[facingdemons]

My boyfriend and I broke up today. I knew it was coming. When things were good, they were great, but more often things were not. He's an alcoholic, and when he drinks he's very mean. I've broken up with him before, but gone back because I am terrified of losing him. I'm not going back this time. He just keeps saying anything he can to hurt me. He told me he's glad to finally be rid of me, that I'm fat and ugly, that he has to get drunk to sleep with me because im so fat. He made stabs at why I lost custody of my kids, why my marriage ended, and told me I should just go back to using drugs.

I'm writing this because I need to remember it. Because it hurts. Because I miss him so much and I hate sleeping alone. It's never me that leaves. I always get left. This sucks

I'm staying with family tonight. He and I lived together, in a house in my name, but I'm going to move. I'll stay with my aunt until I recover from surgery (in 2 weeks I'm having major ankle surgery). He says he's going back to California.

Why do I miss him so much after everything he's said? I hate this. I hate picking up the pieces and starting over.

[littlebitlost]

You stay when it's bad enough to leave because its comfortable. Even when it sucks. Because, and you said it, sleeping alone sucks. And us BPD's don't seem to like change either

I'm always that person too. The person who must pick up all the broken shards of love and avoid cutting myself. (Literally too....)

I am finally, after a painful 7 months, happily installed in my OWN flat, by MYSELF, and am learning to live as Me. Which we need to do as people before we can ever be properly loved and appreciated by anyone else.

It's been fing hard, on so many levels, and will continue to be, until I am ok with myself.

Have you bounced from relationship to relationship? No real time to establish yourself as a person between guys? That's me. Wanna email? Hope you're ok. Breakups suck, and I wasn't even alright to post in here for months.

xxx

[facingdemons]

Originally Posted by littlebitlost

You stay when it's bad enough to leave because its comfortable. Even when it sucks. Because, and you said it, sleeping alone sucks. And us BPD's don't seem to like change either

I'm always that person too. The person who must pick up all the broken shards of love and avoid cutting myself. (Literally too....)

I am finally, after a painful 7 months, happily installed in my OWN flat, by MYSELF, and am learning to live as Me. Which we need to do as people before we can ever be properly loved and appreciated by anyone else.

It's been fing hard, on so many levels, and will continue to be, until I am ok with myself.

Have you bounced from relationship to relationship? No real time to establish yourself as a person between guys? That's me. Wanna email? Hope you're ok. Breakups suck, and I wasn't even alright to post in here for months.

xxx

W

I've never been single for more than a month since high school. I have jumped, not just from person to person, but from serious commitment to serious commitment. I don't really know how to be alone

[Shadow_wolf500]

Break ups are hard but sounds to me like you did the right thing. Don't let what he said bother you( just one more manipulative tool) and work on you now for once.

[technigal]

As others have said breakups are very hard to deal with. It might be hard but consider staying single for awhile and work on yourself. Take time to be selfish. I am here to talk whenever you need it.

[Yoda]

[Shadow_wolf500]

Hahahaa I like that pic.