I'm interested in the fact that it wasn't until your daughter's diagnosis that you were interested in having a diagnosis of your own. If the symptoms of BPD fit and they really are affecting your life negatively enough to need counseling or even medication, then run with it. Do what you can to get treatment and don't be afraid to be adamant about what your needs are! it sometimes takes a while to find the right therapist and med combination (if you need that). Some of us BPDers take antipsychotics or antidepressants. To help regulate moods and such. I suggest doing all you can to educate yourself and learn what your specific problems are so you can best help yourself.

By the way, I also have schizoaffective bipolar type. So if you ever have a question, you can always ask me!

[River11]

That's very kind, thank you, Kris!

Well it was seeing some of my internal stuff in some of the detailed things she'd tell me about her internal stuff - at first I was saying, "well I kind of do that too in a milder way, so that's not too freaky", and then eventually putting that with finally recognising that the increasing miserable dramas in my otherwise splendid rel'ship were due to my non-sensical emotional flip-outs making my mind act crazy, and then being confronted and exposed by my high anxiety, manic state followed by emotionally cycling breakdown before, during and after our wedding

My daughter thought I may be bipolar - but only disclosed that to me after I told her I was wondering about myself ... The quizzes I did indicated mild cyclothymia ... but seeing the mention of BPD and remembering that was the opinion of a psychologist many years ago who met me for an unrelated matter, I did that one and read about it and of course it really did fit.

[technigal]

The pdoc who diagnosed me described BPD as a spectrum, their are high functioning people and lower functioning people. I think she described it that way as my son is autistic so I understand that.

Anyway, she also said that while I did not meet 5 out of 9 all the time there have been times of my life where I have had 8 out of 9. For example, I have been with my husband for 13 years but before meeting him I acted out sexually jumping from relationship to relationship.

Also, it was suggested that I was BPD on our first visit (she was the weekend doc while I was admitted). She had read my file and asked me what I thought. I went home on a pass and read part of "I hate you, don't leave me" and it hit home. The next day she gave the diagnosis. BPD had been suggested 7 years ago by my then pdoc but my dad died and I moved across the country so no followup occurred.

Hope that helps.

[nycgal448]

my psychologist does not believe in labels, but my pdoc does.
I believe our illnesses should be labeled, ie if u have both Bi polar
and Bpd, its called a dual dignosis.

[River11]

Originally Posted by technigal

The pdoc who diagnosed me described BPD as a spectrum, their are high functioning people and lower functioning people. I think she described it that way as my son is autistic so I understand that.

Anyway, she also said that while I did not meet 5 out of 9 all the time there have been times of my life where I have had 8 out of 9. For example, I have been with my husband for 13 years but before meeting him I acted out sexually jumping from relationship to relationship.

Hope that helps.

Thank you, Technigal; yes, it does help! I think that spectrum description makes a lot of sense.

And what you said about not always meeting most of the criteria - that's me too, in the long term (similar to you) and in different ways in the shorter term.

So, again, thank you for shedding a bit more clarity for me

[facingdemons]

The diagnosis was really important to me. It gave me a sense of relief almost to know what I was dealing with and gave me some ideas on how I could proceed. I had previously been diagnosed bipolar, but the BPD diagnosis makes significantly more sense.

If I thought that the things that go on inside my head didn't have basis in an actual "disorder", I think I would feel worse about myself than I already do. (If that sentence made any sense at all.) Can you see a different doc and see if you can get some better answers?

[River11]

Originally Posted by facingdemons

The diagnosis was really important to me. It gave me a sense of relief almost to know what I was dealing with and gave me some ideas on how I could proceed. I had previously been diagnosed bipolar, but the BPD diagnosis makes significantly more sense.

If I thought that the things that go on inside my head didn't have basis in an actual "disorder", I think I would feel worse about myself than I already do. (If that sentence made any sense at all.) Can you see a different doc and see if you can get some better answers?

Yes, that makes complete sense and I feel just the same!
And I too felt relief when I 'discovered'/acknowledged that I had some disorder playing out to varying degrees and impacting negatively on my life and sometimes others' to varying degrees across my lifetime.

And I'm trying to decide whether to buckle up for the potentially tricky and long (and possibly a bit costly) haul of trying to get referred to the an appropriately switched on psych for a diagnosis.

Thanks for your sharing and interest!