[Mustkeepjob32]

Hello all,

OK so one huge problem of mine is that I'm the most indecisive person. Not on what to order at the restaurant, or what to wear. I mean on decisions that I think will impact my life greatly and am scared of the result.
For instance, I hesitate on going back to my current job (I am on leave now) or possibly accepting another job that I think may be better and might not be so anxiety-provoking. Then my parents want me to come stay with them to get better. I love the idea but am worried that going there will mean the end of my career because I won't haev an RN license there in that state. It will cost money to get a license there and my parents are strapped as it is. These decisions pull me internally in all sorts of directions that I don't know which way is up sometimes.
People also don't understand that I am like this either and explaining it is difficult since usually I know they won't understand. Anyone have this problem?

[littlemiss44]

I'm indecisive all the time. I had to make the hard decision to quit my full time job and go on social security disability for my illness. I have bpd bipolar 2 and anxiety. It sounds like the job that is less anxiety provoking would be a much better choice. Yr lucky to have yr nursing license. I've always wanted to be one but knew u couldn't handle the stress. Do you only have bpd or do you suffer from other diagnosis too? It's tough to try and make these life changing decisions. You are not alone in that issue. Sometimes it's hard to decide what's best for us cause we're clouded with self doubt. It's really hard for peeps to understand us but I'd you have supportive parents that's really good. The answer will come to you. Maybe you just need a little more time. Good luck

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[littlemiss44]

Siorry I meant to say I always wanted to be a nurse but knew I couldn't handle the stress.

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[Mustkeepjob32]

little miss, I also suffer from depression and severe anxiety in addition to BPD.

My parents are somewhat supportive but they are older and grasping the idea that their son has borderline is hard for them. However, they try their best.

I'm sure it was very hard for you to quit your job and go on SSI. How were you able to finally make the decision?

[littlemiss44]

Mustkeepjob32
It would be hard for older parents to grasp the idea of mental illness. I knew I needed to go on ssd cause I kept getting fired from my job because of emotional issues and lack of focus. I'm finally able to hold down a part time job which is very secure. They know about my illness which helps alot. They are very supportive. Thx for sharing yr other diagnoses too. It is comforting to know I'm not alone in it. I think you have alot going for you. You have a wide range of options of where you want to work. I'm so sorry you've been struggling. There is much stigma around mental illness but I think people get really scared off by personality disorders. How did you find out yr bpd? Did it just build up or did an event happen to you for it to come out? Hugs

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[Mustkeepjob32]

That's great that you have a secure part-time job. That is nice that others there know about your issues; you have support and I'm sure that helps you in being successful there at your job.
I used to have a lot going for me, but I've burned so many bridges, literally now I have no current job references. I keep getting temporary jobs but eventually those will run out too if I don't get better enough to keep a job.
I have had emotional lability and other problems for years. I remember as a teenager losing control of my emotions and crying histerically and not being able to calm down. Then in my 20s, I experimented with risky behaviors including drugs which only made things first. I've seem a lot of psychiatrists but no one diagnoses with BPD until the most recent one. I wasn't initially totally honest with my psychiatrists at the beginning and that might have been why the BPD diagnoses took so long to come to me. I fit pretty much all the criteria in the DSM for BPD. But right now, it's anxiety that keeps me from job success.
Are you on medication littlemiss? I'm on an SNRI, a mood stabilizer, and now just recently started Zyprexa as Seroquel made me too sleepy. But something is wrong as the last couple weeks I've been living in my own personal hell with no energy to do anything and hating life.