As many of you know, I was in an abusive relationship with my ex for two years. I considered the relationship over as of October 30, 2013. But he used intimidation, domestic violence, and fear of having our daughter along with my older daughter taken away from me by Child Protective Services.
As many of you also know, he was finally forcibly removed and locked in a psych ward long enough for me to get a restraining order against him and file for custody. As for his ongoing threat of calling Child Protective Services, that was done by his therapist and so they’ve been in and out of my home. The determination is that no investigation against me will be needed, and it’s him they consider a danger to the children not me.
What you guys didn’t know, is that during my terrifying ordeal I met my soul mate 8 months ago. Where did I meet him, you ask? Here
(Note: He is ok with me posting about this, he doesn’t log in regularly anymore, and I’m not referring to him by username. So I hope I’m not breaking any rules PC Mods).
The last thing I was looking for was a relationship, and I didn’t cheat on my ex with him. We didn’t meet in person until after my ex and I had been done for a while. I did however, call him many times in fear for my life while my ex was still in the home post break up. He was my rock during that time and helped me find the strength to remove myself from a life threatening situation.
I’m not the type to jump from relationship to relationship, and have no problem being single. But he isn’t like anyone I’ve ever been with before. I never felt about anyone else the way I feel about him, not even my ex-husband, the man I brought a child into the world with. He feels the same way about me. His triggers and target behaviors happen to be things I already successfully worked through my first time in DBT. He’s the calm to my storm, and doesn’t drink or use drugs. We have similar career goals, and he’s already ahead of me on the educational path having just gotten his bachelors.
Both him and I are mindful of developing unhealthy interpersonal patterns like we both have in the past with others. We are taking things slow and enjoying really getting to know each other. We started officially dating on 2/1/2014.
On a side note, I saw the psychiatrist today and was prescribed Lexapro (Esitalopram) 10 MG. I start my first DBT group on Tuesday and am super excited for that.
I hope everyone is having a great Valentinesday, and not judging me too harshly lol.

[lynn808]

you rock!!!
keep trying...keep going for it every day!!
I am also new to Lexapro and am having luck with that and DBT and mindfulness and working on DBT daily...I found a man who I can trust ( I told him I trusted him the other night... after 5 yrs...he cried...) he gets me...doesn't ever judge me and loves me unconditionally....tho I still push him away and say stupid stuff....eventually we laugh about it and get over it... I was alone for 15 years...so it did take a long time before we dated and moved it further...I wish you luck and compassion and understanding and daily growth!!! I found someone who is my friend!!! I wish you all the luck and am here to chat at any time too!!! have a great evening...hugs...no judgements hun!!!

Originally Posted by lynn808

you rock!!!
keep trying...keep going for it every day!!
I am also new to Lexapro and am having luck with that and DBT and mindfulness and working on DBT daily...I found a man who I can trust ( I told him I trusted him the other night... after 5 yrs...he cried...) he gets me...doesn't ever judge me and loves me unconditionally....tho I still push him away and say stupid stuff....eventually we laugh about it and get over it... I was alone for 15 years...so it did take a long time before we dated and moved it further...I wish you luck and compassion and understanding and daily growth!!! I found someone who is my friend!!! I wish you all the luck and am here to chat at any time too!!! have a great evening...hugs...no judgements hun!!!

Thank you.
Him and I were friends first as well. I feel like he's still a good friend as well as partner. I have a long history of mistrusting people, even when there's no earlthy reason. He's the first person that I've been romantically involved with that I actually trust. We are well matched intelectually, he has a great sense of humor, and we handle conflict/triggers really well. and though looks don't matter to me in a partner I find him very attractive. We both know that we are both working on ourselves and far from perfect.
Congrats Lyn, I'm very happy for you. Did you at one point just know he was the one? When did you know?

[lynn808]

well he raised his kids alone after his wife passed...kids were 6 and 4...I met him when my child dated his child...our kids went through school together...band...poetry slams, concerts, softball, tennis from 8the grade on...we became foster type parents to a group of about 14 kids.....sometimes more....so...one night he asked me out....kids kept trying to get up to meet....we were afraid.....but we did it....he took me on cruise....to Disney...Bahamas...Jamaica...but lets me go on my own when I need to....I think it was when I was in-hospital and he called and visited daily and twice a day....he cried when he told a pdoc---he loved me with all his heart and just wanted to be there for me...if I would let him....I have grown to trust him so much in last 4-5 months....I dunno when it was....but it seemed to take a long time....have known him for about 7-8 yrs now...and he has tried so hard to just be there...to hold me..and even when I don't want him...he stays here...am I making any sense here???? hugs...try try and try....am so glad!!

Originally Posted by lynn808

well he raised his kids alone after his wife passed...kids were 6 and 4...I met him when my child dated his child...our kids went through school together...band...poetry slams, concerts, softball, tennis from 8the grade on...we became foster type parents to a group of about 14 kids.....sometimes more....so...one night he asked me out....kids kept trying to get up to meet....we were afraid.....but we did it....he took me on cruise....to Disney...Bahamas...Jamaica...but lets me go on my own when I need to....I think it was when I was in-hospital and he called and visited daily and twice a day....he cried when he told a pdoc---he loved me with all his heart and just wanted to be there for me...if I would let him....I have grown to trust him so much in last 4-5 months....I dunno when it was....but it seemed to take a long time....have known him for about 7-8 yrs now...and he has tried so hard to just be there...to hold me..and even when I don't want him...he stays here...am I making any sense here???? hugs...try try and try....am so glad!!

Makes complete sense to me. Sounds like an amazing partner.
I was scared because of how much we clicked and how intense our feelings are. but both of us know it's important to take it slow and be mindful of each other's triggers. and he's the first person I've ever experienced the "Honeymoon" faze with. All my other relationships were problematic from the start but I was using drugs or not in my right mind trying to make it work.
I guess it's pretty much the same for him.
We started talking here, then on Skype, then on the phone, and finally met in person.

[Fuzzybear]

[technigal]

Woot! I don't have to stay quiet about this anymore! As you know I am thrilled for you both. It was great talking to you both the other night, he really is a great guy.

For those that don't know, I just clicked with my husband from the beginning. Actually I proposed 4 days after our first date. I was not looking to get into a relationship but things just happened. Today is our 14th Valentine's day together (our first date was on Valentine's day). It seems that the lasting relationships come when we least expect it.

Originally Posted by technigal

Woot! I don't have to stay quiet about this anymore! As you know I am thrilled for you both. It was great talking to you both the other night, he really is a great guy.

For those that don't know, I just clicked with my husband from the beginning. Actually I proposed 4 days after our first date. I was not looking to get into a relationship but things just happened. Today is our 14th Valentine's day together (our first date was on Valentine's day). It seems that the lasting relationships come when we least expect it.

Aww you're awesome. He really likes you as well.
and your story with you and your husband is amazing.

[technigal]

Originally Posted by ThroughBeingCool

Aww you're awesome. He really likes you as well.
and your story with you and your husband is amazing.

If a friend told me they proposed after 4 days I would have told them they were crazy but while things have not always been easy it has worked for us. You are taking the right approach to things by taking things slow.

[duende]

Hey there! So it's been a little while since I last posted up here on PC. I'm really glad to be back to talk about something happy. Several months ago I had gotten myself out of a toxic relationship. Nine months after the nasty breakup I had hit a very low point with myself and posted about it. Throughbeingcool responded with some non-judgmental advice. I decided to write this Throughbeingcool person back and thank them. I began to write then found myself a little self-conscious about what I left on her page, so I decided to click the delete button. The message got deleted no problem, but left the words, "This message has been deleted by the author." on her page. Ugh! LOL. All I wanted to do was hide. Not long after, I was pleasantly surprised with a message on my profile page, "Hi!" From there, we began talking. We became friends and were there for each other through some difficult times. We began talking regularly, getting to know each other well. I began to realize we had so much in common. Over time, I've come to realize that I finally found someone who shares the same passion and intensity as I do, someone with whom I can just be myself, flaws and all. Half a year later, we became official. I was not expecting anything remotely like this a year ago, but here we are and I couldn't be more thankful to have met my soulmate.

I hope everyone is doing well. Happy Valentine's Day!

Amazing story. I enjoyed reading this. It warmed my soul hope things went great for you in valentines day xxx

[Trippin2.0]

I'm so happy for both of you!!!!